Written by Eva Benmeleh, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Eva Benmeleh focuses on the multifaceted impact of perfectionism on individuals and their relationships. She is a clinical psychologist in private practice, an educator on maternal mental health and perfectionism, and the author of the book Sun and Moon Love Cloud: A Book about Divorce.
I am loving awareness. Ram Dass. Repeat this several times and see how the meaning begins to shift: I am loving awareness.
In our journey toward individuality and self-realization, we often fall into the trap of striving to showcase our uniqueness. We strive to be the black sheep, the outlier, the one who stands apart for what we believe is true. This desire, as liberating as it feels (especially at first), is often the voice of the ego speaking from a place of separation and defensiveness. While the ego is here to protect us and keep us intact to function in this world, it also creates walls that keep us separate from the very connection we crave.
The ouroboros, an ancient symbol of the serpent eating its own tail, exquisitely represents this issue. The very desire to be different, to stand apart, drives the very need for connection. It’s the ego running in circles, trying to catch a break and never feeling like it’s making any headway. The realization that we are both special and not unique eradicates the walls of separation and clears the path to a profound truth: others share the same emotional and vibrational imprint as you. They may come from different walks of life, nationalities, religions, whatever, but their essence resonates with yours.
Before we can find true community with others, we must take on the due diligence to meet and greet the parts of ourselves that we have rejected, abandoned, and feared, along with the parts we absolutely adore. This is the work of deep integration through inner child work, parts work, shadow work, emotional regulation, and traditional psychotherapy.
Once you create this community from within yourself, then you are much better apt to seek and maintain external connections with others. When you cultivate inner harmony, something really cool happens – the people, experiences, and emotions we once rejected start to reappear in our lives. This time, however, we have a better chance to approach and deal with them with discernment and self-awareness. Not from the ego pity party, “woe is me,” or the ego self-aggrandizement, “I am more evolved than you,” instead from a place of humility, “what is here to show me more that I need to learn about myself and others?”
Discernment is key. This takes time, patience, mindfulness, and your ability to pause. This time, with discernment, compassion comes along for the ride, even if the inner critic and judgment want to drive shotgun. As you recognize that everyone in your life, whether they bring you joy or challenge, reflects a part of you, you begin to see them and yourself with more clarity. They aren’t merely castaways or adversaries. They are living life, in one way or another, just as you are.
You begin to ask yourself these questions: How and with whom do I want to spend the rest of my life? Knowing all the while that the how and with whom does not depend on people but depends on you and your ongoing awareness of yourself.
True belonging begins within. When you greet your inner world with loving awareness, you lay the foundation for meaningful connections with those around you. The community you create reflects the vibrational and emotional resonance you emit. It’s here where you find your home, a place where you can feel good about this version of yourself without sacrificing your authenticity or spirit. In this way, you are loving awareness.
Read more from Eva Benmeleh
Eva Benmeleh, Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Eva Benmeleh focuses on the multifaceted impact of perfectionism on individuals and their relationships. She is a clinical psychologist in private practice, an educator on maternal mental health and perfectionism, and the author of the book Sun and Moon Love Cloud: A Book about Divorce. She is committed to unraveling the polarities in perfectionism, integrating the striving for personal growth with harmonious flow. She is committed to working with individuals open to compassionate yet astute feedback, expanding their awareness, and making profound changes to the quality of their lives.
