Written by: Karla Bosnar, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
“I’m just not a confident person”. Have you ever said this? Confidence comes from the latin word “fidere”, which means to trust. There are 2 ways I’m going to break down the journey to building confidence. The first, is about building self trust. Think about someone who doesn’t follow through with what they say they’re going to do. Would you trust this person? Would you have confidence in them? I’m guessing the answer is no. What about you? Where in your life do you NOT follow through with what you say you’re going to do? Can you see what I’m getting at? It starts with you.
This is how you can begin to work on becoming a more confident person, someone with more self trust and self respect. If you’re someone who struggles with drinking 2L of water everyday, their morning facial or self care routine, skips reps, sets or exercises in the gym, who can’t keep their car clean etc, then you’ve built evidence that you can’t follow through, finish or be consistent with things. If you’re striving for “bigger” and “scarier” goals, no wonder these will be difficult when you struggle with the “little” things. Start there. Meet yourself where you’re at.
Next, come the bigger and scarier things we want to be more confident with and this is where emotional intelligence comes into play and a question you need to ask yourself often: “can I be confident enough to be a beginner?” because here's the thing: confidence is linked to doing.
The more you do something, the more evidence you have of what you’re capable of. Self doubt begins to disappear and confidence grows. BUT, we lack the confidence we need to get started and we need to get started in order to prove to ourselves we can do it and build our confidence.
One part of having high levels of emotional intelligence means being able to sit with and hold uncomfortable feelings and emotions. Those with low levels of emotional intelligence will often numb, distract or avoid in order NOT to feel and experience discomfort. Even being honest with yourself about this, don't make it mean anything. It’s all data. Knowing this, regardless of how ‘not good’ it feels, is what will lead you to change! To do and be better.
If you’re too afraid to try, to start, you’ll never break the cycle.
Knowing and accepting this is step one.The first time we do anything, naturally we’ll feel nervous, anxious, self conscious, hyper aware. We worry about potentially embarrassing ourselves, we worry about “failing”, we worry about “sucking” at something… and we do so because we attach a story to it, we make it mean something, ie, “If I don’t succeed this means or reconfirms my fear of not being good enough, smart enough, attractive enough”, whatever the ‘thing’ is. This is where we need to dissolve those stories so that we can begin to change by challenging ourselves, by stepping out of our comfort zones.
The more you begin to do and try new things and in different areas of your life, the more you'll notice a certain pattern, which then over time, give you more and more evidence of “I’m a confident person, I can get good at anything I set my mind to”. You do the “new thing”, you feel nervous, you experience the discomfort of not being that good, but you continue, you keep practicing over and over again, despite how you feel. You hold it all and over time, you improve. You get better, your confidence grows and the self doubt begins to disappear. This will be the case every time you do something new and think of it as a snowball effect; the more you do, the more evidence you have that you are a confident person. You’ll continue to build and add evidence to the version of you that you desire to be!
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Karla Bosnar, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Karla Bosnar is a mum and business owner. She is an online exercise physiologist who has a unique approach that combines evidence based training, nutrition for fat loss and mindset work, with 11 years of experience. Karla grew up playing tennis, loves the outdoors, and is passionate about creating programs that get women strong, powerful and resilient! She has battled through her own disordered eating and found true food and body freedom. Faith and family are important values! Movement mastery, body transformation and mindset work! Karla has seen women break through their barriers and achieve their full potential through this work. She created a life she truly loves and wants the same for other women.
