Written by: Heather Browne, Guest Writer Brainz Magazine
In a world where TV dinners began the trend of fast and quick to get you what you want, we now rely on the click of a computer button for the majority of our interactions and on-line socialization. We have lost the desire to spend time cultivating relationships and now try to simply get the most likes to feel fulfilled.
I grew up in a world pre microwaves, pre cell phones, pre, (I know, take a deep gasp), pre internet. When someone moved into the neighborhood, you took them a cake, not store-bought, not boxed, but real down-to-earth measured sugar, vanilla, and flour. We even took time with hand-made thank you cards sent in the mail. You got it in in about a week.
But when Swanson TV dinners popped out on the scene on September 9, 1953, and then the microwave blasting us into the 70’s, life changed. Fast food stands sprouted up on every corner. We wanted faster, quicker, and on the go. Immediate gratification became our quick fix and we wanted to be entertained. Instead of sitting around the dinner table talking, we were eating our nuked fried chicken while watching The Brady Bunch. We watched others be a family.
On January 1, 1983, the internet welcomed us into the new year. With the arrival of the internet, we no longer needed to call or meet with people. This radically opened up the world, but also assisted us in forgetting our neighbors. And when the first iPhone came onto the scene in 2007, life changed even more. The world was at our fingertips. We were greedy and we refused to wait.
Being able to get an answer immediately changed us. We started to favor the answer versus really thinking about or being concerned with the connection. People became replaceable. There is always someone else available that you can snag with a few clicks. You see it with our kids. They go from chat to chat, text to text, site to site trying to fill up. We base our value and worthiness on how others “think” we look. But there are filters for everything. Being popular is now our paycheck.
I remember the first time my 15-year-old teen was having a disagreement with her beau. She fused to call him. She said, “No one talks anymore Mom, you only text.” As a mother and a therapist, I made her get in the car and work it out face to face. I think the ambiguity of texting has deepened our challenge with speaking to one another. It’s a perfect storm. We are concerned with how we “look” or sound, but not upon who we really are. What’s ironic is we want to stand out and be recognized but on an app., not in real life. Life is too real. Life is too honest. And it takes work. So, we make videos of us showing us doing life. And in a few minutes, you can have 100’s of likes.
Salaries used to be based upon effort and skill. Now they are based on how many followers you have. People are making millions by wearing some company’s t-shirt. What is hysterical is that we have turned advertising into an ego trip. We endorse the product. Versus the product endorsing itself. Once again, click-click, it is based on image, on likes, on how many followers someone has. And then there are the bots. The pretend people and the pretend clicks mess everything up. But that doesn’t really matter, because it’s based on what we think is real and how it appears to look. Perception is now reality, even if it’s a big lie.
So, what is truth? It doesn’t really matter. All that is important is if I can get your click. So, tell me. Because I will never hear your voice. And there’s no way for me to make out your face.
Did you give it to me?
Heather Browne, Guest Writer Brainz Magazine
As a relationship expert, Dr. Heather Browne has worked with thousands of individuals and couples in psychotherapy. She is published in hundreds of journals, has an active YouTube channel, has been featured on ABC-7 news, was the relationship expert on KDOC Daybreak OC, and is published in Inc., Toronto Sun, Thriving Family Magazine, Light + Life, and Psychology Today. She is a regular guest blogger for both Links for Shrinks and for Marriage Friendly Therapists.
