Written by: Gabrielle Cole, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
When we’re kids, dreaming comes easy for us—especially dreaming big. Nothing feels out of reach for the future, and everything feels like a possibility. But as we age, the scales seem to tip out of our favor, and instead of everything feeling possible, it can often seem like our possibilities are very limited.
It’s important that we work to keep dreaming, even as adults, because when our dreams die, we can fall into the trap of stagnant living. We stop moving forward. Dreams inform our goals, and our goals create the future we want.
As mothers, it’s not uncommon to lose sight of our dreams, goals, and passions because we have been conditioned to believe that is what a good mom does. We have been told that our only goals must be in service of our children and their futures—everything else becomes a sacrifice for them.
But what if our “sacrifice” is doing more harm than good?
In 2020, I surveyed 260 mothers, with an average composite age range of 30 - 50 and an average of 2 children, to gain insights on the reality of maternal burnout—the phenomenon of losing ourselves in the name of being “good moms.” When asked what special talent they have, 105 out of 260 participants skipped the question altogether. That’s more than 65%. And those who did respond were mostly a chorus of “I don’t know” or “I don’t have special talents anymore.”
Why is it socially acceptable for mothers to completely lose sight of any resemblance of who they are?
Imagine how much more we could inspire our children if we refused to play into this expectation on a daily basis. If we chose not to ignore the red flags our bodies are giving, we admitted that we are suppressing our needs and emotions; admitted that something needs to change. In any other walk of life, owning up to our needs would be considered emotional wellbeing. But in motherhood, powering through on fumes is just seen as the life of a mom.
The major problem is that to raise dreamers, they need to see us dreaming too. So many of us are stressed, anxious, on edge, depressed, and burnt out—that is the image of us our children are seeing and the energy we’re surrounding them with. It needs to stop with us so that we can show them what it means to be confident, self-assured beings. Otherwise, what are we sacrificing for?
It’s time for us to set an example of how to value ourselves, advocate for ourselves, set healthy boundaries, and work to meet our goals. This shift can only start with you. Rediscover what your needs are, give yourself the time to tend to those needs, and don’t feel guilty about making them a priority. When you fill your cup, you have more to pour into theirs.
Unlike kids, our dreams need to be realistic, attainable, and measurable. When you see yourself in your mind's eye living the life you dream of, what do you see? Think in terms as specific as possible and use journaling, vision boards, and daily affirmations as a mental tool to record these goals. These tools of mental imagery put your daily choices into perspective. Every decision you make, ask yourself: Will this choice get me closer to my goal or not? And if you don’t know, consult your journal or vision board for the simple answer!
By doing this, with small steps first, you’re making a plan to reach your goals and working toward them every day.
Read more from Gabrielle!
Gabrielle Cole, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
I am Gabby Cole—Founder/CEO, mother of twin girls, and advocate for moms everywhere. I was married in 2011, and by 2012, I was a mother to twin girls. I have an established career in pharmaceutical sales, as well as pursuing my dreams of becoming a “Mompreneur.” I hope to dedicate my life to helping women like me find their purpose and become the woman and mother they want to be.
