Written by: Tara Sutorius, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
To help someone, change a behaviour, we need to understand what drives it. In other words, we need to be deeply self-aware. A successful coaching method I have taught leaders is called the iceberg model; a powerful metaphor to represent our life experiences, behaviours, beliefs assumptions and more.
Picture an iceberg. What is visible to the world above the water represents our behaviours and competencies, which are just a small part of us. Think of it like the stuff that’s traditionally on your resume. But what it’s missing is everything hidden under the water. Things like a person’s thoughts and feelings; their core beliefs; unnamed underlying beliefs; fears that keep them stuck; well-rooted patterns and assumptions. These below-the-surface elements of our human experience are like a unique fingerprint. They are different for each one of us.
Being aware of what is under the water, especially our patterns or blind spots, is one of the most important components of developing strong emotional intelligence. Also, being self-aware is the cornerstone of empathy, which is the ability to share and understand the feelings of others because we focus on being human and not perfect.
So, what does being an empathetic leader look like? Well, it could mean putting yourself in your employees’ shoes before jumping to conclusions about why they are late again with their report. It’s about giving someone the benefit of the doubt, and not assuming bad intentions. What if that employee was struggling at home over the last month and their focus was way off? Instead of feeling frustrated about the delays, you could get curious, ask questions, give space, offer empathy, and listen deeply to their story instead of judging and just looking above the water line.
By doing this, you go below the surface as an empathetic leader to understand what your employee’s motivations are (those unseen, submerged parts of the iceberg). Once leaders truly understand the root cause of a team member’s behaviours or patterns, they can influence meaningful and sustainable change.
The best way to dive below the water line and help your employee gain greater self-awareness is to ask powerful open-ended questions such as:
What are your thoughts on x?
Would you tell me more about x?
Can you help me understand x a little better?
How do you see x happening?
Just suppose you were feeling x, what would that look like?
Just suppose you were experiencing x, what might that feel like?
What might it take to achieve x? Walk me through the steps.
By helping your employee uncover the root cause, you help them create new insights so they can excavate the underlying belief, assumption, and fear that drives that behaviour.
Using the iceberg model not only helps leaders and employees alike to form stronger connections, but it’s a model that directly contributes to evolving an organization’s culture. Just imagine if every leader in a company embraced the iceberg model. All employees and leaders would feel more linked, and the company would not only have a more engaged workforce coming into work every day, but a healthier environment would be fostered; one that promotes transparency and psychological safety.
Ultimately, when leaders prioritize emotional intelligence and leverage powerful questions and models, like the iceberg, to connect to their employees, they create the conditions to unleash the full potential of their people. Now that’s a powerful mission.
Tara Sutorius, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
As a certified professional coach trained with Erickson International Coaching, Barrett Values Centre and Career Joy, as well as an accredited PCC-level coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF), Tara Sutorius specializes in helping individuals better understand their personal core values so they may live a more purpose-driven life in alignment with what is most important to them in their personal and professional lives.
Tara is also the Director of Corporate Communications at Export Development Canada (EDC) and the founder of “Tara Sutorius Coaching and Wellness” – a coaching company offering compassionate, transformational and values-based personal leadership, career and wellness coaching. Working alongside senior leaders in both the private and public sector for over 20 years, Tara has a keen sense of what is required to be able to connect with one’s personal and professional leadership mission in order to effect meaningful change over the long-term and build greater resiliency both at home and at work.
What Tara loves most about coaching is helping guide individuals through powerful questioning and transformational conversations. Her coaching style is compassionate, action-oriented, motivational, connected and intuitive. She can help guide you to better align your values with your dream job, clarify your passions, set clear goals and take greater ownership of your career and overall wellness.
