Jessica Chesterman (HG, Dip.P) is a psychotherapist dedicated to transforming workplace mental health. As a distinguished Human Givens Ambassador, she specialises in helping individuals conquer depression and guiding couples through relationship challenges.
The widespread availability of the internet has led to a significant increase in children's social media use. A recent Ofcom report indicates that over half of children aged 3 to 12 use social media platforms, and mobile phone ownership reaches 90 percent by age 11.
This early integration of online life with real-world experiences means that the potential negative consequences of excessive screen time are a growing concern. While social media offers benefits like entertainment, community building, memes, and learning opportunities, it also presents a darker side with detrimental effects on young people.
Bill Gates famously restricted his own children's access to social media until age 14 and advocates for raising the minimum age to 16. He has expressed concern about the impact of excessive screen time on children's development and focus. This raises important questions about the specific harms that excessive social media use and screen time can inflict on children and their developing brains. But what are they? Let us explore a handful of the challenges children now face due to their use of social media.) See here.
How do I compare?
Remember the joy of dancing freely in front of a mirror, goofing around with friends, simply having fun? For many of us in our 40s, these carefree moments were a regular part of life. We did not worry about the choreography or how many times we needed to rewind the cassette tape. It was pure, unadulterated enjoyment.
Today, that same experience is often quite different. Instead of focusing on the joy of the experience, many children prioritise the validation they receive through online likes. The emphasis shifts from embracing the process to posting a seemingly perfect routine. Those little dopamine hits from each "like" can completely change the meaning of the dance.
Children often become preoccupied with comparing themselves to others: Do I look cool enough? Was my hair okay? Am I getting as many likes as so-and-so? When the focus shifts from enjoyment to validation, it can impact their self-worth and self-perception. This reliance on external approval can become central to their behaviour and emotional development.
Why do I feel alone?
Human connection is a fundamental need, essential for our well-being. Meaningful relationships, like laughing with friends, hugging our children, or playing games with loved ones, make us feel seen, cared for, and like we belong. These connections affirm our place in the world and our sense of worth.
Excessive social media use, however, can interfere with this innate need for human connection. Children who spend significant time online may be neglecting opportunities for meaningful conversations and the development of deeper relationships. Their ability to truly listen, absorb what others are saying, and engage in thoughtful dialogue can be reduced by a reliance on superficial online interactions and a desire for external validation.
Feeling seen and understood fosters a sense of safety, allowing us to share our thoughts and emotions openly. This, in turn, helps us develop empathy and a sense of belonging. Without these genuine connections, we can feel isolated and lonely, even when we are among other people.
Positive interactions, like sharing laughter and humour, also play a vital role in developing crucial social skills. These experiences teach us how to navigate social settings and respond to unpredictable situations, which are a natural part of life. Without these nurtured skills, children may feel overwhelmed or anxious in social situations, further reinforcing feelings of inadequacy and a need for validation. This perpetuates a potentially harmful cycle.
Am I part of a healthy community?
Children who are emotionally vulnerable can be particularly susceptible to manipulation, and this is a concerning aspect of online communities. The human need to belong is powerful. Feeling part of something larger than ourselves and respected within a group can positively impact well-being.
However, this same need can be exploited. Harmful online challenges, like the infamous Blue Whale Challenge, which promoted self-harm and suicide, and forums that encourage destructive behaviours like starvation, can masquerade as supportive communities for vulnerable individuals. If you notice a change in your child’s behaviour or a significant increase in their social media use, it is important to address the situation seriously and look for ways to foster a community in their life outside of the screen.
A distorted view of healthy sexual encounters
Children are increasingly exposed to pornography as a primary source of sex education, which can significantly skew their understanding of healthy sexual relationships. Alarming yet true.
Research, including a study published by the National Library of Medicine, suggests that this exposure is linked to a higher likelihood of first sexual encounters with strangers (70 percent for boys, according to the study) and can negatively impact the use of protection. This can distort perceptions of what constitutes a healthy sexual relationship and potentially lead to dissatisfaction in more typical, real-life interactions. One possible consequence is a drive to seek out more extreme or risky sexual experiences.
This issue is further compounded by social media’s tendency to hypersexualise women, potentially leading boys to objectify them and view them primarily as sexual objects. Conversely, this hypersexualisation can also influence girls, creating pressure to conform to specific ideals in order to gain sexual approval.
Furthermore, children are constantly bombarded with unrealistic beauty standards on social media, leading them to believe that bodies must conform to a certain idealised image to be considered acceptable. This constant exposure can create a distorted perception of what real bodies, both male and female, should look like and foster subconscious biases about the human form. See here.
How is it affecting my brain?
Our brains are not designed to process information at the rapid pace demanded by constant scrolling. This constant switching of focus can significantly impact various cognitive functions. If a young child spends excessive time mindlessly scrolling, where attention spans are measured in seconds, it can have detrimental effects on their developing brain. So, what are those potential consequences?
Instant Gratification Cycle: The fast-paced nature of social media creates an expectation of instant gratification, which can significantly affect attention spans over time. Children growing up in this environment, where they expect immediate results, may struggle with sustained focus and concentration. This constant consumption of information at high speed can also impact their ability to think critically and objectively, as they become accustomed to processing information quickly without taking the time to analyse and evaluate it.
Reward System: The constant "likes" trigger a release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure. This creates a desire to repeat the experience, seeking out those moments of validation, sometimes in ways that are not healthy. Over time, this pattern can alter the neural pathways in a developing brain.
Emotional Regulation: Studies suggest that frequent social media use may affect grey matter in certain brain regions. Grey matter is crucial for information processing and cognitive function, and changes in its volume have been associated with cognitive decline. These changes can also impact emotional regulation and processing.
Sleep Patterns: Sleep is essential. We cannot survive without it. However, excessive exposure to blue light and technology use can disrupt sleep patterns, which can be particularly detrimental to a developing brain. Imagine the impact on a child’s school performance, irritability, and overall cognitive function when their sleep is consistently disrupted.
Social Skills: As mentioned earlier, social media should complement, not replace, real-life human connection. Genuine interactions are crucial for developing essential life skills, such as empathy, the ability to read non-verbal cues, and effective social interaction. These experiences prepare us to build relationships with people from all walks of life, a common feature within our existence.
As with anything in life, when the negative aspects begin to outweigh the positive, it is a clear indication that a change is needed. Social media is here to stay, but there are ways to establish healthier boundaries and balance your children’s usage. Their future selves will thank you for it.
Read more from Jessica Chesterman
Jessica Chesterman, Psychotherapist HG, Dip.P
As a Human Givens Ambassador with 15+ years in corporate enterprise sales, Jessica Chesterman (HG, Dip.P) is passionate about empowering individuals to manage their mental health. Her therapeutic approach, grounded in the latest psychological and neurobiological research, is focused on understanding how emotional needs are met across all aspects of life. By addressing these needs, she aims to help as many people as possible thrive in the workplace and beyond
