Written by: Tracey A. Chapman, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Are you feeling overwhelmed by the heavy burden of grief, as if you've lost sight of who you indeed are and unsure how to find your way back to yourself?
I understand how difficult it can be to navigate through such emotional turmoil.
I know what it’s like to shut down after the death of a loved one.
I’m Tracey Chapman, and I understand your grief.
In 2017, I received a call that turned my life upside down. I lost my youngest son to suicide.
I found myself lost in the pain of my grief. Not only was I grieving for my son, but I was also mourning the life I once had and the person I used to be.
I did not feel it was possible to find happiness, or even to move forward, and to be honest, I often asked myself, “Why go on?" …
The pain was too deep and consuming.
Embracing my healing and personal growth journey has allowed me to break free from the chains of sorrow, reclaim my true self, and find a renewed sense of purpose and joy in life.
How do we heal from grief?
The death of a child has a profound emotional and relational impact on families, bringing about significant changes in parents. These far-reaching changes affect various aspects of their lives, including the psychological, physical, spiritual, and interpersonal realms.
Losing a loved one is an indescribable pain that can shake the very foundation of our being. It is an experience that leaves us feeling shattered, like a piece of ourselves has been ripped away. In these moments, navigating through the overwhelming feelings and finding the strength to rebuild our lives can be incredibly challenging.
It's important to acknowledge that grief is a profoundly personal journey, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Each person's experience is unique, and you must permit yourself to feel whatever emotions arise without judgment or pressure.
Remember, that healing is a journey that requires both time and patience. It's important to acknowledge that the process may not always be smooth sailing; there will be days filled with progress and joy and days that present challenges and setbacks. During these ebbing and flowing moments, it is crucial to be kind to yourself.
Allow yourself the space and opportunity for self-care activities that bring you comfort and solace. Whether it's:
pouring your thoughts onto paper through journaling,
immersing yourself in creative outlets like art or music or
simply finding solace in the embrace of nature,
these activities can provide a much-needed respite during difficult times.
I found great solace in running or being in nature and often took my beloved pets to the beach or on walks in the park. These moments allowed me to reflect on the blessings in my life and appreciate the beauty that surrounded me. It helped me stay present and focus on the present moment, rather than dwelling on the pain of my past.
Embrace this journey with compassion for yourself. Understand that healing takes time, and there is no rush to reach a destination. It's like driving a car - to move forward, we must take our foot off the brake pedal; otherwise, we will remain stuck in the pain we wish to overcome. Each step ahead is a victory worth celebrating, no matter how small it may seem.
So be gentle with yourself as you navigate the ups and downs of this healing process.
Unveiling the new self: Shedding layers of old identity
Identity is the collection of attributes that defines how we perceive ourselves. It is the answer to the question: Who am I?
I have personally walked this journey. I had to reconnect with this person, "Tracey," to rebuild and move forward without my son.
I had to unveil my new self by peeling back the layers of the onion from the person I was before that fateful day. The person I was searching for but could not find amidst my muddled mind. Doing this brought me alive, a deeper connection to myself, and a life of peace and happiness.
I had attached my identity and what I believed to be my purpose in life to being a good provider and mother to my two boys. Since the tender age of 23, I have devoted my life to this purpose. However, in a single moment, my identity and purpose were shattered.
What happens when those external factors are removed? Who am I then?
Identity is the collection of attributes that defines how we perceive ourselves. It is the answer to the question: Who am I?
Identity or psychological identity is your capacity for self-reflection and awareness. People usually acquire their identities through tasks and the objects they identify with. For example, if you ask someone “Who are you?” and he replies, “I am the restaurant’s chef“, then this person identifies himself with his job and thinks of himself as the chef instead of Robin or Tom (Radwan M F (nd)).
Instead of identifying myself as Tracey, I associated my identity with being a mother and provider.
In the journey of rebuilding and moving forward, there often comes a point where we must reconnect with ourselves on a profound level. This process can be particularly challenging when it involves a relationship with someone as significant as our child. It is a process of shedding the layers of our old identity and rediscovering who we are, without any external attachments or expectations.
The path to self-discovery necessitates resilience, courage, strength, and vulnerability.
It involves delving deep within us to connect with the desires and passions of our soul, elevating our lives to higher levels of peace, happiness, and well-being. By doing so, we awaken a part of ourselves that may have been dormant for too long.
It's akin to peeling back the layers of an onion, where each layer represents what truly matters to you. It's not about dwelling in pain, as that's not a place anyone wants to reside. Instead, it's about being genuinely authentic with yourself and discovering the core motivations that drive you.
In this process, it's essential to identify and understand our core values. These are the principles or beliefs that guide our decisions and actions. They shape our priorities, relationships, and overall sense of purpose. Identifying your values can provide a solid foundation for making choices that align with your authentic self.
What do you value in life?
What can you not live without?
What lights you up?
By delving into these questions about what you value in life, what you cannot live without, and what lights you up, you embark on an introspective journey towards self-discovery. This process allows you to cultivate deeper self-awareness and make choices aligned with your most authentic desires and aspirations.
This journey towards self-reconnection brings about an incredible transformation in our lives. It allows us to embrace our true essence and live authentically. We find peace and happiness within ourselves by letting go of external definitions and societal pressures.
It is important to remember that this process takes time and patience. Rebuilding oneself is not an overnight task; it requires self-compassion and understanding. But as you continue this path, I encourage you to celebrate every step you take towards your new identity—one connected to your soul.
May this journey bring you alive in ways you never thought possible, granting you a deeper connection to yourself, inner peace, and lasting happiness. It has certainly done so for me.
In conclusion, losing a loved one undoubtedly brings about permanent changes in us. However, it does not mean that we lose ourselves completely. By showing compassion towards ourselves and striving to establish a profound connection with our true selves, we can slowly rebuild a new version of ourselves. This new version will encompass love for those we have lost and the strength to face the future with hope and resilience.
Don't let grief define you. Find strength, hope, and a renewed sense of purpose as you embark on a journey toward healing and reclaiming your identity.
Pain is not a place to live; lighting our soul up and living is!
Transformation is crucial to overcome our adversities and rebuild our lives. Remembering that information alone is not enough to bring about transformation is essential. My "THRIVE After Grief" coaching program is designed to empower you. In weeks, rather than years, you will discover new passion, purpose, and meaning in your life.
Remember, as a mother who has walked the journey of grief for her son and emerged stronger, I possess a unique combination of experience and credentials that can truly make a lasting impact on your life.
Apply here for an opportunity to work with me.
Tracey A. Chapman, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Tracey Chapman is one of the few Resilience and Certified High-Performance coaches who has walked the painful grief journey and now specialises in helping executive men and women find new passion, purpose, and meaning and rebuild their lives after a devastating loss.
With her extensive knowledge and experience in High-Performance and Resilience Coaching, Tracey has designed a remarkable "Rebuild Your Power" coaching program. This program is for executives who are going through a complicated grieving process. By participating in this program, executives gain the tools and support they need to get things done and rebuild their confidence, motivation, and inspiration. Which ultimately empowers them to move forward faster and achieve their goals with renewed strength and determination without the fear of forgetting the one they love.
Reference:
Radwan, M. F. (n.d.). Psychological identity and identity crisis. Retrieved from https://www.2knowmyself.com/Psychological_identity/identity_crisis/who_am_i
