Written by: Tracey Pinder, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
One morning in November last year I felt a lump in my breast. I have never had a lump before. I've had three malignant melanomas and go for mole mapping every six months but never this. Fearfully I thought it might be cancerous so booked a mammogram. I knew there was no breast cancer in my family so I thought I should be ok. Sometimes it's easier to be in denial, refusing to accept reality or the truth about a situation. It's a defence mechanism that we use to protect ourselves from uncomfortable or distressing truths. I want to live a long and healthy life, so I needed to acknowledge the situation, take responsibility, face the emotions and find solutions. This is a lot more helpful in the long run.
When I was told I had breast cancer later that week, the first thing I thought of was that this is another thing to add onto my Coaching CV. I will ensure it serves me well. I will make it happen for me not to me. What makes it easy for me to do this is that I know that acceptance does not require approval. So much of our time is spent not accepting things as we believe they require our approval, but they do not. It is what it is, and the first step to change is acceptance – acknowledging the situation for what it is, without trying to distort or deny it.
I am now entering a new road on my journey through life. I know I will be facing some dim light through the tunnels; and there will be potholes, bumps and uncertainties. I also know that I need to take one day at a time, practising mindfulness and gratitude, focussing on what I have and what I can do and not on what I can’t do and what I don’t have. This 'Can Do, Do Have' mindset that I have developed and teach has served me very well and continues to do so.
I also know when you are uncertain, find certainties in the uncertainty. I have a gratitude journal and every day I write down what I am grateful for and reflect on this. My certainties are abundant, and the more I focus on them, the more I get to see and feel and experience. I know there will be an end to the tunnel. I just need to keep going, one day at a time. Some days are sunbeams, and some days are not, but I keep moving, as this too shall pass.
I had my breast biopsy on a Friday. The oncologist said to me that it can’t be nice to be doing this on a Friday. I said, 'Yes, it is nice, as I have you and your assistant attending to me, and I have so much to be grateful for.' I have a medical aid that has a good oncology benefit, so I am not facing any financial stress. I have amazing chefs for sons who are cooking for me this weekend, I have a loving and caring partner and daughter, family, friends and amazing Doctors. And it's Friday, I get to recover over the week-end! Positive thinking is not about accepting your reality, it is what it is, It is about refusing to dwell in it.
On 6 December I underwent a double mastectomy. The days after this were dim for a while. I consciously and deliberately focused even more on my blessings during this time. All three of my children were home for Christmas and the love and support I received reminded me of the preciousness of life and the importance of cherishing each moment, despite the challenges.
I am still going through the tunnel and I have learnt to appreciate the light and joy that follows the dim light and potholes. Difficult times can deepen the simple pleasures of life.
I thought I would write this article as so many people said I was in denial with my diagnosis. No, not at all. It's about your mindset. It's about what narrative I choose to use to share this experience. It's about using what I know. It's about learning, growing and becoming more of who I want to be. We are all a work in progress but there's a timeline. I choose to embrace the dark with the light that is in me and to be grateful for the learnings. You can build resilience with each and every challenge you face if you see it in this way.
To recap, when you are going through a difficult tunnel, remember the following:
Acceptance does not require approval.
Develop a 'Can do, Do have' mindset.
Find certainties in uncertain times. Remember where your attention goes, energy flows.
Practise gratitude and mindfulness every day, especially when you feel stressed and uncertain.
Persevere and remain hopeful. Maintain a positive outlook and focus on possibilities rather than limitations.
Keep moving, keep growing, keep progressing. Progress = Happiness
How can people contact you?
Our website address
Email address is: tracey@theschooloflife.org.za
Contact number is: +27 83 266 3955
Tracey Pinder, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Tracey Pinder is the owner and founder of The School of Life (Pty) Ltd and The School of Life Non Profit Organisation. Tracey is a neurodiverse individual with over 20 years of counselling and coaching experience. She has dedicated her practice to uplifting individuals from all walks of life. She has personally trained over 60 Life skills coaches and leads a team of like minded, dedicated, knowledgeable and passionate coaches who altruistically educate, equip, empower and inspire individuals by raising self awareness, developing life skills and cultivating self-respect.
