Written by: Joanne Hughes, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Can you believe that this title is actually what people are searching for according to the tool “Ask the public”? I guess it surprised me a bit at first. Only then I knew where it was coming from?
Is there a fear that "Men" are becoming extinct, our very own species in danger? I hear many of my friends and other women make the statement, "where are all the good men"? Maybe this has been said for years, but lately, as the world begins to spin again and we go back to some normalcy, I wonder if this now has a different meaning. As I do a bit of research myself, I have come to look at that question a lot differently. For me, I see it as more a great and vast divide.
I know a lot of people these days that are single, and I have a lot of curiosity when it comes to what I see happening on the planet and also what I see in the alarming numbers of mental health issues arising and also auto-immune disease. I know you must be wondering if I am talking about the same subject at this time, and I assure you I am. You see, I am fascinated with the subject of trauma, and that is where my passion lies. You see, trauma is more about the disconnect, more about how we manage the trauma within our being and how that manifests into our lives.
The amount of men that have experienced trauma is really quite phenomenal. More so than what I had ever thought existed, and believe me, I thought the numbers were high. Most men tend to either, as I'm sure I've talked about before, push their emotions to the side, and therefore it becomes like a time bomb waiting for the right person to come along to say the wrong thing for it to explode into an episode of rage or anger. Another way it may manifest is by trying to numb the memories and shame and guilt and will come out as "addictions." The biggest thing that I see for men and women is "Disconnect." The feeling of separateness from not only each other but the disconnect from self.
Interpersonal neurobiology is essentially an interdisciplinary field that brings together many areas of science, including but not limited to anthropology, biology, linguistics, mathematics, physics, and psychology, to determine common findings of the human experience from different perspectives. So it is also known that human beings affect not only each other's neurobiology but also each other's biology and physiology. ***According to Dr. Gabor Mate. So, my stream of consciousness around this theory goes something like this. "A woman living with a man that becomes controlling and emotionally abusive, she internalizes that stress and it affects her physiology and wellbeing and her risk of cancer or an auto-immune disease will rise, so then she leaves this relationship (best case scenario), and she will now have fear around getting into another relationship, and her body will actually have a physiological effect being around men. The man has trauma, and he also internalizes it, and it manifests itself through addictions to alcohol and anger because he feels disconnected from himself and now feels isolated because he is not in a relationship.
I think we are all pretty disconnected from ourselves these days for a variety of reasons. Our phones, the internet, social media, noise pollution, and trauma, depression, and anxiety. We look for ways to disconnect from our emotions, our pain, and the feelings that we have so we no longer have to experience the troubles that we have. What arises from this, though, is we become shut off and disconnected from each other, and then we forget the most important parts of ourselves. Working through all of this and trying to make sense of it will set us free.
Joanne Hughes, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Joanne Hughes has over 20 years of experience in strategic intervention, divorce prevention, relationship coaching, and trauma work. As a best-selling author, R.C.M.P Victim Services Advocate, and trauma survivor, she has firmly positioned herself in the field of grief and trauma counseling. Joanne currently focuses on Men’s breakthrough coaching. She has made it her mission to help men work through their particular set of challenges and to help them ‘find their way home’ by reconnecting to their power, their mission, and positive spiritual side in order to create more room for compassion towards themselves and the people in their lives.
