Written by Wallace Shane Giron Dharmasena, Author
Wallace Shane Giron Dharmasena is an individual with an undying passion for the art of literature and filmmaking. He is the creator of Reflections, a page that focuses on forging thought provoking, heartfelt, and hopeful works of poetry. An author of multiple books, his most notable work being "You, The Beauty & The Madness In Between."
Opportunities that have passed, chances that were never taken, shots at dreams that were never given, mistakes that were made, words that have and haven’t been said. Each and every aspect is set in stone in our minds, eternally haunting and taunting us with its very sting. The everlasting sting of disappointment, sorrow, and failure, widely known by billions, as the sting of regret.
Side effect
Pondering upon your past regrets, can often be quite nerve-wrecking. Let’s be honest, reliving your worst decisions, that equally led to the worst phases of your life, is anything but easy. You’ll start feeling an intense rush of dreadful emotions and thoughts that you thought you overcame. You’ll beat yourself up, calling yourself all sorts of insulting and disgusting labels, further dragging yourself down the never-ending rabbit hole. It may even cause you to shed a few tears here and there or indulge in vices that help with numbing the pain. But that just depends on how emotionally vulnerable and honest you are with yourself.
The big question
What if? What if I had done things differently? What if I had spent the time I had more wisely? What if I made sensible decisions? What if I went with my mind instead of my gut? What if I wasn’t such a coward? And the list goes on and on. Perhaps, it’s the first and only question that resonates in our minds, amidst such a phase. We plunge ourselves in a vast ocean of scenarios, finding the perfect one where everything works out. But amidst the endless scenarios and questions that constantly flood our minds, it’s worth asking one very important question: “What is all this contemplating and dwelling really for?”. Is it to instil a false sense of hope that what has now gone may eventually return? Is it simply so that one may reminisce in this picture-perfect memory? One that came crumbling down at the hands of reality. Or is it to better oneself, so that the mistakes of the past do not interfere nor influence the events of the present and the future? It’s something to deeply ponder on.
Harnessing regret the right way
If you’ve truthfully answered the question presented earlier and are currently wondering what’s next, I’ve taken the time in preparing some practices for us to partake in:
Set in stone
Eventually, when you are ready; you must be willing to accept that whatever had happened in the past, has happened already. Be it by your own fault, or by the fault of external aspects that were completely out of your control. The very first step to healing from regret and moving on, is acceptance. As they say, the first step is always the toughest one to take, and this is no different. But at some point, you have to come to terms with the truth that there’s nothing more that you could do, to alter what happened.
Lessons for the wise
Instead of dwelling on the pain and wallowing in self-pity and blame, as painful as it is, why not make use of the pain that you feel? Why not perceive these instances as lessons for growth as a human being, instead of burdens that hold you captive. After all, life is a journey of lessons. You’re going to make mistakes, you’re going to fail, you’re going to fall, and you’re going to be broken. But it is our capability as humans, to analyse, learn, and enhance. So, why not learn from it, instead of dwelling in it, and use it as a reminder to grow, do better, and be better the next go round.
Differently
“I wish I could’ve done things differently.” Well, now you can. Not in the past, but rather in the present time and beyond. Rationalize it out, each and every single day. Instead of acting out on raw emotion, put some thought in your actions and words, before doing or saying things to get your point across. Instead of wasting time on matters that are replaceable, invest time in things that are undoubtedly irreplaceable. Muster up the courage from within you, to take the initiative to do things better, to do things differently. More often, you beat yourself up over things that you can no longer change and allow it to discourage yourself and capabilities. Fixated on your mishaps and failures, overlooking the infinite horizons that lie before you, and all the good that you can do from this day forward.
No escape
As a wise man once said, “You have to choose your regrets.” If you really think about it, you cannot outright eliminate the aspect of regrets in your life. Even after all the self-contemplating and learning from past mistakes and lessons, you will still come across situations which will require you to make a multitude of choices, be it miniscule or grandiose. Choices that you will hold yourself accountable too. Ones that will eventually plague you with the sting of regret once more. It’s unfair and cruel, but so are most things in life. However, with your insights that you’ve obtained from growing through life’s endless lessons about choices and their consequences, you’ll be able to, at the very least, distinguish the weight of your choices in certain situations that you encounter along the way. Which will then prompt you, into making choices that ultimately decrease the overbearing weight of regret and its impacts on you and your life.
Read more from Wallace Shane Giron Dharmasena
Wallace Shane Giron Dharmasena, Author
Wallace Shane Giron Dharmasena is an ecstatic, spontaneous, and hopeful mind. Born with a condition known as Hydrocephalus, which has endowed him with difficulty in walking, coordination, balance, and ridicule in terms of his appearance. He aims to spread a message of hope and redemption in a reality plagued with endless amounts downfalls, dread, and misery. A message that encourages people to look inwards and realize the beauty and goodness that lies within every individual.
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