Veronica is a Holistic Trauma Specialist. She is a qualified BodyTalk Practitioner and qualified TRE Provider and utilises quantum field talk therapy to help her clients address and understand trauma and how it manifests in their body (physically, mentally, and emotionally).
Gossip is more than idle chatter; it can shape relationships, influence reputations, and even impact mental health. Whether whispered in the workplace or shared online, its ripple effect often reaches further than intended. This article explores the complex role gossip plays in our social dynamics and the consequences it carries.
What is gossip?
“Casual or unconstrained conversations or reports about other people” Oxford Language
Gossip is not merely words. It shapes other people’s opinions of the individual being gossiped about, and sometimes, this can be used as a form of manipulation.
The gossip spectrum
Gossip can range from general chitchat about someone and one’s opinion of them.
Example: “I can’t believe she made that decision; I would never do that,” etc.
This can be considered mild. It is an opinion of someone, not the nicest thing to say depending on the situation and the event; as one really does not know the circumstances surrounding her decision, and more importantly she was not present in the discussions. However, this is not too damaging, people will always have opinions surrounding other people. Importantly, this form of chatting usually does not look to alter that individual’s reputation. It originates from a place of talking about something, which can range from normal discussions around a person or event, such as business discussions about an employees’ resignation to a mild form of gossip, to gossiping about what others are doing. This then tends to dip into making one feel better about themselves. We will focus on gossip as manipulation in this article, as described below.
Gossip as a form of manipulation
This is deliberate. A story is told about someone with the motivation (usually unconscious, but can be conscious) being to alter someone else’s view of that individual, based on what you say about them. It usually involves the gossiper’s personal emotions towards that individual, and what is said can range from slight embellishment to full-on lies. Both are dishonest and deceitful.
Example: “Did you know that as I walked into the room, she looked me up and down, and said she didn’t like my dress and told me how terrible it looked on me”. The reality was not as represented. A slight embellishment could be that she said, “That style of dress isn’t my favorite style”, or a full-on lie is that she said nothing and those words never came out her mouth. This form of manipulation is often justified by the gossiper/liar as he/she is convinced (by her own emotions and perceptions of the situation) that the individual would say something like that, or the gossiper/liar creates the story to fit a certain image he/she is trying to convey about this individual to others.
The energy of gossip
What happens when one gossips? There is a surge of energy rising in the individual that gossips. Bonding happens over a common opinion of another. This is a very negative way of bonding in a relationship, family, friendship, or business. One feels elevated. This elevation serves its purpose, which is to make one feel superior and in control of another’s reputation. Anything that involves putting another down is rooted in making oneself feel better (albeit superficially and short term), and here we see the reason lodged behind insecurity/arrogance, the need to feel better than another on some level or another. This again has a range from, to elevate oneself above another group, such as “I am better than my family”; to wanting to control and form a reputation about an individual. The problem is that this surge of energy is rooted in control and arrogance, not love and honesty. And this energy has to go somewhere.
What happens in the body?
We will talk specifically about the body language of the gossiper. This is where the problem lies, but let us just touch on the individual being gossiped about.
The one being gossiped about does, on some level, receive that energy if they allow it, but it is not nearly as destructive to them as it is to the one gossiping.
The easiest way to be unaffected is to ignore that individual. Remove their influence over your mind and body (you are in control of this), set boundaries, be careful with what you say around them, respond rather than react, and, where possible, remove your presence. Without a shadow of a doubt, they will usually first deny the gossip and small lies along the way. Ignore this the pattern of their behaviors will reveal the truth of their behaviors. By doing so, you then strengthen yourself, your nervous system, and your energy as you hold full belief that people will expose themselves over time, which they do.
Let’s look at the gossiper and what lies beneath the surface
Influence. Wanting to influence how that individual is seen and wanting to have influence over how others interact with certain individuals.
Arrogance. The belief that one has the right to influence others by strategically (again, usually unconsciously) shaping perceptions of an individual is exceptionally arrogant. Arrogance poses behavioral patterns such as dismissing individuals when their thoughts, ideas, or beliefs are seen as incorrect or a threat to their seemingly superior way. This makes confronting such individuals very difficult when wanting to address the gossip head-on.
Control. The fear of losing control is thus an attempt to gain control. This is very common relating to a controlling individual in a family and in the business world. A boss or family member wants to maintain control in an environment, reducing the independence and freedom of others.
Disrespect for boundaries. Knowing someone is not 100% comfortable with something, but doing it anyway after the boundary has been put in place, this not only shows a person’s entitlement (I am allowed to do such and such), but the disrespect for the individual that has put the boundary in place.
The interesting thing is that what people aim to do is a reflection of what is inside them, so flip the coin. In reality these above situations reflect individuals who often feel insecure and lack control in their own lives. As always, a big part of what happens physically in the body is a mirror for what happens emotionally and mentally in that individual. What could happen in the bodies of these individuals over time?
Stomach-related problems. Insecurity around oneself, masked by “I know who I am”. Confident individuals do not need to prove themselves right; they allow a situation to be and acknowledge everyone as a sovereign right to be. No attempt to influence or control. One’s sense of self lies in the area of the stomach. When this is compromised, so will the functioning of the stomach area.
Bladder control issues. The bladder is associated with fear and control, thus one may experience issues relating to this when they feel that they can no longer control people or situations.
Eye problems. Recurrent eye problems may be associated with not wanting to see a situation or oneself in an honest light.
Substance abuse. This can be rooted in a lack of authentic connection and insecurity, both prime markers in gossipers to make themselves feel better.
Gossip and judgement hold hands. If one does not judge, there is nothing to gossip about. Take a look at what you need to learn from a situation, and let others be themselves. In the same token, do not allow others to dictate to you or manipulate you. What is your best tool when dealing with gossip as a form of manipulation?
Be you. Let them. The truth comes out.
Read more from Veronica di Muro Merchak
Veronica di Muro Merchak, Holistic Trauma Specialist
Veronica has a unique approach to trauma as a Holistic Trauma Specialist. She combines her personal experience, academic qualifications, professional experience, and in-depth intuitive understanding of people to help them navigate their individual situations. An important focus of hers is to empower her clients so they understand how trauma was received by their individual bodies and, above all, how it is possible to move forward in an unapologetic and gracefully powerful way.
