Written by: Jem Fuller, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
We’ve all heard of ‘leading with a servant’s heart’; the idea that good leaders approach their responsibility from the perspective of serving the greater good, the people in their team and the broader beneficiaries of the service or product the organisation provides. So, on the one hand, leadership isn’t about you. But, on the other hand, it is about you because you’re the leader. Duality. It is about you, in as much as it’s about your ability to get out of your own way and not make it about you!
How do you get in the way? When are you inadvertently ‘making it about you’? And what can you do to increasingly improve your ability to serve the greater good from a place of clarity and open-mindedness?
People take things personally – instantly and reactionarily. We can only reference and understand the information received from the environment around us through the filters of bias and beliefs formed throughout our life. Your unique history of events and the meanings you assigned to them, flavour your current version of reality. Without a concerted effort of self-awareness, your past very much flavours your present experience and your expectations of the immediate future.
What’s more, your ego (who you think you are) identifies with your ideologies, your beliefs, your current emotional or mental state, even with the thoughts that continually come and go. And your ego is very defensive. It defends your sense of identity as if any difference-of-opinion or challenge is literally life or death. This means we tend to vehemently defend our beliefs – the ‘way we think things should be’.
If part of a leader’s role in business is to encourage the best out of others – their ideas and solutions, their connection and creativity, their engagement and dedication – in the hope of creating inclusive teams where people with different ideas feel safe to collaborate, then it would do everybody well for the leader to be able to let go of their ego’s need to defend.
This takes dedication to an ongoing practice of something I call ‘Self OK-ness’. By this I mean developing a reflex neurology of radical self-acceptance of the past and present, with the open curiosity to expanding into your potential as time continues. The more OK you are with who you are, the more you can foster a quality of confidence that is so comfortable, it very rarely feels the need to defend. Doing this work fits within the duality model I’m talking about. You need to dedicate time to your own self-development, so that you can make it less about you and more about others when you are leading them.
As you practise an acceptance of everything that has happened in the past, you ‘smooth out the creases’ (so to speak) of your relationship with Self and Life. You are less bound in your associations and filtered perceptions. You become more open-minded. You are freer from your need to defend your perspective. As you loosen your grip of opinions, you improve your ability to ‘see’ others more clearly – to truly understand others and open yourself to different ways.
You become less reactionary, more able to respond. Less clouded by judgement, clearer and more centred. Less governed by emotions, more able to be informed by them. Less distant and more connected with the people around you. A better leader.
So, you might be asking, “Well how do I actually do that? How do I ‘practise’ self-acceptance?” Here are some tips that are simple and implementable:
Start a Mindfulness Meditation practice. This can be just 2 minutes a day. If you don’t know what this is, find an app or online course (there’s one on my website).
Schedule some time each week to sit in contemplation. Ask yourself, what are my beliefs? What are my opinions? Are they necessarily universal truths?
Notice the moments when you hear or read something and react immediately with an opinion. Pause, take a breath, and ask yourself ‘what might some alternative perspectives be?’.
Create some affirmations like ‘I accept my past completely’ or ‘I have nothing to defend’ and commit to saying them out loud each morning.
Create a habit of pausing often throughout the day. When you are in between tasks, or on your way somewhere. When you are about to respond to someone or pick up the phone. When you put the kettle on or are about to brush your teeth. Just pause for a few seconds, notice what you can notice, and then continue with what you were about to do.
Read up on ego and find ways to notice when your ego is driving the bus. Practise noticing your ego and just calling it out. You don’t need to try and get rid of the ego (good luck with that), just simply notice it and pause before reacting.
If being a great leader for others is important to you, dedicate some focus to creating daily habits of curating self-awareness. You will just keep getting better at ‘getting out of the way’ and being able to serve the greater good.
*Bonus Benefit – the less often you take things personally, the less upset/frustrated/disappointed/let-down you are. You will find you have more energy and resilience. Your wellbeing is boosted. Your quality of life is enhanced. ;)
Jem Fuller, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Jem Fuller is a trusted advisor and coach to executive and senior leaders across the public, private and not-for-profit sectors. He brings a fresh perspective from his colourful life of adventures and experiences around the world; from barefoot backpacker, fire-dancer and tattooist, to kindergarten teacher, travel consultant and corporate leader (and many things in between!).
His company, Leaders in Life, has been taking leaders on programs to the remote Himalayan mountains of NW India, the jungles of Northern Bali and remote desert regions of NW Australia since 2014. Jem combines his studies in various ancient healing modalities, mind practises and human behaviour to create practical and relatable strategies for improving leadership and culture.
Jem is a TEDx speaker and the author of 'The Art of Conscious Communication for Thoughtful Men', and 'What Matters Most'. He is regarded as an expert in communication and resilience. Jem's mission: Making lives easier. You can watch his TEDx talk here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lxeRsIi1S0"
