Written by: Oksana Irwin, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
If you have been putting yourself ‘out there’ in the modern dating marketplace and haven’t gotten much traction, you are not alone!
Today’s technology creates a virtual world of millions of people actively dating online. The dating apps allow us to meet people that we would never connect with otherwise. However, even with this unlimited ‘sea of options’, there are still only a select few (less than 5%) who get to enjoy the desired outcomes and are happy with their dating life.
It may sound unfair that there is such a low success rate and why does it works for a small group of people but not for the majority of us?
The better question to ask is: What are the select few doing differently to get the results everyone wants and how can YOU benefit from understanding what’s working for them?
The difference between those for whom it’s working is not the looks, clothes, money, lifestyle, or bling that they show off. It has everything to do with their dating and relationship skills, their emotional intelligence, and the energy they create in their dating lives. All these factors can be consciously developed and applied. You don’t have to be a special unicorn to have success in dating. But you need to learn the skills!
The successful daters have invested the time and work to develop strong relationship skills. They know what to do and what not to do to create attraction and build an intimate connection on their dates. Intentionally.
What do they do and not do to create this attraction and intimacy?
Below is a list of the most common Does and Don’ts of Modern Dating :
Don’t try too hard to ‘impress’ or ‘demonstrate’ your values to someone you are meeting for the first time or are just getting to know in the early stages of dating.
Don’t spend a lot of effort to let them know how nice, smart, cool, sincere, helpful, serious, loyal, reliable, understanding, honest, and successful you are.
Don’t be an ‘open book’ and imply that you are a ‘safe’ bet.
Don’t tell them that you don’t like ‘playing games’ and that you have serious intentions such as a long-term relationship or marriage.
Don’t treat the date as a ‘job interview’ and methodically gather data from them by asking direct questions about what they want, what their intentions are, and what they are looking for in a man/woman.
Don’t try to figure where or not they like you or think too far ahead if they are ‘the one’.
Don’t ask a million ‘pre-qualifying’ questions to determine whether or not they fit into your ‘list’ or ‘agenda.’
Everything on this list of Don’t’s are attraction killers. If you follow these behaviors on dates, your dating life will be an endless cycle of watching the quality people you are interested in disappear from your life and settling for spending time with clingy people to who you are not truly attracted to.
Instead,
Do truly enjoy your dating experience and be fun and engaging.
Do simply lean back, listen, and observe your date. Listen to what they say, see what they do, and watch how they react. You will get a lot more of your questions answered (and much more honestly) by letting them talk and by reading their energy.
Do act like you are detached from the outcome and are here to enjoy the moment.
Do act like you are interested in them and are enjoying their company. This will allow them to feel safe and relaxed. That will prompt them to share their truth, values, and what is important to them with you.
Do lean back, have fun and be fun to be around.
Do act interested and be engaging. Let them talk, let them express themselves, and just gently steer the conversation.
AND Most Importantly...
Do remember that your only job is to be fun and engaging, enjoy yourself, and watch for green lights and of course those red flags!
If you want to uplevel your dating game, activate your dating mojo, become a magnet to high-value matches, and be in charge of your dating game.
If you want to have success, Every. Single. Time in your dating experience without relying on ‘luck’ or ‘chance’, connect with me at my LinkedIn, Facebook Profile and connect with me on Instagram or visit my website. I look forward to sharing my zone of genius with you!
Oksana Irwin, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Oksana Irwin is a Certified Mars – Venus Life and Relationship Coach, trained by the legendary John Gray. She is on a continuing mission to change the world one love story at a time!
Oksana is a leader in the dating and relationship coaching field. She equips her clients with powerful behaviors, winning mindsets, and gender intelligence knowledge that empowers them to unleash their mental and emotional constraints and achieve their very best in love, life, and career.
Within 3 years of sadly losing both her long-term marriage and role in a thriving family business, Oksana has created a new loving, passionate relationship and built a successful coaching business. She turned her pain into passion, passion into purpose, and purpose into profit by helping many women along the way.
She impacts her clients by unlocking access to feminine power, lowering stress, and skyrocketing confidence. Her clients learn effective and powerful gender dynamics, sufficient hormonal balance, and potent attraction and polarity techniques that produce outstanding results in creating loving and lasting passionate relationships and thriving successful and fulfilling lives.
