Written by: Mara Mussoni, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
How often do we hear throughout our lives that we should be optimistic and always see the bright side of things?
How many times, in moments of dismay or difficulty, are we encouraged not to dwell too much on our problems and to think positively?
But most importantly, is it really true that by pushing away negative thoughts, one can feel good?
In this article, let's explore together why some believe that positive thinking can enhance a person's well-being, and what the damages of positive thinking are, especially in an oncological context.
Positive thinking: What is it about?
Positive thinking as a philosophy of life originated in America in the early 20th century. This trend achieved great success from the outset, to the point of attracting the interest not only of metaphysical and spiritual scholars and enthusiasts but also of world-renowned physicians, scientists, and psychologists.
Regardless of how one chooses to interpret it, positive thinking is a way of understanding life that is primarily based on affirmation and the rejection of pessimism. According to these theories, by directing the mind towards positive thoughts, emotions, and sensations, it is possible to enhance one's well-being and improve the quality of life on both a physical and mental level.
The great advantage of positive thinking is that it is accessible to everyone: to put it into practice, one simply needs to repeat affirmative mantra phrases to oneself, meditate, and make an effort to push away everything conventionally considered negative, and therefore harmful.
This life philosophy, now widely embraced and practiced worldwide, has been transmitted and disseminated primarily thanks to Louise Hay, author of self-help books such as "You Can Heal Your Life" or "Think Positive."
Is it really that simple to feel good?
The theories of positive thinking have entered the collective consciousness in an extraordinarily incisive manner: slogans, catchy songs, motivational phrases, quotes, or advertisements urging us to be optimistic always, to seek well-being on every occasion, and to avoid sensations such as dismay, anger, sadness, or frustration.
But are we really sure that the secret to happiness lies in avoiding negative thinking and distraction? In reality, things are not as simple as they seem: repeating a mantra or diverting thoughts towards other goals alone are not enough to pull a person out of a condition of much more complex and articulated distress.
And then, what leads us to believe that the darkest moods, which are often the most intense because they prompt deep reflection and real self-awareness, cannot bring us benefits?
Let it be clear, I also use and teach distraction techniques to guide the mind where I want it to go, rather than leaving it to mental confusion. But within certain limits and with certain assumptions: there is always a balance to be struck.
The damages of positive thinking
Feeling good is not a state that can be achieved solely through thought. Feeling good is the result of a process that involves thought but also practical action, constant effort, and above all, acceptance of the present as it is, with all the difficulties, doubts, anxieties, and fears that characterize it.
It is only when a person applies themselves, training with daily exercises like the 'three gratitudes' and 'three beautiful things' that I systematically assign within my individual program, that they can develop what is first a constructive and then a positive thought. And not necessarily positive.
Every time someone is told to think positively in a moment of great difficulty, significant damage is done: the guilt derived from not being able to do it. And not being able to do it is, among other things, physiological and normal if one does not have practical tools available to overcome a specific obstacle. If saying "Think positive" were enough to succeed, there would probably be far fewer frustrated people. But no, that's not how it works.
Denying suffering is a good thing?
Of course, surrendering to the theories of positive thinking is easy if we are healthy, surrounded by loved ones, and at a time when everything seems to be going well. But what happens if these conditions are not present?
Those who face illness, especially oncological disease, are often repeatedly told encouraging phrases that are devoid of usefulness, including classic invitations to be patient and not think about everything that makes them feel bad.
Remember that the invitation to distraction in these cases is not always functional: when you are forced to confront a difficult situation, you literally have to wrestle with your own suffering.
Only by grappling with everything that makes you feel bad can you make sense of what you feel. A sense that will make the process of acceptance and transformation of negative dynamics into functional ones for change much easier. In other words, only by giving ourselves permission to feel bad and go through the suffering that we often shy away from as an unconscious dynamic of being human can we regain that vitality and renewed energy. Otherwise, we are just pretending to feel good, because it is by avoiding pain that we maintain a homeostasis (balance) of suffering.
To give a practical example, it's like when we have the flu and take a pain reliever to go to work and pretend everything is fine, rather than staying home in bed and giving our body the right time to recover. Is it true or not that by ignoring the symptoms, we only prolong the state of illness?
The two sides of the coin
Just as it is impossible to live only during the day and delude ourselves that night does not exist, it is impossible to strive to think positively without dealing with the other side of the coin, that of negativity. We live in a dual and bipolar world, in which everything exists precisely by virtue of its opposite. It is from sadness that joy and happiness derive their value; it is by observing evil that we realize the need for good; it is by grappling with death that we can appreciate life and learn to live it fully.
As the principles of Taoism and traditional Chinese medicine also teach us, although they are two opposite concepts, yin and yang are never absolute because each contains a part of the other within it.
In virtue of all this, it is impossible to reject negative thinking outright, because even within it is contained the root of positivity.
From positive thinking to constructive thinking: Cancer coaching
To limit the damages of positive thinking, during the approach with those who live with oncological disease, the professional should always leverage the need to turn thinking into action. As I teach professionals who attend the Master in Cancer Coaching, those affected by illness carry within themselves a great burden of frustration and suffering to process, and the best way to do this is through constant effort that goes far beyond goodwill or the desire to 'stop thinking'.
To break out of the cycle of illness – a cycle that sometimes persists in the individual even after the body has healed – and to avoid the risk of relapse, one must work hard on oneself, analyze one's needs, relational dynamics, and commit to building a new self-image, without denying or hiding the scars of the body and soul.
Changing the experience of illness is possible not only with words or thoughts but with practical exercises that allow the acquisition of new awareness.
Contacts
Mara Mussoni, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Mara Mussoni, the first Cancer Coach in Italy and Europe has a specific mission: to improve the lives of people facing illness. Having personally experienced cancer twice, she has developed a specific and practical method to activate people's resources, enabling them not to be passive victims of the disease but to become active participants in their journey towards healing. She helps individuals directly and indirectly affected by illness and she trains hundreds of care relationship professionals worldwide, equipping them with a specific method to utilize effective communication, approaches, and transformative strategies, making a difference in the lives of those they assist.
