Malissa Veroni is the founding CEO and lead therapist at Keep’N It Real Solutions. For the past 15 years Malissa has been a foot soldier in the field of social work; teaching, and serving students and clients alike. She is a published author, mentor, and mental health therapist who focuses on combining theory, practical approach and individual quality holistic care to help clients heal and grow from a variety of concerns.
Halloween’s almost here, and in some parts of the world, people of all ages especially children- are slipping into costumes, disguising themselves in fun or frightful ways that temporarily mask who they really are, in hopes of making them unrecognizable, even to their closest friends. It’s all in good fun, but when we draw a parallel to something far more insidious, a darker picture emerges. Narcissists, much like Halloween costumes, present a crafted, false version of themselves not only to the world but, more importantly, to the people they pull into their lives. Suddenly, it’s not all fun and games.
In this article, we’ll explore how the concept of Halloween disguises mirrors the experience of being with a narcissist. The goal is to reveal how these individuals hide their true selves until it’s often too late for those entangled, and we’ll share essential strategies to help you see past the mask and start on the path to healing.
The costume: A false front
If only the mask could come off as easily as a Halloween costume does.
On Halloween, people dress up to be someone they’re not, but just for one night. It’s something I always enjoy doing myself! However, for those who have encountered a narcissist, that costume one of charisma, charm, and allure is not something worn for a night; it’s often a daily act meant to manipulate and control.
The narcissistic costume
Like a Halloween outfit, narcissists construct a crafted image to draw people in. Initially, they may seem exciting, caring, and even too good to be true, but this mask conceals something far darker. Many people in relationships with narcissists say they feel they’ve fallen for an illusion, a meticulously crafted costume that only comes off after they’re already emotionally invested.
The unmasking process
Just as Halloween night eventually comes to an end, narcissists can’t maintain their charade forever. Over time, small cracks in the mask begin to show, revealing their true personality, which is often manipulative, dismissive, or controlling.
But once the mask slips, the game changes. This leads us to the next aspect of narcissistic abuse: the endless trick-or-treat cycle.
The trick-or-treat cycle: The game of rewards and punishments
Much like trick-or-treating, the narcissist offers treats to lure you in, only to switch to tricks when you least expect it.
Halloween is supposed to be a playful night full of fun surprises. But with a narcissist, this cycle of “treats” (affection, praise, gifts) and “tricks” (criticism, silent treatment, withdrawal) is more sinister. The highs and lows keep victims constantly on edge, hoping the mask of kindness and affection will return, even if just for a little while.
The emotional rollercoaster
Narcissists lure you with love-bombing, only to switch to chilling withdrawal, leaving you forever questioning: is the real person the mask, or the darkness behind it? It’s like a haunted Halloween night that never ends. You reach for kindness, bracing for either candy or a scare. Recognizing this cycle for the trap it is can be your first step off the rollercoaster toward freedom.
The long Halloween night
Living in this cycle is like being caught in an endless Halloween night, where you’re forever reaching for candy only to be given a scare instead. Recognizing this game is crucial for anyone seeking to break free.
The trick-or-treat cycle of narcissistic abuse is relentless, keeping you teetering between sweet promises and sudden, chilling scares. But once you unmask the game, you gain the power to break free however that looks for you and step off the haunted carnival ride for good.
Taking off the mask: Finding clarity and freedom
Halloween ends, but healing begins when you take off the mask and face the truth.
Halloween masks are fun when you know they’re temporary, but living with a narcissist can feel like you’re always waiting for the mask to come off. Accepting the painful reality behind the narcissist’s mask is a crucial step toward reclaiming your life and self-worth.
The power of the ‘Unmasking’ moment
Many survivors describe a pivotal moment when they realize the truth behind the facade, a moment that feels like the end of Halloween night when the costume party is over, and real identities come to light. This revelation, while painful, is ultimately freeing.
Healing and reclaiming self
After spending time with someone who presented a false version of themselves, trusting others and even yourself can feel challenging. Healing involves reconnecting with yourself, rebuilding your sense of reality, and moving forward with resilience.
Tips to heal and move forward
Reconnect with activities and people who reflect your true self.
Find a support group or therapist familiar with narcissistic abuse.
Remember that it’s okay to feel conflicted emotions; healing is not a linear process.
The real you deserves to be seen
Halloween may come and go, but your true self deserves to be seen, respected, and celebrated every day of the year. For those recovering from narcissistic abuse, letting go of illusions and seeing things as they are is an act of courage and a journey toward self-empowerment. As you unmask the illusion, you reclaim your right to authentic connection—no costumes required.
Ready to unmask?
At Keep'N It Real Solutions, we believe in the power of authenticity and healing. If you're ready to explore your true self and break free from the masks that hold you back, I invite you to book a session with me. Together, we’ll navigate your journey toward self-discovery and empowerment.
Visit here to schedule your appointment today. Your path to healing starts here!
Malissa Veroni, Founding CEO & Lead Therapist
Malissa Veroni is the founding CEO and lead therapist at Keep’N It Real Solutions. For the past 15 years, Malissa has been a foot soldier in the field of social work, teaching and serving students and clients alike. She is a published author, mentor, and mental health therapist who focuses on combining theory, practical approach and individual quality holistic care to help clients heal and grow from a variety of concerns. Malissa is known as a specialist in the field of Narcissistic Abuse, Intimate Partner Violence, the LGBTQ2s Community, and in Sex Therapy. She is also a Designated Capacity Assessor and a mentor to several social workers worldwide.
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