Written by: Victor Mosconi, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
You feel you’re a fake, you’re a fraud! You have self-doubt.
That’s how impostor syndrome is often described.
Yes, that is part of it. Feeling like a fraud and experiencing self-doubt. But, impostor syndrome is not an experience that simple and direct.
Impostor syndrome, more accurately known as the impostor phenomenon is a complex construct that reflects the struggle to appreciate yourself and know your self-worth. While at the same time the need to constantly seek outside sources and people for acceptance and approval.
It is the desires, and expectations of others, intertwined with a lack of self-belief in who you are and what you are capable of accomplishing that make up the impostor syndrome experience. Does self-doubt play a part? Yes, but there is more to the experience.
Self-doubt
Self-doubt is defined as a lack of belief or confidence in oneself.
Saying impostor syndrome is about feeling like a fake and a fraud and having self-doubt focuses the attention on not being able to achieve goals or not striving for new opportunities due to lack of confidence. This completely overlooks the people experiencing impostor syndrome who achieved higher degrees, started a business, and succeeded in gaining promotional positions.
Where this is a part of the experience, it’s not a singular issue. Those that achieve success in a higher degree, entrepreneurial developments, and leadership positions struggle with impostor syndrome in self-doubt, and fraudulent thoughts, but continue to succeed. Yet, it’s not just a self-doubt issue, but a need to prove themselves to others through outside achievements.
Outside validation
Hoping the success of those outside achievements will bring them the self-assuredness they seek as well as the approval they desire from others to validate their existence.
It’s not just about thinking you’re a fraud, but also a need to prove yourself. It’s not self-doubt about not being able to achieve a goal, it’s fear you aren’t good enough even once you achieve it.
Why? Because you don’t believe in yourself and you don’t see your own value in your accomplishments.
You worry others will see you as not being good enough, and you see your achievements as being of luck and chance.
The focus is on what you feel and perceive others want, expect, and desire for your life.
That’s the complex aspect of impostor syndrome. It’s about the expectations of others, the need for outside approval, and that lack of self-belief.
Why you don’t feel good enough.
Expectations of others
You’ve lived your life on others' terms. Others may be your family, work environment, or society. Growing up there was always a need for you to be a certain way, behave as was desired, and become the person others wanted. Other people trying to shape you into what they wanted. You didn’t get to appreciate yourself and what you wanted for your life.
Comparison
Connected to the expectations of others, is when you then compare yourself with what you perceive others to expect or deem good enough. Social media is big on this. The need to compare yourself with everyone else out there.
To believe you need to be like others or achieve what others have to be good enough.
To question why you don’t have what they have, aren’t as smart as they are, as talented as they are, overall just not good enough. Your focus is always on what others have and what others deem as good enough.
Lack of self-appreciation
Because of the expectations and comparisons to others, you then seek out accomplishments and achievements you feel will make you more acceptable in the eyes of others. If you get this degree, you’ll be seen as smart enough. If you achieve this success, you’ll have made it and be seen as good enough. It continues the pattern of going for what others expect for your life, and what others deem as what you need.
However, when you achieve any of those, you never feel satisfied or good enough, because you lack belief in your own knowledge and skills for your success. In turn, you don’t feel you’re good enough because success wasn’t due to you. It was luck, chance, due to others’ knowledge and skills.
These desires and expectations of others are intertwined with a lack of self-belief in who you are and what you are capable of accomplishing.
The challenge is to know what you want for your life, keep the expectations of others out of your thoughts, and appreciate your role in your success.
To diminish the impostor syndrome effect, you need to build up your self-appreciation and see value in who you are and what you accomplish.
5 best steps to overcome impostor syndrome:
Self-appreciation
Value what you do and who you are. Self-appreciation isn’t selfish. It’s caring for yourself and acknowledging that you value your qualities, character, and uniqueness.
Self-appreciation is about being good to yourself in your thoughts, attitude, and how you treat yourself each day. You are respecting yourself in all you do and in who you are.
Confidence in own choices
You are making the best choices and decisions for yourself, with the knowledge you have at that time. You are not concerned with what others would do or would want you to do.
You also understand if you make a mistake, you will learn from it for future opportunities. For now, it’s about knowing you are doing the best you can.
Value your own success
Recognizing and embracing your own worth and contributions to your success. It is not due to luck or chance. It’s not because of what others have done at the expense of your contributions.
The success you achieve is because of you. Your achievements are due to your knowledge, skills, and the quality of who you are.
Acknowledge your own capabilities
This ties into valuing your success where you embrace and recognize your own skills, knowledge, and abilities in all you do. You are not focused on what you lack or what others have, but on what you can do.
You appreciate your own skills and knowledge and how you continue to grow as a person.
Focus on your own growth
It’s about your growth. It’s not someone else’s life and journey. It’s not what others have achieved. Your journey and development of your character, knowledge, and abilities are about you. You’re following your path for your own benefit and development.
When following these 5 steps in your life, you will pull away from the self-doubt, the expectations of others, and the need for outside approval.
You will build up your self-belief, acknowledging and appreciating your own qualities and seeking out goals and accomplishments that fit your life. The direct goal is to know your self-worth and to approve of yourself.
It is not easy at first. It is not just one part of your growth to focus on. Impostor syndrome is complex and affects you on various levels. You will overcome this complex and restrictive experience by focusing on your journey, and through growing your self-appreciation and value in who you are and all you do.
Victor Mosconi, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Victor Mosconi, is a Ph.D. Candidate in Psychology, with a Master’s in Psychology of Leadership Development and Coaching, a Master’s in Industrial/Organizational Psychology, and the founder of Imposter Solution Coach. Through his life-long experience with imposter syndrome, his psychology background, and coaching skills, Victor specializes in supporting up-and-coming women leaders and entrepreneurs in overcoming their self-doubt and imposter thoughts to develop a mindset of self-appreciation and strong self-belief. Take his quiz on his website and discover what level of impostor syndrome you experience.
