Written by: Mahara Wayman, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Have you ever found yourself at work thinking one thing yet saying something else or worse, not saying anything at all? Speaking your truth consistently at work can be daunting at the best of times and crippling when times are tough. However, the repercussions of not doing so can also be drastic and long-lasting.
There are good reasons for staying quiet at work. You may recognize that your timing isn't right for a particular comment. You happen to know that another meeting is dedicated to your idea the following week, for example. Perhaps, you notice that while your thoughts are interesting and valuable, the current audience isn't the correct one to either appreciate or understand their validity. These are examples of your stellar navigating skills and are not what this article will explore. Instead, it will look at those times you regret either saying your piece or not, as the case may be.
Let's take a closer look at this in play when it is a challenge.
I recently had an interesting coaching session with a woman about how she communicates at work. It seems that she has experienced both sides of the "Speaking Up" coin (heads, you speak up, and it's terrific, tails you speak up, and it's a disaster.)
There have been times when she enthusiastically shared her thoughts in a meeting, and her comments were well received, prompting a robust discussion with positive feedback. At these times, she left the sessions feeling wonderful and was happy she chose to contribute. She was even more delighted in one particular instance when she was given the go-ahead to action one of her suggestions. For weeks afterward, she felt energized and engaged with her peers and the company.
The flip side is she has, at other times, enthusiastically spoken up, only to be met with silence and, as she put it, "the side-eye" from her peers. These experiences resulted in a few things. She immediately interpreted the silence and side-eye as negative feedback on her idea. What followed was weeks of self-doubt and feelings of embarrassment to have spoken up. The ultimate result was that she was reluctant to speak up at the next few meetings and stayed silent despite having provocative thoughts on the discussions. She wasn't confident her opinion would be well received and didn't want to risk a repeat of the awkward silence and "side-eye." It was months before she dared speak up in a meeting. You can see how vastly different the two experiences were for her. Through our coaching, she now understands that her challenge is to speak her truth consistently, not just when she thinks it will be well received and regardless of the feedback she may get. Easier said than done.
So why is it difficult to always speak your truth at work? Fear is the most straightforward answer, although the reasons behind the fear are anything but. You could fear sounding foolish, seen as forward or bossy, perceived as a know-it-all, or fear being wrong. The reasons for people's fear of speaking up in the workplace are varied, but the results of giving in to that fear are not. When we allow our fears to silence us at work, we risk feeling small, unworthy, and unimportant. We may also inadvertently jeopardize our efforts to thrive and advance in our careers.
Through discussions with me, my client recognized she was doing herself a disservice by waffling at work this way and not honoring her truth regularly. After identifying where her particular fear sprang from, she accepted that it is okay if not all her ideas work. If her views are not fully understood, it's an opportunity to develop her ideas and communication style. She realized that people's responses to her thoughts are a reflection of them more than her, and she wasn't responsible for that. She also knows that even good ideas sometimes need to be put on the back burner. However, the most important thing she has learned is that she deserves to be heard regardless of what she is saying.
Today, having faced her fear, she is much happier at work and feels empowered to contribute regularly. She has confidence in her ability to share her thoughts and takes all feedback positively.
While recognizing your fears is a necessary first step, it is not always straightforward, nor does it guarantee success. You need to take steps to manage your worries or conquer them if that is your choice.
Here are a few simple steps that may help if you find yourself staying silent at work despite wanting to contribute.
Remind yourself that you are an essential part of the team and you matter.
Acknowledge the particular fear that is holding you back.
Play the "what-if" game to look at all the possible scenarios of speaking up.
Decide how you want to tackle that fear. Either with slow and methodical daily steps that allow you to easily course-correct if needed or by multi-tasking your way with determination and speed or perhaps, head-on with a call to action that has your front and center. You get to decide.
Regardless of how you choose to deal with your fears of speaking up authentically at work, I guarantee the effort will be worth it. Not only will you feel better about yourself, but your peers will learn from your example that work can, and should be, a safe place to share your thoughts.
If this article resonated with you or would like to connect with me directly, please do so via my social media links: Instagram, Facebook, Website, and Linkedin.
Mahara Wayman, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Mahara began her coaching career working for a global health and wellness company, helping thousands transform their lives. Recently she decided to pursue her passion for helping women and started her company, Mindfulness With Mahara. She couples her years of experience with powerful techniques and her innate curiosity to help professional women find happiness in their careers and with themselves.
