Written by: Lisa Tahir, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
In working to heal emotional core wounding and vulnerability it’s natural that memories of loss and feelings of sadness, even grief, are exposed. The groundbreaking work of Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, who identified the different stages of death and dying, is worth mentioning here, as we too may find ourselves going through these stages as we excavate painful memories and put them finally to bed. These five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. They were expanded upon when she and grief expert David Kessler wrote the classic On Grief and Grieving, introducing the stages of grief with transformative pragmatism and compassion.
Kessler, who I had the pleasure of interviewing on my All Things Therapy podcast, has gone beyond the classic five stages to discover a sixth stage: finding meaning. Kessler’s newest book is entitled Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief.
These stages are not steps on a linear timeline and everyone experiences these stages in an order that is necessary for their own healing.
Often an individual will cycle through these stages multiple times as they are able to assimilate the healing of each stage at deeper and deeper levels of integration. There is no right or wrong way to process and heal from grief and loss; it’s a highly individualized and personal process.
The chakra system
In the service of helping you make friends with your memories (some of which may have been dormant for years), and their accompanying emotions, I offer a comparison utilizing the Hindu chakra system.
The chakras are energy systems that begin at the base of our spine and move up and through our body, concluding at the top of the head. Of the 114 chakras in the body, we are most familiar with seven. These seven chakras correlate to various aspects of our lives. The chakra system bridges our material world of: body, psychology, and mind with the spiritual world of infinite universal energy.
Often we somaticize our emotions to regions of our body. Indeed, it’s well documented that emotions such as sadness, pain, anger, grief, anxiety, depression, and stress manifest in physical regions of our body and may cause disease. By understanding which particular chakra region of our body may be activated by emotional duress, we can aid our healing by treating that chakra with self-care tools including visualization, sound healing, crystal healing, meditation, energetic bodywork, and Reiki to name just a few.
The root chakra and denial
The first chakra is found at the very base of the spine. As our root chakra, it corresponds to our family of origin, significant occurrences in the past, and our connection to Earth.
The root chakra resonates with the denial stage of grief. For instance, we may struggle to believe that a loved one has died or that our parents were absent or addicted while we were growing up, or that a relationship has ended—and so on and so forth. Any major disruption to the root chakra often feels like our connection to the physical plane, Earth, and everything about earthly life has been severed.
I suggest that when we are experiencing this stage of the grief process, that we ask for and energetically send love and clarity to our root chakra to aid in its healing. There may be work to do around acceptance and letting go of what we cannot change.
The sacral chakra and anger
The second chakra is found in our groin region and is our sacral chakra, the seat of our sexuality, creativity, and emotion.
I envision the sacral chakra as resonating with the anger stage of grief. Again, we may grapple with unresolved anger toward our caretaker(s) or lover(s) for not meeting our needs, abusing us, abandoning us, dying, or for ways we have abandoned ourselves. In its most positive expression anger can move us to action; it can help us to take proactive steps to establish boundaries. Anger can also be destructive if not regulated. If need be, seek help to address anger management issues.
Conversely, you may need to give yourself permission to both feel and express your natural anger.
I suggest that when we experience this stage of the grief process that we ask for and energetically send love and peace to our sacral chakra to aid in our healing. Related to any anger that arises there may be some forgiveness work to do, and/or some healing work around issues of shame and guilt.
The solar plexus chakra and bargaining
The third chakra is found in our midsection and is called our solar plexus chakra. This chakra is the seat of our power and confidence.
I envision the solar plexus chakra as resonating with the bargaining stage of grief. Here again as we struggle to regain our confidence and personal power, we negotiate an endless array of thoughts to mitigate the pain of grief.
As our thoughts circle around past events we may torture our-selves with “if only” scenarios such as, if I would have said this or done that, then maybe the outcome would have been different. Or, if I had just never relapsed by drinking alcohol again, then maybe she/ he would have stayed. Or, if only I had directly told so-and-so of my feelings for them, then maybe they would have seen me as a roman- tic partner. And then we may have, if only I had turned the car left instead of right, they might be alive today. On and on the negotiating goes. After experiencing a loss or having the remembrance of a loss triggered, we can now understand why we struggle so much to reestablish our stability, grounding, confidence, and our center.
I suggest that when we experience this stage of the grief process, that we ask for and energetically send love and strength to our solar plexus chakra to aid in our healing. There may be themes of regret to process and accept. Associated with this area of the body there may also be judgmental thoughts and self-criticism to reframe, shift, and heal.
The heart chakra and depression
The fourth chakra is the heart chakra, associated with love and compassion. The heart chakra is the mediator and bridge between the lower chakras having to do with sex, aggression, and power, and the upper chakras having to do with higher executive functioning and spirituality. This is the region of the body where love emanates from us and is received into us.
I envision the heart chakra as resonating with the depression stage of grief. Over time, as we allow the emotion of sadness to pour out of our hearts through our tears, we allow our emotions and tears to cleanse us of our pain.
I suggest that when we are experiencing this stage of the grief process, that we ask for and energetically send love and patience to our heart chakra to aid in our healing. What is associated with the heart region of our body is loss—pure unadulterated loss. The main task is to be patient as we assimilate what comes up during this time. As many rounds of deep emotion come to the surface, remember to be gently loving with yourself and unconditionally patient.
Many of my clients have a hard time allowing themselves to cry when they feel upset. So I went looking for some research that would aid them in giving permission to their bodies to shed a few tears.
It is scientific fact that tears release three stress hormones from the body when we cry. For you science buffs, the hormones are prolactin, adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH), and leucine encephalin. These stress hormones need to be released for our health and well-being. Dr. William Frey II is credited with this important discovery. I offer this information to you so that you may use it or pass it on to your loved ones or any clients you may have who are overly restrictive in their affect regulation (emotional regulation).
There is a correlation between the degree to which we allow our emotions to flow out from our bodies when we grieve and the amount of energetic room we then create for acceptance, meaning, serenity, peace, and love to enter in.
The throat chakra and acceptance
The fifth chakra is the throat chakra and is associated with truth, communication, and our verbal expression. I envision the throat chakra region of our neck and vocal cords resonating with the acceptance stage of grief.
Here is where our experience of loss begins to come into alignment with our beliefs about life, change, loss, death, and purpose. At this stage we may begin to talk about how a person lived a full life and we begin to understand the choices they made to get there, even though initially this may have been difficult for us to do. We may begin to talk about how we want to find the lessons in this for us and apply this knowledge by possibly living a more intentional or conscious life, for example. Our focus begins to shift from our grief, to ourselves and moving forward. Now we begin to believe that we will make it through.
I suggest that when you are experiencing this stage of the grief process, that you ask for and energetically send love and acknowledgment to your throat chakra to aid in your healing. You will be well served in asking yourself if there is anything you need to say to anyone, since the throat chakra pertains to communication, and determining the appropriate format that would facilitate communication best: in person, or via a phone call, text, email, or letter. Sometimes when this chakra region is activated it is because we may have some unfinished business to clear up. Encourage yourself to take this step for yourself and for those involved.
The third eye chakra and finding meaning
The sixth chakra is known as the third eye. This chakra is located between the eyebrows and is associated with intuition, foresight, and perception. I envision the third eye chakra as resonating with the finding meaning stage of grief. As we become able to weave grief into the fabric of our lives, this chakra represents our ability to transform the earthly (material) pain of the previous stages. Our ability, as human beings, to create meaning separates us from other species.
When we dive into deep emotions that may be hard to pull ourselves out of, we can use our creativity to develop mantras, hopes, and affirmations to call upon in these times of need. Creating new statements that anchor us in our value and worth will also help us move through more emotionally laden moments.
I suggest that when you are experiencing this stage of the grief process you ask for and energetically send love and focus to your third eye chakra to aid in your healing. The ability to create a narrative about our grief is needed to successfully integrate and find meaning in loss.
Unfortunately, some of the hardest losses we face often don’t make any sense at all like in the death of a child or in school shootings. This is where we may turn to spirituality or a higher meaning to cope with such atrocities.
Having a connection to the immaterial or the spiritual, or with nature, literature, art, poetry, music, dance, movies, theater, creativity, and such, are the kinds of things that we can mindfully turn toward and embrace when we feel confused or can’t make sense or meaning of a situation involving loss and grief, be they deeply personal or global in scope.
If the latter, you are not alone in struggling to understand some of the atrocities going on in our world today. Many of us have personally experienced some of these violations, including abuse, abandonment, traumatic personal loss, mass shootings, or random acts of violence. Often these things don’t make sense to us, and perhaps they never will.
What I do know is that points of pain can expand us beyond who we are now and enable us to grow into more beautiful people if we allow this to happen. We do this by tenderly holding onto our precious selves.
We also continue our inner work of healing and tap into gratitude for the love that has broken us open to our core and given birth to many small miracles through us.
A good example of this kind of expansion can be seen in the many young people speaking out for gun control in the United States. The student-led March For Our Lives, which occurred on March 24, 2018,
is a powerful example of the collective coming together to find healing from grief.
In so many ways, this book is my own personal response to being broken open to my core, and in my inability to understand, I began to write. In this creative form, I have found peace and meaning.
The crown chakra and life after death/afterlife
The seventh chakra, the crown chakra, is located at the top of the head. This is the chakra that gives us access to higher states of consciousness and knowing. It connects us to universal knowledge, the infinite and the immaterial, all of which are beyond our conscious reckoning given our current time/space reality on Earth.
If another stage of grief were to be offered, I speculate that it might be a stage related to life after death or the afterlife. Many people have religious, personal, or spiritual beliefs on the matter; others aren’t sure what happens after we die. We all think about it and speculate.
This stage could contribute to answering the question we have asked for thousands of years and may ask: forever: What lies beyond our physical death?
Learn more about healing your emotions and Lisa Tahir’s book, The Chiron Effect: Healing Our Core Wounds through Astrology, Empathy, and Self-Forgiveness, endorsed by His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and available everywhere books are sold.
Lisa Tahir, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Lisa Tahir, is an inspirational podcast host of All Things Therapy, where she seeks to "Change Consciousness One Conversation at a Time.' Her book, "The Chiron Effect: Healing Our Core Wounds through Astrology, Empathy, and Self-Forgiveness," has been acclaimed and endorsed by His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Tahir draws her strength through combining the psychological with the spiritual, and as a licensed therapist seeks to help others in visualizing and creating their very best lives no matter what has been true in the past.
