Written by: Kristen Bilodeau, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Relationships are challenging. Whether that relationship is with a romantic partner, a close friend, family member, or colleague. Relationships take work in order to function in a healthy way; and a certain kind of work to thrive. The word “work” in relationship terms seems to come with a connotation of labor, sacrifice, or compromise.
If we let go of the heaviness of these connotations we breathe life into the real beauty of this type of work. Although the efforts are not without adjustments to perspectives and behaviors, there should be beauty and grace to learning and experiencing the journey we choose to have with our partners. By shifting one’s thinking of the work to the idea that one is strengthening the bones and muscles of a relationship so that the partners grow, learn, and compliment each other as they change and evolve; that is where the strength exits.
A healthy and happy partnership looks different for every couple, but there are key foundational pieces, the “bones”, that give structure and foundation to the relationship. They are the kind of pieces that support individuals when the weight gets heavy. These bones are surrounded by the muscles that must be strengthened to make the partnership more alive and more resilient year after year.
These bones are:
Communication
Not just having it, but being intentional and gracious with why, how, when, and how often you have it. Are you available or disconnected at times when you really need to be? Is your delivery, tone, and mood one that opens the dialogue up for compassion and understanding? How often do you initiate conversations when it matters to you – or to them. Do you make time for true, authentic communication with your partner?
Answering these truthfully with yourself can open up insights into your feelings, thoughts, and actions. Reflect on where you stand in this area so that you can own up to where you are – or aren’t – showing up for yourself or your partner.
Joy and laughter
Taking obligations and adulting so seriously that you can’t laugh or enjoy the simple and beautiful authentically raw moments of life with your partner is, for sure, a recipe to weaken your spirit and relationship. It is extremely easy and convenient to let life’s demands and distractions pull us away from the play. Play is critical; it is what brings us back to what it means to be free, expressive, and creative. This part of ourselves is one we must share with our partner. Whether is letting them experience this side of us or connecting in a moment doing something we both enjoy can be incredibly strengthening for our physical, emotional, and spiritual connection.
Empathy
Respect and appreciation your partner requires empathy. They are growing and evolving humans just like you; they will make mistakes just like you. They will need your support, just like you need theirs.
Be there; truly present. Be compassionate. Be kind. Be open. If we are hard on ourselves and our partners, we can create blocks to empathy and gratitude, further damaging our connection and ability to appreciate the other for who they are.
Make a commitment to strengthening the bones and muscles of your relationship. See and feel what matters; and the nuances and uniquenesses that make you and your partner who you are. Appreciate what each of you brings to the relationship. The gratitude that comes from this shift in thinking is a mindset that can foster a lifetime of love and appreciation.
Kristen Bilodeau, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
As a Personal Development and Marriage Coach, Kristen Bilodeau leads women through their own personal journey of finding their voice, healing their marriage, and releasing their inner wild woman. As a woman who struggled in her own journey to self-awareness and truth in her life and marriage, Kristen uses the power of a woman’s story as the tool and catalyst for change, healing, and growth. She helps women uncover their truth through questioning and reflection so that they are able to be the creator of their experiences and thrive as the woman they were meant to be.
