Written by Janie Terrazas, The Mindfulness Coach
Janie Terrazas is a Mindfulness Coach and creator of PazMesa, a self-mastery guide to help you access inner peace, joy, vitality, and prosperity through mindful living and unconditional loving.
I want to explore a crucial aspect of communication that often goes unnoticed but is vital for creating and sustaining deep, authentic connections and active listening.
Listening and active listening may seem like interchangeable concepts, but there's a profound difference between passively hearing someone and actively engaging with them. Active listening involves not just hearing the words being spoken but comprehending the meaning and intent behind them, the emotions underneath, and responding in a way that enhances understanding and connection.
The essence of active listening
Active listening is a full-contact sport of the mind and heart. It's not enough to sit in silence while someone talks; active listening means engaging with every part of your being. This kind of listening requires focused attention and presence. It is foundational in the S.A.F.E. Communication Method that is a part of the PazMesa Program.
Why active listening matters
When we actively listen, we provide a safe space for others to feel seen, heard, and respected. This doesn't just enrich our interactions; it lays the groundwork for repairing and strengthening relationships post-conflict. Misunderstandings are inevitable in human interactions, but active listening provides the tools not only to navigate these moments but to forge stronger bonds through them.
Active listening vs. passive listening
Passive listening: Often, when we listen passively, we are physically present but mentally distant. We hear words but may miss the subtext or emotional undertones. Passive listening can lead to misinterpretations, misunderstandings, and feelings of neglect, as it might seem that we are not genuinely engaged in the conversation.
Active listening: This involves being fully present, attentive, and curious, showing verbal and non-verbal feedback, and ensuring comprehension through clarification questions or summarizing what the speaker has said. Active listening validates the speaker’s feelings and perspectives and helps clarify their message.
Active listening in difficult conversations: How to stay present
One of the greatest challenges during intensive discussions is maintaining presence, especially when the conversation touches on uncomfortable topics. It’s common to disassociate, get aggressive, or retreat mentally when feeling threatened or overwhelmed. Recognizing when you’re starting to disengage or get defensive and consciously choosing to stay mentally and emotionally present and grounded is the goal of S.A.F.E. talks.
Tips for practicing active listening
Focus on the speaker: Put your phone away and put aside distracting thoughts. Focus your full attention on the speaker. Avoid preparing your response while they are speaking; instead, listen with compassionate curiosity and the intent to understand first.
Show that you’re listening: Use non-verbal cues like nodding, eye contact, and leaning forward. Verbal affirmations like “I see” or “I hear you” also indicate that you are engaged.
Provide feedback: Reflect on what has been said by paraphrasing. “What I'm hearing is.” and “Sounds like you are saying.” are great ways to show that you are listening and to clarify the speaker's message.
Defer judgment: Active listening involves holding off on judgment until you fully understand the speaker’s perspective. Allow the speaker to finish each point before asking questions.
Respond appropriately: Be candid, open, and honest in your response. Assert your opinions respectfully and treat the speaker in a way that you would want to be treated.
Conclusion
Active listening is more than a skill; it’s a mindful practice rooted in respect and compassionate curiosity. In the PazMesa philosophy, where creating a genuine connection and fostering healing are paramount, mastering active listening is essential. It transforms every conversation into an opportunity to deepen understanding, bridge divides, and build a community grounded in mutual respect and civility.
Let’s strive not just to be good listeners but also to be great ones because embracing the spirit of PazMesa in every interaction is how we help build a more empathetic, connected world.
Read more from Janie Terrazas
Janie Terrazas, The Mindfulness Coach
Janie Terrazas, known as The Mindfulness Coach, transformed her media career into a life coaching and wellness advocacy mission after a spiritual awakening in 2011. As the creator of the PazMesa Self Mastery Program and the force behind Rise Above TV, she fosters balance and mindfulness in others. Her triumphs and trials deeply shape her coaching as she helps clients address stress, trauma, and safe relationship building. Janie combines spiritual depth with actionable strategies to guide individuals toward a joyful, vital life. Her coaching transcends conventional methods, empowering clients to find peace and purpose within. Janie's empathetic and innovative approaches offer a safe self-discovery roadmap to authentic living and loving.
