Written by: Morice Mabry, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Leadership can be very difficult because of the many variables tied to it. Leadership is a vague term with an individualized experience that affects each of us differently. It can be broken down into so many components and each element of leadership needs specific focus. When it comes to having difficult conversations with members of your staff, that’s an element of leadership that requires motivation, patience, consistency, courage, and communication skills. Think about it, remember that time when you needed to have a conversation with an employee who was a great guy, worked very hard, but just wasn’t making the cut? You were the one who had to correct his productivity, and it felt difficult to do because he was such a nice guy. Or what about the situation where you knew if you offered constructive feedback to a big ego employee, he or she would become defensive and feel attacked? There are countless situations and dynamics that make these types of conversations difficult to execute. It’s what makes leadership the most difficult at times.
I’m not here to tell you what to do and how to approach having difficult conversations because there are so many resources out there for that. However, The Leadership Challenge is one of many highly recommended book resources. My goal is to create awareness around your motivation to have what is perceived to be difficult conversations. My thought is that the lower the motivation, the more difficult it becomes to have such conversations. Think about this, when you were hesitant or worried about having a difficult conversation with an employee, what was your motivation like? Was it low or high? When low, what shifted your motivation for you to act? What was your energy like? What was the story in your mind telling you as you approached the conversation? When you understand the 7 levels of motivation and attach your experiences to them, it changes your perception of having difficult conversations. So, let’s look at the 7 Levels of Motivation for having difficult conversations with your staff.
Level 1 – (No to low motivation) At level 1, the leader avoids difficult conversations because of fear, guilt, self-doubt, worry, anxiety, or embarrassment. These feelings don’t create much motivation and generate a perception that the conversation will be difficult to execute. There might be self-trust and self-esteem issues. Creating excuses to avoid the conversation is highly present. Anxiety may exist with feeling as though there is a constant weight on your shoulders to have this perceived difficult conversation. If the leader decides to have the conversation, they become the victim of why the conversation is so hard to have. One thought might sound like this: Why does this person continue to put me in this difficult place, knowing how hard I’m working for this team?
Level 2 – (Low Motivation) At level 2, the leader may resent having a difficult conversation because of anger, frustration, disappointment, and stress. The leader typically blames the other person for why the conversation is difficult to have. If the leader decides to have the conversation at this level, they must win the argument or discussion. Conflict exists and the objective might be to prove you’re right and they’re wrong. The motivation is to prove your point. Over time, this becomes draining and creates low motivation. Therefore, the conversation is difficult because of the conflicts that exist. One thought might sound like this: I’m right and they’re wrong, so they need to get with the program or else.
Level 3 – (Average Motivation) At level 3, the leader takes ownership in making sure that the perceived difficult conversation happens. Their objective is to create cooperation, rationalization, justification, and tolerance. Here, the leader starts to examine their attitude toward the perceived difficult situation and conversation. Their main objective might be to avoid negativity at all costs during the conversation because the focus is on cooperation and coping mechanisms to get them through the conversation. There is motivation to engage with staff because they can easily put differences aside to have such conversations. They choose how they react to the situation. They can see the good aspects of the situation, and that is motivating. One thought might sound like this: I’m not going to disagree because it’s not going to get us anywhere. My focus is to move us forward toward a positive outcome.
Level 4 – (Average to Medium Motivation) At level 4, the perception of difficult conversations is melting away because compassion and concern for the situation and staff exist. The leader is very supportive of fixing the issue because it’s important in how they show up to help their staff. They feel great with the opportunity to help staff overcome issues. The motivation may dip when they are unable to support in the way that they want to help. Fixing issues and initiating conversations are very important because the leader cares about service. The leader can be sympathetic while providing support to help staff overcome problems. One thought might sound like this: I’m here to support you. What can I do to help you resolve this?
Level 5 – (Medium Motivation) At level 5, the perception of difficult conversations doesn’t exist because opportunities to learn exist everywhere. The leader is motivated to address situations because there is no judgment of wrong or right or good or bad. What exists is a growth opportunity. There is a sense of inner peace and calmness as the leader approach situations. The leader considers all points of view so that everyone wins. One thought might sound like this: This employee is bringing the morale down of the team. This is my opportunity to seek understanding to influence positive behavior.
Level 6 – (Medium to High Motivation) At level 6, the leader feels connected to the situation and is fearless in the approach. Motivation can be high because of their intuitiveness to address situations with confidence, poise, and an ability to connect deeply. Judgment is not present, and leaders can lean on their wisdom to make decisions. They are in the moment and their presence is influential and positive. Their wisdom or intuitive abilities makes conversations flow effortlessly, which motivates staff to act. One thought might sound like this: You said you’re doing well with your tasks, but my gut tells me that there’s something you’re not mentioning. Please, tell me what’s going on so I can help support you.
Level 7 – (High Motivation) At level 7, non-judgment exists. The leader is fully present with high empathic listening skills. The leader is so consciously aware that she understands how to tap into the other levels of motivation at will. There is complete objective thinking and fearlessness toward any situation. This makes the leader highly motivated to resolve any issue with staff. The leader feels connected to staff which makes them easier to understand. They can see how the situation will play out before anyone else can because of their visionary abilities. One thought might sound like this: It’s understandable that you feel the way you feel. Anyone in your situation would probably share those same feelings. What can be done to resolve this?
Seeking to understand our motivation levels can help us reduce the draining energy that creates procrastination. Our energy influences motivation. When we generate a thought, there’s typically a perception of that thought. That perception can be influenced by an assumption, limited belief, or interpretation, which ultimately hinders energy. It’s all connected, and once you become more conscious of what’s influencing your energy, you’ll gain better control of your motivations. The 7 levels of motivation directly affect your engagement approach toward the perceived difficult conversations with staff. You can take an Energy Leadership Index Assessmentä to learn more about how your unique 7 levels of energy influence your motivation. Visit EnergyLeadership.com/assessment to gain greater insights into ELI assessments. Visit Morice at MabryEnterprisesllc.com
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Morice Mabry, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Morice Mabry is a Core Energy Leadership Coach working with executives, managers, supervisors, and career professions who feel stuck and out of balance because of internal barriers that limit their version of success in obtaining work/life effectiveness. His goal is to enhance awareness around core energy to assess motivation and productivity. Leveraging and assessing core energy levels is a key step in shifting culture, managing change, and improving leadership strategies to create better work/life effectiveness. He enjoys spending time with family, attending sporting events, fantasy football, traveling, and helping people create better versions of themselves.
