Written by: Ralph Varcoe, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
In every aspect of our lives, we are being influenced and are influencing others. Adverts, social media, the opinions of friends and colleagues, fake and real news. Have you ever noticed that some people seem to just have a knack for influencing, without even trying? The science of influence is a fascinating topic, and the top influencers around us all exhibit five core habits. What are they?¨
1. They make people feel liked
Contrary to popular belief, the key to influencing others is not to get them to like you. The notion that someone might do what you suggest because they like you is accepted as a primary driver. And it’s not necessarily wrong to think this. However, if someone feels you like them, they are far more likely to be influenced. Everyone, even the hardest of individuals, enjoys being liked. Feeling that someone likes you makes you feel good about yourself, and believe it or not, when you feel like that, you are more likely to be influenced by your newfound admirer.
This isn’t about faking it…people can generally spot when someone is blowing smoke up them or trying too hard. Those who are brilliant influencers genuinely make the people they interact with feel liked, and that’s why others tend to accept what they say or do.
It was Maya Angelou who said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
2. They’re motivated to help people
Trying to influence someone to do something that won’t benefit them is poor form and ultimately won’t succeed. With influence being the art of facilitating another person to come to their own conclusions, the act of trying to push someone into thinking or doing something that’s not in their best interests is closer to the darker side of the worst forms of manipulative persuasion. Those who are master influencers enable those around them to see how what they (the influencer) are saying and doing could fit them (the influenced), their lifestyle and ambitions. Top influencers will work out what others could do, use, learn etc and then talk about it in the context of how it would help the other person.
Because if someone who you feel likes you is suggesting something that would benefit you, why wouldn’t you feel inclined to take their lead?
3. They communicate to be understood
There’s a key principle of NLP that says, “The meaning of your communication is the response you get.” That may seem strange at first, but if you dig in a little deeper, you’ll realize it’s spot on. Top influencers ensure they communicate in a way that the recipient interprets as the influencer intended. The communicator seeks to understand the recipient’s map of the world, the filters through which they will interpret what’s being said, and then deliberately choose language, style and communication structure that suits the recipient. It is never good enough to make a statement and assume the other person should have understood what you meant. If they understood something different, then it is not their, but your, responsibility to clarify the meaning. Whatever they think it means is what it means to them.
Top influencers always communicate in a way that’s suited to those they communicate with so that the messages are received as intended.
4. They do unsolicited favors for people
Well-timed and appropriately sized favors can go a long way to creating an environment where people are more likely to be influenced. In the giving of a small gift, a kind word, public praise, or a small favor, the top influencer creates a basic human need in the recipient to return it. In terms of social science, this is termed as Reciprocity, one of the 6 core pillars of human social psychology. It is an innate human desire to return favors to those who have done us one. But don’t make the favor you give disproportionately large – that won’t work and may cause someone to be suspicious of you. If the favor or gift is too small, or random, it may also not have any impact.
Making sure the favor is proportionate and, better still, personalized will, nine times out of ten, makes someone want to return the favor and feel better disposed towards you, and therefore, more likely to be influenced.
5. They ask for small favors
Benjamin Franklin noted, "He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged." This came about because he needed to get one of his opponents on the side. Rather than try to ingratiate himself and persuade the opponent to believe something he didn’t (and frankly never would), he instead decided to ask his opponent if he may borrow one of his books. He obliged. Franklin later asked for a larger favor and this was also granted. What Franklin discovered was the notion that people seek to be consistent with their actions – his opponent felt a need to be consistent with his actions of granting the first favor by granting another, slightly larger one.
If you seek to influence, one of the most powerful things you can do is to ask for someone to do you a small favor. Before long, they will be happy to do you another, larger one….and this is especially good if it is something that is in their interests and not yours.
Adopt these 5 habits today
There are so many tips and techniques, all based on social science and much research, but if you want to be a successful influencer, start with these 5 and make them daily habits. You’ll find your IQ (Influence Quotient) skyrocket. And, the world will be a much more pleasant place…..imagine a world where everyone made others feel liked, where actions were done for the benefit of others, where people communicate meaningfully, where small acts of kindness are distributed and where people are comfortable to ask for help!
Ralph Varcoe, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Ralph Varcoe is a business leader, speaker, coach and mentor, working with sales and marketing teams, enabling them to master the power of influence to get to 'yes' more often and quicker. He is qualified in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and has written the best-selling book 'Accelerate Personal Performance' which encompasses the power of influence and persuasion for better self-management, management of teams and interactions with customers. His clients include individuals and teams from large global organizations to pre-seed start-ups and everything in between. His keynote talks inspire, inform and entertain audiences, taking them on a practical journey of discovery into the power of influence in their daily personal and working lives. He is also the host of the popular podcast 'Focus Action Results'.
