Written by: Natalie Ford, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
You're scrolling through the latest matches on your online dating app. "Nope. Nope. Ooh, maaaybeee... He's attractive. What does he do for a living? Oh, wait… Nope, he only has college-level education ‒ that's no good. What about this one... He's handsome, a good height, university-educated… ooh, he's a lawyer, nice! Uh oh... he plays golf and likes opera. <Groan>, Nope, that won't work for me. Shame, he could have been nice..."
Put your hand up if this has ever been you? (I'll wait..!) You're not alone. This was the exact experience I had searching for lasting love online. But, there is good news.
Once I realized my mistakes and finally figured out how to make online dating work for me, I found my forever man. And he was completely worth the wait! He is everything I've ever wanted, and I couldn't be happier now that I'm living the life and partnership I've always dreamed of.
The challenges of online dating
But before these revelations, I lost hours and hours searching for and messaging guys that weren't the one. Quite frankly, my experience felt dissatisfying, frustrating, and exhausting
"That's it, I give up! There are no good men out there!" is what I used to yell at my phone.
In every profile I looked at, I found some reason why the guy wasn't right for me. He was always either: too big, too small, the wrong age, the wrong hair type, had the wrong career, didn't share my interests, or had a relationship history that made me doubt our chances of things working out. You name it, I found every reason why the men out there weren't right for me.
But, occasionally… I'd find a good one. A profile of a man that made my heart race. "Oh my goodness, he's nice! And he has a good body! And he's into the same hobbies as me, and… and… and... Oh my! I've got to message him…He's perfect!"
My mind would scurry into a fantasy about how amazing it would be to be in a relationship with him. How he might hold me, kiss me, the things we'd do together, the joy I'd feel…
But, do you know what? I always ended up disappointed. Either he didn't reply, or if he did, it was just one-word messages that made trying to make a conversation feel like getting blood from a stone.
I'd start to question myself… "Is my profile not attractive? Did I say something to put him off? Did I miss a red flag that could have saved me from this experience?"
I'd tie myself in knots about a guy I hadn't even met yet! And you wouldn't believe the number of women who told me they were doing the exact same thing before they started working with me.
Thankfully, I quickly realised that men that were hard to make conversation with simply weren't that into me. Because the ones who are into you won't leave you guessing.
True love is completely possible
I honed my online dating skills and became a master at attracting the RIGHT type of men online. So much so that when I decided I'd had enough of wasting my time and was truly ready to call in my forever man, it took me less than 6 weeks.
And, I say call him in because he found me.
My magnetic dating profile stopped him in his tracks and prompted him to message me. I knew instantly that he was special, and within 4 weeks, I knew he was the one. We've been together ever since.
When you know how to attract your ideal man online, the dating process becomes a breeze. And, my darling, powerful woman, I want you to know that the love you desire is out there. And it is so worth pursuing.
The day my partner contacted me was the day I found my soulmate. And I want more women to experience this kind of love… To find your perfect match and to have the "happy ever after" you've always wished for.
So, I'm drawing back the curtain on the 4 biggest online dating mistakes I see working with women in my private coaching practice. These steps are part of the profoundly transformational process I teach my 1:1 clients so that they can find their dream man online. And this advice will help you too.
The 4 biggest mistakes keeping you from finding 'the one'
1. Focusing too much on looks
Yes, looks are important for that initial spark, but love that lasts is only sustainable if you are lit up by the person he chooses to be. As long as you find him pleasant in the looks department, you'll benefit much more by focussing on the following:
How he makes you feel
How he treats other people
Whether or not he keeps his word
His personality traits and the things he places value on are ultimately what will determine if he's your forever guy. So, if you're overly focussing on how he looks rather than who he is, you're completely missing the part of him with which you're actually forming the relationship.
2. Requiring him to have shared hobbies
People's specific hobbies and interests change over time. A better indicator of a soul-level connection is checking that your values align. Consider:
Who and what does he prioritise?
What motivates him?
What nourishes him?
How does he take care of himself?
Whilst these are deeper layers to discover about him, you can often get a feel for these things based on what he's put in his profile. So, focus on those.
3. Hunting for red flags
You absolutely want to maintain your high standards, but be mindful that they are based on your desires and not your fears. Discounting a guy because he's had a complicated past is not a standard ‒ it's the type of snap judgement that will significantly reduce your chances of finding Mr Right. When you narrow your search because of fear-based reasons, you'll be left asking, "Where have all the good men gone?" because your dating pool feels so small. Everyone has a past, and the experiences that have been most difficult in your life are the ones that help you grow. So, rather than seeing 'danger' when considering someone's past, ask them some pertinent questions to discover what they've learned from those experiences and how they've grown. Then decide if they're suitable for you based on those answers instead.
4. Emotionally investing too soon
Emotionally investing before a man has proven himself is the 1 reason why women tell me they find online dating "emotionally draining". It's easy to get caught up in the excitement of believing that you might have found your match. But, the truth is, you can only know if someone is right for you once you've met them in person and gotten to know their core values. It's imperative to avoid emotionally attaching until you've seen that his behaviour is consistent and how he handles stressful situations. Your heart is far too valuable to give away before a man has shown that he's utterly worthy of caring for it.
Now it's your turn to find love
You know the pitfalls to avoid. Are you excited to find love online?
I help strong, successful women find their forever relationship every day. I know what it's like to spend hours searching, swiping, liking and messaging only to get very little back. I recall those feelings of disappointment, heartache, and unmet longing.
I turned the odds around to attract the man of my dreams, and I'm here to show you how to do the same.
It's time for you to get off the hamster wheel of dating and finally call in lasting love.
Click here to access my free 4-part mini-training to help you stand out from the crowd by crafting an online dating 'about me' section that will attract your ideal man and compel him to message you.
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, YouTube and visit my website for more info!
Natalie Ford, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Natalie Ford is an online dating expert who works with strong, driven, successful women ready to get off the hamster wheel of dating and find lasting love with their forever man. She supports clients in gaining clarity on the man they seek, creating a magnetic dating profile that attracts high-quality men, knowing how to decipher precisely which men are worth your time on the apps, and seamlessly transitioning to an in-person, successful relationship. With 15+ years of personal development expertise, over 200 clients served, and features in publications such as TimeOut, Thrive and Brainz, Natalie now works 1:1 with women in their 30s and 40s to find forever love and is the host of The Enchanted Love Podcast.
