Written by: Marcus Matthews, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
At the beginning of July, I had the privilege of joining some of the most amazing coachings across many disciplines at The Mindvalley Supercoach event in Tallin Estonia. Whilst at the event I was inspired by a number of my fellow coaches and how a single phrase or word can make the difference in how we look at ourselves, the world, and how we play. Let’s start with the phrase That Sucked... Now What?
Without a doubt, life is going to throw you challenges, but one of the biggest challenges many people have is answering the question Now What? 99% of people avoid the pain of growth to fit into their environment and if that environment is to deploy avoidance strategies to fit in then eventually what we feel and what we believe makes us fragile. But we are born Antifragile This word was a game-changer for me because I recognized that I help people move from Fragile to Antifragile. Let me explain what that means and why most people believe the key to success is resilience and although being resilient is part of the process, it isn’t the end destination. You were born perfect, so what happened?
You are born perfect, with the expectation that all your needs, emotional, physical, and spiritual would be met.
However, we get programmed by others to believe we are less than what we are.
“We are not logical beings, which sometimes have emotions, we are emotional beings that sometimes think”, a term recognized by some of the greatest transformational leaders from Carnegie to Brene Brown.
Therefore we are unique, each of us is born with a gift or talent that will allow us to serve the world, but we all have one gift that is common, one many lose in their early years of life and one we must reclaim back...Antifragility.
The term is coined by Nassim Taleb in his book Antifragility: Things that Gain from Disorder and I 100% conform to the fact that growth comes when we embrace and learn from the disorder and darkness in our lives and this is what therapy and coaching need to focus on, not coping, managing, and avoiding, but understanding why we feel the way we do and more importantly how to use that for our own personal growth so we can impact the world in a more positive way, instead of expecting the world to give us the answers, because the truth is, everyone’s answers lie inside them not outside them.
Many though don’t get past the first stage, which is being fragile, and we define success as the second stage which is being resilient.
Let me be clear, being fragile is not weakness, it’s the acceptance you need to make a change in your life, but the question many are faced with is What Now?
Where are you in your life?
Fragile - Suffers or breaks at volitivity, finding more downsides in their life than upsides.
The fragile person seeks tranquillity and calm, avoiding conflict and stress but the conflict and stress seem to find them.
They often feel disempowered and lack motivation and purpose – certainly surviving not thriving.
Often the fragile person will show up as confident and gives more than they receive, but deep down they don’t feel good enough, or different and they don’t see a way out of the dark valley.
They are not weak, in fact, the opposite, they just don’t know how to get out of the environment they are in, they are just lost and scared to trust things can get better.
They hold the sword of Damocles resigned to their fate, that something terrible is going to happen, they want an enviable life, a life of wealth, a life of abundance, a life of freedom, but in fact they have a life fraught with anxiety and lack. They fear stepping into the unknown so they do nothing and just wish, pray and hope that things will change.
Resilient - This is what we are told we need to be, but in fact, this is the fake it ‘till you make it phase, denial of being fragile.
The resilient person seems like they have it all, but in fact, they are broken, they have gone from fragile to feeling the cracks in their life and are trying to hold everything together, often trying to stay in control and wearing the amour of confidence, they seek status believing this will bring all the riches they desire. Google defines resilience as “a person or animal able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions”. I think we can agree on that but how we do that is the key. It is the resilient ones in our environment that often disempower the fragile, they cling to status rather than purpose. They feed off the work of others surrounding themselves with others like them to keep themselves safe. I see these people as having all the answers for others, but they have never done the deep work, they have the knowledge, but there is a disconnection between knowing how to be resilient and feeling what resilience is. They build strategies around the concept of resilience, but use this phrase to entrap and enslave others, so they too cannot step into vulnerability due to fear of rejection.
They have made a commitment, hoping they will not be seen as weak.
They seek the light without understanding the darkness they are in.
To survive they become indifferent to their situation.
They trade their true self to fit in with others, who in fact are playing the same game. If you want to know who is resilient and who is antifragile ask them this question “When did you have your God moment and when did you connect with the universe”?
Breaking Down Instead of Breaking Through Who do you know who final broke or even took their life and then everyone said
“We never knew” It is only when we are outed, when we are forced to face our demons that the inevitable happens, we take a label or a role that we don’t want, but we accept it to gain connection or to validate our feelings toward others.
The good news is the resilient ones are often the broken warriors who just need to know why they feel the way they do, just like the fragile ones.
They are so tired that they just need to trust someone can help them and they will go all in.
They have been laid bare and their secret is out and often their fellow supporters will abandon them, so they feel more lost and isolated than they did before. But they keep pretending.
Unfortunately like the phoenix, unless they get the right help they will go through birth, life and death many times and never grasp the opportunity to really transcend into the life they were meant to live.
They stay in the belief that status is the meaning of life and continue to run a race that can never be won, they now just use their pain as their new sword, never being able to move from the war raging inside.
Is this what you really want?
The Antifragile - They embrace the volitivity of life, they see the darkness as an opportunity to grow and learn, they are the 1% willing to put faith over fear, the ones people hail as gurus, but the simple fact is their path has been more than what can be seen above the surface.
The Antifragile have often experienced things beyond the normal, they have seen and experienced the truth about themselves.
They accept both the light and dark in their lives and use both to fuel growth.
Time to grow and become Antifragile
Like a seed is planted in the dark, it goes through uncertainty as it pushes through the darkness before approaching the light.
The seedling accepts it will get battered by the wind and rain, but uses the elements and environment to strengthen its roots, accepting the rain as essential to growing and understanding that life comes in seasons and we need to get the best out of all the opportunities that come to us.
The Antifragile understands that life is about freedom of mind, inner peace, and service to others, without compromising ourselves.
The Antifragile seeks true abundance, knowing the universe has its back even in the hardest times. The Antifragile accept that they need to take responsibility for their own journey and seek mentors and coaches to help them at each stage, The Antifragile seek knowledge, wisdom, and growth and this is why, as the seasons of life continue to shed off the leaves of doubt, they reinvest that doubt in nurturing the soil around them, creating a diverse ecosystem that supports not only their own growth but creates an environment to empower others to plant their own roots to bring more abundance to the planet, instead of strangling the life out of others for self-gain and reward. Let me leave you with these questions: Where are you in your life now?
What life do you want to lead?
Who will help you get back to your natural state of being Antifragile?
How can you find the truth about the way you feel?
Why are you here at all?
We are not separate from our environment we exist within it, you are both the solution and the problem, the light and the dark.
You will manifest, the question is are you willing to accept the life you have or would you prefer to become Antifragile and reclaim your natural state?
If you got value from this article then why not get in touch or share it with a friend I can guarantee that becoming antifragile is easier than you think when you put faith over fear and reclaim the person you are, rather than being the person others want you to be.
Marcus Matthews, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Marcus Matthews, is a Transformation Coach who's mission is to disrupt our relationship with words like Anxiety, PTSD, Suicide and show the world that all these experiences are gifts we have misunderstood.
He helps professionals and executive turn suck into success through his innovative approach by using therapy and coaching to create long lasting transformation for his clients
Marcus truly believes the universe has our backs and his approach shows people possibility once more.
A former police officer and soldier Marcus has worked with some of the worlds greatest transformational leaders and as well as running his own company works alongside Marisa Peer as one of her Rapid Transformational Therapy Trainers and holds the honour of being a Certified Life Coach with Mindvalley.
Marcus has developed his craft through many great transformational leaders like Lisa Nichols, Regan Hillyer, Ajit Nawalkha and Vishen Lakhiani and like them wants to help change the world to be a better place one step at a time.
As an author, speaker, podcaster, therapist, coach and trainer, Marcus' diverse background from Soldier, Police Officer to Transformational Leader allows him to connect with real people to help them set themselves free.
Marcus believes everyone should live a fulfilled and happy life and when you remove the destructive feelings from the toxic stories you tell yourself everyday, you can step into your own version of possibility. easily and effortlessly so you can make your life count.
