Written by: Denisse Espalter, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Let’s take the taboo out of talking about what life after divorce is and not let it define who you are. As you are overcoming what seems to be the worst period in your life, you need to realize that you are moving towards a better chapter, and it is perfectly ok to accept this. Different circumstances make the process more complicated if there are children involved if infidelity was a part of physical or emotional abuse.
Regardless of the circumstances, if it’s a marriage between consenting adults, every divorce has one common heartache; the loss of what you saw your future was. The process of resetting your life can be a painful one as well as a scary outlook. The good news is you can overcome this stage and move ahead, pushing through fear. It takes time, dedication, and a good amount of self-love, but divorce doesn’t have to define your life. You can (and you should) reclaim it for yourself.
As someone who walked away from a 10-year marriage that was unhealthy yet gave me 2 beautiful daughters, I knew that I deserved a happier life and wanted to get back to the person I loved. Did I face fear? Yes! Did I have guilt? Yes! Did I question myself as a mother? Yes! But I knew that I had so much more ahead of me and that I could show my daughters a better version of myself, who I was, and how to be a strong woman! How did I learn to get to a place where I was finally happy, comfortable in my skin, and not let it define who I was? Let me dive deeper with you on what I did to get me there!
Let Your Emotions Have an Outlet
Acknowledge your emotions and not suppress them as we as humans need to express those emotions and let them be ok. If we ignore any pain, it will consume us. What acknowledging your pain means is to allow yourself time to stop, assess your emotions and let yourself feel it. Remind yourself that you have good reason to feel your emotions. You’re not weak or unreasonably dramatic. Your life is changing in a major way, and even though the end of a marriage might mean the end of a bad relationship, it’s also the end of a vision you had for your life, one in which you invested many years. You are NOT weak! Prepare to let go of what your past was and start learning to move on. Discover what outlet you will take to release how you are feeling and emotions. If that means trying something new, mediation, journaling, etc., let it be something that also brings you joy.
There Is No Shame to Be Had
One thing you need to realize is that there is nothing to be ashamed of. Your sense of shame also arises from fear of what people might think about your situation. Learn to IGNORE any judgment. You are the only person who knows what lies behind you, what you endured behind closed doors, and what is bringing you on your next journey. So guess what? Let them knock themselves out! Only allow the people that support you, encourage your happiness, and the well-being of your new chapter to surround you and be the tribe you have that inspires you.
You Are More Than Enough
Please repeat that to yourself! Your marital status does not define who you are! You get to define who you are and establish your worth as a person through your character and actions, not by how others perceive you. You do not need anyone’s validation. Adjusting to your new life can be difficult at first, but you can take the opportunity to reshape your life completely. It’s a matter of attitude more than time. It’s a matter of looking at your talents and advantages and identifying what you can best use them for because you are more than enough to start your new chapter.
You Are Stronger Than You Think
Learn to recognize your power. Ultimately, finding yourself comes down to feeling fulfilled because you found the courage and the power within yourself to create the person you always knew you could be and not feel like you were held back on being true to yourself. Think about what you want and who you want to be, and recognize your power to make this happen. You are in control of your life and your fate. Sometimes, this means getting out of your comfort zone and trying new things.
Life doesn’t stop just because you are divorced. Your new life begins—and it’s full of possibilities and excitement. Remember, you have the power, and recognizing this brings you a step closer to finding yourself and finding fulfillment. In fact, it’s one of the positive effects of going through something as huge and life-changing as a divorce. Your canvas is blank, and it is your chance to connect with your inner self, recognize your power, and make changes to your life that will give you true happiness and confidence. Maybe finding who you are after a divorce isn’t so much about wiping off an old version of yourself or even inventing a new persona so much as having the courage to redefine your reality.
“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.” – Roy T. Bennett
Denisse Espalter, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Denisse Espalter is recognized as a top Life & Style Coach and a sought-after Communications Expert. After multiple life-changing experiences, learning how to pivot her mindset and not let fear hold her back, she created Unboxed Life and Style, a lifestyle brand. She developed a company that not only has amazing self-care & entrepreneur boxes, she also coaches, educates, and inspires women on how to take their life experiences and learn how to evolve with them as their life and style change. She offers courses on how to clean out the layers in your closet to become the better version of yourself and shifting your mindset. Encourages women with Love the Skin You're In program. She teaches how to develop a self-care routine and prioritize yourself and a Leveling Up Entrepreneur course to gain clarity, confidence and build strategies to grow your mindset.
Her Book Everyday Woman's Guide to Doing What You Love will be released in June 2021.
Her mission: Is to be a resource and teach women to stop doubting themselves. "The more clear you are on what you have - the more confident you will be!"
