Written by: Carmen Vasile-Nichita, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
If you are reading this, please recognize that you are not taking up anyone else’s space in this world and that you deserve to be here as much as anyone else. So you owe it to yourself to take a deep breath, give yourself a break and a pat on the back and start practicing self-exploration.
When you need to start somewhere is always good to start with yourself, so ask yourself: What do I need? Why choose one, choose all, or at least as many as you need. If it helps, make a list. Maybe the list sounds like this: I need Truth, Freedom, Peace, Hope, Love, Wisdom, Art, Optimism, Security, Community, Joy, Focus, Patience, Courage. More? No problem, add more.
As children, we did not get to chose which of our needs would be cared for or how our emotional baggage would look like as we were growing up, but as adults, we can decide which kind of emotions and behaviors we want to pass on to our kids. But to do this, we might as well unpack first and become familiar with our own baggage, our inner child, and the needs that were never cared for or that we didn't even know we had. Because how else could we ever hope to pass on to our children a sense of security, of community, of optimism if that is not what was given to us when we were babies and children. The good news is we can put back in our suitcase only what we find useful. We can really reshape our mindset, and we can grow our beliefs limitlessly.
These may sound familiar to you:
I do not belong here.
I cannot believe I lost again.
I will never be good at that.
What will my friends or family say if I make this choice for myself?
These all are beliefs we are holding on to from our childhood experiences; old patterns showed to us over and over again. A good idea would be that next time you catch yourself thinking like this, to make a list that would counteract the limiting beliefs like this:
I do not belong here - I am exactly where I need to be at this moment.
I cannot believe I lost again - I gained valuable experience from this.
I will never be good at that - I have a long way to go, but I will get there if I keep working.
What will my friends or family say if I make this choice? - True friends and family will support me no matter what choice I make.
Of course, shifting mindsets does not happen overnight, but we need to start somewhere if we want to help our children grow with a positive mindset. And we cannot expect our children to develop growth mindsets if we, as parents, don't encourage that first in ourselves.
Here is one of my personal stories: My own flesh and blood, my 7-year-old is a warmhearted, generous, and spirited young girl. One morning on the way to school, she came up with the idea that today she will be a cheetah for the rest of the day. I immediately asked myself how she would go through the day at school, where the rules are clear, without upsetting her teacher. Instead, I said out loud to her, "being a cheetah sounds like a lot of fun and a lot of running and climbing - but running and climbing is not all you do in school. How about we invite a couple of your friends to play cheetah with you in the afternoon after school? This way, you can run and climb freely outside and be present and practice your schoolwork in the classroom." She did not wait for me to say it twice. She jumped up and down with joy, happy for the opportunity to have fun with her friends after school, and not at all worried that she will upset the teacher with her cheetah purrs and meows. I celebrated my little achievement as a parent, and I was happy to see the growth in my daughter too.
A growth mindset is not a sudden revelation that can miraculously happen to us but a conscious choice, a lifelong journey. The question is: which step will you take today? You don’t have to take the whole staircase at once but take the first step. Take one, then take them all, and remember: it all starts within yourself.
Carmen Vasile-Nichita, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
With a degree in Arts, a Major in English Language and Literature and 20 years professional experience in the Education and Technology industries, Carmen is the founder of her own coaching startup, CVN Coaching, an English Teacher by trade, a Communication Specialist, an expat solo parent and a committed life long learner who loves to empower people through thoughtful, differentiated coaching.
As a Mindset and Transformational Coach for Kids and Families, Carmen is leveraging the unique principles of Growth Mindset that she has been fostering herself from the inside out, to build a Growth Mindset culture within the environments and people that she is working with. She is also a social media marketing enthusiast and started educating herself in this area when she started creating her own business.
Oh, did we mention that Carmen is Romanian-Greek-Hungarian? Why does that matter? Well, it matters because she wholeheartedly embraces diversity and she considers herself lucky to be living in times of globalisation and acceptance.
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