Written by: Donna Oberg, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I’m sure you’ve heard this phrase or a version of it. It’s one of the most recognized, adapted, and well-intentioned quotes. But it’s just not good advice. At least half of it is not good advice. When I realized the negative impact on my own mindset, I banned it from ever passing my lips again, not to myself and never to my clients.
I don’t have an aversion to everything in the phrase. In fact, I believe wholeheartedly in hope and hoping for the best. I believe in the power of hope so much that I wrote an entire chapter about gratitude and hope in my book The Art of Falling: Lessons from a lifetime of trips, slips, and faceplants!
The Poet Maya Angelou’s version of the above quote is "Hoping for the best, prepared for the worst, and unsurprised by anything in between.", but the quote of hers that resonates with me more is
“Hope and fear cannot occupy the same place. Invite one to stay.” – Maya Angelou.
To have hope does not mean things aren’t hard right now
Having hope isn’t always easy. Today, we are bombarded with news and images of wars, violent crime, illness, natural disasters, and economic hardships. Some might say it’s naïve or impossible to find hope under these circumstances.
Hope does not mean everything is okay right now, but it makes things less difficult to face because, with hope, there is optimism and belief that things will be better.
Need more reasons why hope matters?
5 Reasons why hope matters
“When the world says “Give Up,” Hope whispers, “Try it one more time.”— Anonymous
Hope gives you the reason and energy to lean into and tackle any challenge. Even knowing you won’t succeed every time, you will learn from every experience.
Hope helps to lower stress and anxiety.
Hope paired with gratitude is a superpower anyone can access.
Hope benefits physical health, including longevity, higher immunity, and a decrease in chronic illnesses. Why is hope so important?
Hope is part of the foundation of a thriving mindset.
A thriving mindset “acknowledges” the “worst” but “prepares” for the “best”
Dr. Wayne Hammond of Flourishing Life describes a thriving mindset on their Organization’s Flourishing Life Questionnaire as:
“A person who sees themself as a work in progress and is oriented to grow. They present with a personal sense of empowerment and believe that they can continually enhance their intelligence, abilities, and competence through effort and practice.”
Indeed, the mind is a powerful tool. You might not be surprised by the research that the natural tendency of an untrained mind, entrenched in survival mode, is to focus more on negative experiences and emotions than on positive ones. This is referred to as the Negativity Bias.
I have not been immune to that bias. After a car accident in 2016, I found myself in a wheelchair without assurance that I would ever walk again. I was devastated by the idea that this would be my new reality, my future. I could’ve easily drifted into depression and negativity, given our natural tendencies. Luckily, I had a whisper of hope. My mother, who was staying with me at the time, allowed me some time to process the words of the doctor who gave me the news that walking again was not guaranteed, but when she realized that I was feeling hopeless and preparing for the worst-case scenario, she went into action. She gave me hope by not taking no for an answer to her request that I begin using a walker to try taking just one or two steps. Reluctantly, I gave in, knowing I wasn’t going to win that battle. And it was a good thing I did because that day, I didn’t just take two steps; I took five steps. The next day, a few more. Each day, I went further until I walked again with my cane as I did before the accident.
I did not have time to prepare for a future where I would no longer walk and would likely need a new, accessible living situation. I was too busy focusing my energy on each step forward, finding a way back up when I fell, and growing the confidence that I could regain my mobility and independence. I didn’t realize it then but was building a thriving mindset.
Top Athletes must also have a thriving mindset to compete at the highest levels and win. They often use the power of the mind by visualizing and engaging all their senses to run through a winning performance.
One of the world’s best golfers, Jack Nicklaus, has spoken about the power of his mindset and visualization, saying that he “never hit a shot, not even in practice, without having a very sharp in-focus picture of it in my head."
These athletes are not planning or visualizing their next steps if they lose the competition or miss the shot. They spend their energy and time preparing to succeed, to win. They understand that what they focus their beliefs and thoughts on impacts not only their actions but also the event's outcome.
It bears repeating that having a hopeful and thriving mindset does not mean you blindly ignore the reality that difficult and sometimes devastating things happen to us all. Because they do and will happen. But despite that reality, you plant the seeds of hope, resilience, grit, and strength to rise from any challenge and any fall.
Tools to strengthen your mindset
In his Brainz article about Empowering Mindsets, Mindset Coach and Trainer Anton Broers details three empowering mindsets and the relevant tools to achieve those mindsets such as:
Take time to breathe and relax your mind and body.
Take time to reflect on how your thoughts impact your emotions.
Step back to gain perspective and learn from each situation.
I’ve also found three additional tools have gifted me with a stronger, thriving mindset:
Gratitude – journaling thoughts of gratitude every morning helps me start each day with a positive, hopeful attitude. Then, if I do encounter a difficult situation or get bombarded with negative news, I find it easier to regulate my emotions and more quickly shift perspective, as is discussed in Anton’s article.
Laughter – Laughter isn’t only the best medicine, but when we can laugh at the difficult times as well as the good, our bodies and minds benefit from triggering the feel-good hormones called endorphins.
Watching my words – This does not need any more explanation than the eloquent words spoken by Mahatma Gandhi:
Your beliefs become your thoughts; Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, and Your values become your destiny.
Mahatma Gandhi
By harnessing the powers of these tools, we can have the clarity of mind, the physical strength, the positive emotions, and the sense of purpose that it takes to pivot or find our balance when life throws us a curveball.
Are you ready to thrive and become the person you were meant to be?
If you are ready to plant the seeds for a thriving mindset and purposeful life, follow me on Facebook and LinkedIn or contact me and book a free discovery call on my Website.
Donna Oberg, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Donna Oberg, Author, Certified Flourishing Coach, Nutrition Coach, Wisdom Coach and Disability Advocate, was born with Cerebral Palsy. Living an adventurous and fiercely independent life with her disability has taught her many powerful lessons, including the power of being grateful for her disability. Donna’s mission is to inspire others now to become the person they were meant to be in the life they were meant to live.
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