Written by Elizabeth Congdon, Team and Leadership Coach
Elizabeth Congdon, is a Team & Leadership Coach rooted in Creative Consciousness' Coaching. She guides individuals, teams, and organizations to clarify and align their purpose, values, and goals. Her work cultivates cultures that ignite growth, unlocking full potential in high-performing individuals and teams who consistently achieve impactful results.
What if you could stop being at war with yourself? Imagine no longer blaming yourself, others, or your circumstances. Picture letting go of guilt, frustration, and irritation, as well as those relentless "voices between your ears" whispering, "What if? If only. Why me? I am not good enough. What's wrong with me?"
Every day, emotions like blame, shame, guilt, anger, and regret creep in, affecting our peace and how we connect with others. The good news? While you can't stop the constant stream of thoughts, you can change how you respond. And when you understand this, you'll discover a powerful truth about being human: you are not your thoughts.
Understanding the nature of thoughts
Our brains often run on autopilot, and much of this activity isn't in service of us. Research shows that the human brain generates between 10,000 and 70,000 thoughts daily. As Shirzad Chamine explains in Positive Intelligence, the brain is constantly generating thoughts, many of which are automatic and negative. This mental chatter often works against our well-being, influencing our decisions and emotions in ways outside our conscious control.
While it’s impossible to stop this constant stream of thoughts, the good news is that you can change how you respond to them. By understanding how thoughts work and the automatic nature of many, you'll gain a powerful insight into the human experience. The key is realizing that, well, you're only human.
Recognizing that your thoughts are automatic and separate from your sense of self is liberating. This foundational understanding sets the stage for managing your mind more effectively, starting with understanding the interplay between your conscious and subconscious brain.
The conscious mind
Your conscious mind is the part of your brain that's actively aware—it's where you make decisions, solve problems, and engage in deliberate thinking. It's like a spotlight, focusing on what's in front of you at any given moment. For example, if you're reading these words, your conscious mind is focused on what you're reading. But if a sound distracts you, like a cell phone ringing, your attention shifts to that sound instead. Or if you're caught up in worry or boredom, your attention drifts away from this moment and onto those feelings. The conscious mind is powerful, but it has limited capacity.
The subconscious mind
The subconscious mind acts like a giant recorder, storing everything from basic life functions like breathing to learned behaviors and habits. It also manages your fight-or-flight responses, which are automatic reactions to perceived threats, for example, if you feel stressed or threatened, your subconscious kicks in to prepare your body to react—whether by heightening your alertness, increasing your heart rate, or triggering a quick escape instinct. These functions occur without conscious awareness.
This is why you don't have to think about making your heart beat, or your lungs fill with air. These happen automatically, allowing you to focus on other tasks without consciously managing these essential functions.
You are not the thinker
Here’s a simple demonstration of how the subconscious operates.
Walk around and say out loud, "Start," and then begin walking. Now, say "Stop" and pause. Did you have to consciously think about how to move your muscles? No. The subconscious mind automatically knows how to walk.
Were you able to stop when you said "Stop"? Is it fair to say you were in control of your walk? Can we agree you are the walker of your walk—you can control it?
Now, let’s explore thoughts and the subconscious mind.
Think of pink flying elephants. Now, stop thinking about pink flying elephants. Could you stop? Most likely, your mind is now swarming with images of pink flying elephants, or maybe you're thinking about focusing on the computer screen or the tree in front of you in an attempt not to think about pink flying elephants, yet that's also a thought!
Now, try to stop thinking entirely. What happened? More thoughts probably popped into your head despite your best efforts to suppress them.
These examples show a key truth about the mind: thoughts are an endless, flowing stream, a product of our brain's activity. While you can't stop thoughts from coming, you can choose how to engage with them.
As you can see, you are not the thinker of your thoughts, the same way you are the walker of your walk. The thoughts that pop up—the voices in your head, sometimes like a hamster on a wheel—are simply part of being human. Sometimes, we get caught in a cycle of thinking and feeling for a very long time. Because we identify with the content of our thoughts, we lose awareness of what's actually happening, and we get caught in a game of negative feelings and thoughts, and that is when life feels like a struggle.
Understanding your brain
Your brain operates on two levels: automatic and intentional. The limbic system, often called the "emotional brain," reacts quickly to ensure survival. At its core is the amygdala, your brain's alarm system. It detects threats and triggers emotions like fear, anger, or anxiety. These responses happen automatically, often bypassing conscious thought. While the limbic system, particularly the amygdala, plays a key role in emotional reactions, Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, in How Emotions Are Made explains that emotions are not hardwired but constructed by the brain based on context and experience. Barrett’s work emphasizes that emotions are predictions created by the brain, integrating various types of information to generate a coherent response.
The prefrontal cortex, also known as the "executive brain," is responsible for reflection and thoughtful responses. This part of your brain helps you pause, evaluate situations, and choose actions aligned with your values.
Understanding how these two systems work is key to managing the cycle of thoughts, emotions, and actions. When you're stuck in negative emotions, your brain goes into "funnel mode," where the limbic system takes over. In this state, you lose access to the prefrontal cortex's clarity, creativity, and vision.
While our emotional responses can feel automatic, there are practical strategies we can adopt to regain control over them. Let's explore practical ways to shift from automatic reactions to intentional choices.
Breaking the cycle: From trigger to response
Recognizing the spiral
Our thoughts shape our emotions, which drive our actions and ultimately determine our outcomes. Without awareness, this cycle can spiral into automatic, reactive behavior.
Here is an example of automatic thinking behavior. Have you ever driven to work only to realize you don't remember the journey? Your mind was caught in a loop of thoughts, disconnected from the present. Or have you ever reached for your cup of coffee or tea, only to realize it's empty, and you can't even remember the taste or smell?
Another example is a colleague dismissing your idea in a meeting. Your automatic thought, “They don’t respect me,” followed by an automatic emotion of frustration or self-doubt. You overact and shut down or go all out to prove your point. The most likely result will be a damaged relationship or withdrawal of collaboration.
The amygdala often drives this cycle, which reacts to perceived threats to keep you safe. However, these emotions are like an alarm; they signal that something needs your attention. Staying in them feeling bad, ashamed, guilty, frustrated, or irritated serves no purpose. It's like gripping a sharp piece of glass. The sharp edge signals you to loosen your hold or let go; you don't need to linger in the pain. Holding on only increases the pain and risks deeper mental and emotional injury.
Creating space between thoughts
When you grab something sharp, like a shard of glass, your instinct is to release it to prevent further harm. You don't keep holding on and worsening the injury. Similarly, when painful thoughts or emotions arise, they act as a signal to pause and release, creating space to respond with clarity instead of clinging to the negative emotion.
Creating this space activates the prefrontal cortex, giving you clarity and putting you back in control. It's like stepping into the driver's seat of your life instead of running on autopilot.
Conscious choice
Let's delve into the power of conscious choice. "If you change the way you look at things, things change." By shifting your perspective, you can take control of how you interpret and react to life's challenges.
Every event in life comes with two components: what happens and how you interpret it. As Viktor Frankl writes in Man’s Search for Meaning, 'Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space, we have the power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.' This underscores the transformative power of reframing our interpretations of life events. While you can't always control what happens, you can control how you respond. This is the essence of conscious choice: the ability to decide your actions and how you want to experience an event.
Imagine life as a painter's canvas. The events are the brushstrokes you're given, but you decide the colors you use to bring the picture to life. You can choose to paint with frustration, resentment, or guilt—or with curiosity, acceptance, and calm.
Every experience is shaped by the meaning you assign to it. Consider this example:
Event: Someone doesn’t reply to your message.
Option A: You think, “They’re ignoring me,” and feel hurt or frustrated.
Option B: You think, “They’re probably busy,” and feel calm or understanding.
The same event, two different interpretations, and two entirely different emotional outcomes. This is the power of conscious choice—it's not about what happens but how you choose to view and respond to it.
By making intentional choices, you reclaim control over your emotions and actions. Instead of letting life happen to you, you decide how you experience it.
Interrupting the stream of thoughts
Now that we've learned how thoughts operate beyond our control, let's explore how to interrupt the cycle of automatic reactions and take conscious control of our responses.
Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program highlights the power of mindfulness practices to interrupt automatic thought patterns, helping individuals return to a state of awareness and intentionality. This practice helps you shift from the subconscious autopilot into the conscious mind, creating a moment to regain control.
Sensory reset
Find a mental or physical touchpoint in your life to interrupt the flow of thoughts. For example, if you enjoy coffee, intentionally engage your senses: smell the coffee, see its color, feel the warmth of the cup in your hands, and take a slow sip while focusing on the sensation of drinking.
Alternatively, during the first few seconds of a meal, focus on the texture of the food in your mouth. Swirl it around, feel the act of chewing, and notice the sensations before you swallow.
Ground yourself
Break free from your daily autopilot routine by introducing a grounding ritual. Imagine that the door to a meeting room, the entrance to your house, or even your computer keyboard is an invisible shield. As you approach, visualize yourself breaking through the shield. Take a deeper breath than usual, and as you do, ask yourself:
Where am I?
Who am I right now?
What is needed now?
This simple practice disrupts your automatic patterns and reconnects you to the present moment, helping you to regain focus and intentionality.
Both of these practices are about intentionally interrupting the stream of thoughts. They help you step out of autopilot and into the conscious mind, where you can pause, observe your state, and regain control. The more often you practice, the easier it becomes to notice when you're lost in thought and bring yourself back to the present.
Practical exercises for conscious choice and mental well-being
Integrating intentional practices into your daily life can further strengthen your ability to step out of autopilot. The following exercises will help you develop greater awareness and make conscious choices in the moments that matter.
Awareness and reflection
You can't work on what you can't see. Awareness is the foundation for meaningful transformation. As your awareness grows, so does your ability to recognize patterns and make conscious choices.
Take a moment to reflect on your life. Identify parts where you experience anxiety, stress, dread, boredom, mediocrity, casualness, emptiness, monotony, lack of aliveness, lack of passion, lack of success, lack of money, lack of recognition, etc. Reflect on these areas and observe any recurring patterns:
What thoughts consistently arise in these moments?
Are these thoughts helpful or unhelpful?
How do they make you feel?
How do you usually react?
With this awareness, you can begin to shift from autopilot reactions to intentional responses. Instead of defaulting to old patterns, consider:
How do I choose to respond moving forward?
Awareness is not about judgment; it's about observation. It's the bridge between automatic reactions and conscious choices, enabling you to take charge of your thoughts and actions, creating a path toward transformation.
Feel the trigger without fixating
You can choose to stay with negative emotions consciously, but instead of focusing on the thoughts, shift your attention to the physical sensations in your body. Notice how the emotion manifests physically. This practice helps engage your prefrontal cortex, bringing clarity and calm.
For example, if you feel anxious, observe the tightness in your chest or the quickness of your breath. By staying with these sensations rather than the story behind the emotion, you create space for peace and understanding.
Reframe and respond
Catch a negative thought or reaction in the moment. For example, if you have the thought, "Nobody supports me," try reframing it to: "I have the power to achieve this on my own." Your chosen response could be: "I choose to respond with calm and focus instead of stress."
Accept and let go
Place one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach. Notice how your chest or stomach rises and falls. Take a deep breath, and as you breathe out, relax and drop your shoulders.
Say aloud or silently, "I accept for now and choose to let it go." Visualize the process of letting go if it helps. Repeat as needed.
Contract with yourself
Make a clear commitment to a decision or change. Use strong, decisive language like “I will,” “I commit,” “I promise,” or “I am,” rather than uncertain phrases like “maybe” or “I think.” This is a promise you make to yourself, for yourself.
For example, you might commit to something simple like:
“I will focus on my breath today.”
“I promise to ground myself whenever I feel overwhelmed.”
The key is to create a firm commitment that helps guide your actions and reinforce your conscious choices.
Becoming the observer
Rather than being consumed by your thoughts, step into the role of an observer, calmly noticing them without attachment. You regain control over your actions by creating space between your thoughts, feeling emotional triggers without judgment, and reframing your perspective. This shift from automatic, subconscious responses to intentional, conscious living allows you to break free from autopilot and embrace a more purposeful and empowered way of living.
Reclaiming command of your thoughts and emotions is transformative—but it's not a journey to take alone. Through personalized coaching and tools like Life Plan Review (LPR), a proven method for self-awareness and intentional growth, I can help you break free from mental autopilot and design a life of clarity and purpose. Contact me today to begin your path to freedom, improved relationships, enhanced performance, and well-being.
Ready to transform your organization with purpose and clarity? Reach out now to start your journey with Elizabeth Congdon | LinkedIn | Website
Elizabeth Congdon, Team and Leadership Coach
Elizabeth Congdon is a team and leadership coach who brings a unique blend of experiences to her practice. She empowers people to embrace innovative thinking and adaptability. With a foundation in creative consciousness coaching and a background in leading business transformation, digital transformation, and agile ways of working projects for global companies, she excels at guiding individuals, teams, and organizations toward clarity and alignment in their purpose, values, and goals. Elizabeth fosters inclusive cultures that promote courage, confidence, and creative thinking. Her holistic coaching approach ignites team engagement and collaboration, resulting in high-performing teams and individuals.
