Written by: Nanette Murphy, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I was always cautious, didn't take a chance, didn't know how to laugh at myself, and didn't want to make mistakes. Therefore, my life was predictable and safe. Then, eleven years ago, I found myself living in fear of the future. Life as I knew it was "shattering."
Fear can hold us back and stop us from living our best life. Yet, if my life hadn't done a complete 180, I would not have become the woman I always knew I could be, the woman I am today. But it didn't happen overnight. My heart had been broken, shattered, and left for dead. A quote from my book, Shattered Dreams and New Beginnings.
"My heart had gotten crushed, but it was still there. I thought it had been torn apart and blown away in the tornado that had hit, but somehow a small piece remained, growing again. Why? Because I was nurturing it and taking care of it."
Part of my healing came from stepping OUT of my comfort zone. I knew I had to. Was I fearful? I was. But now I look back and can now admit how proud I am; of myself!! It took courage and a lot of strength; the world opened once the box was gone! My life was full of adventure, good times, new friends, and beautiful experiences.
I am not a runner, yet I ran a half marathon a few years back. In addition, I wrote and published a book! That was an incredible experience and quite an accomplishment for me. My list goes on, but it doesn't matter what I did or plan to do because stepping out of YOUR box will look different for you.
Stop saying no and take a leap of faith.
We can often get into a routine of staying safe, not doing things for ourselves first and living our life not following our heart, being afraid of making mistakes or not getting things right the first time, so intended of trying and failing, we don't try.
You will have to be brave to shred the box you're in. It may be a life-altering event that pushes you to become adventurous or to decide that you must see what else the Universe has to offer you. Fear can hold you back; you must fight through that fear.
You won't be disappointed.
After a nearly twenty-five-year marriage, it took divorcing to push me to find who I was and could be. The people I have met, the opportunities presented to me, the trips I have taken, and the chances I have let myself take have given me the best part: the confidence I have gained. It is pretty amazing to me. I make my own decisions, and I live my life how I feel is right for me.
To quote a fellow author who wrote, "I said yes to myself," She speaks about never taking chances and living due to low self-esteem and confidence.
She says:
"it's an inside job" ‒ D. Brown
I love this, and it is true. It would help if you started working on yourself from the inside. Ask yourself where you want to be in life. What you wish to learn about who you are deep down. Mediation is a beautiful way to look inside yourself. It's a chance, a moment you give yourself to listen to your heart, your intuition. Give yourself permission to explore your happiness within and then explore the world around you.
You can do this! If I can, so can you.
Walk before you run. I had to learn how to step out of my box. I dug deep to be brave. The more things I tried and accomplished, the more confidence I built within myself. Stepping out led me to find happiness within myself and made me proud to live life! MY LIFE! It was a new world being on my own; scary, uncomfortable at times, but so rewarding in the end when you do as your heart wishes.
Make that decision and follow through; join a group that interests you, take a class, take a trip, ask for a promotion, take on a new hobby, and learn to take care of yourself!
Allow me to take those first few steps with you.
1. What is important to you? Family, friends, work, hobbies? Make a list.
Make a VISION BOARD. Write down everything you want to accomplish, and don't leave anything out no matter how far out of reach you may THINK it is. DO NOT limit yourself.
Set it up in three columns Column 1, Column 2, Column 3.
Ask yourself three questions.
What do I want to experience?
How do I want to grow?
What do I want to contribute to society/world?
Column 1 lists everything you want to experience/do
Column 2 How you want to grow
Column 3 What you want to contribute/give back
2. Take a day where you do something you have never done before. NEVER. Find a friend who may challenge you or do it with you. Do something as simple as ordering a new item off the menu in your favorite restaurant or training for a marathon. Don't limit yourself and ask yourself this; When was the last time I did something for the first time? It is so easy to get into a daily routine that can become monotonous.
Be brave, be daring, be adventurous. The world opens when you step outside of your comfort zone. I know it is safe there, but it is so predictable. It is incredibly overwhelming when you find your life suddenly changes drastically. Take life one day at a time and enjoy each day to its fullest!
3. Take a class. Online or in person. What have you always wanted to learn about? DO you have a hobby that you have put aside for many years? Do you have a passion you have always wanted to pursue or pursue again? Is there a class you can take for advancement at your job or simply for personal knowledge? Just pick something. Do anything but do something. You may find yourself taking more after this one is complete. Yes, you will.
There are many opportunities in life, but you must reach out and take them. It may be unsettling, and you may fall or make mistakes. However, it will get more manageable, and you will gain confidence with everything new that you try. Don't listen to anyone who may distract you or try and talk you out of doing something, anything new! Instead, ask them to join you! If they decline, share your adventurous story with them once you complete a new task.
I recently read, "what other people think of me is none of my business."I love the sound of that. It is so true. Live your life. Be kind to others but be kind to yourself as well. Don't hold back
from doing things because of what others might think. I know I did that for a long time. I didn't believe in myself. Does this sound like you as well?
Life changes forced me to hit the reboot button on my life. But, unfortunately, pushing the button made my head spin like a top.
I was fearful of the future and what was next for me. But, once I stopped spinning, I decided that I had the be brave. My healing depended on it.
Healing is an "active" process.
It doesn't just happen. I say this often, and I believe it to be 100% true. It would be easy to stay where it is safe and predictable; you don't meet new people there. You don't have adventures that allow you to soar and become a happier person than ever imagined. That's what happened to me. Not that my life wasn't happy before, but when I decided to keep living life and having fun on my terms; the feeling was exhilarating and continues to be
The three small steps above, I took myself. I took up archery to do something fun with my teenage son, traveled with my kids, sat in restaurants and dined alone, took classes online, and became a Certified Life Health & Life coach. I wrote and just published my first book; yes, I say first because I am not closing the door on a possible second book. I have a dream of starting a non-profit, and I am making that happen too. I am the founder of an online community. Divorce After Forty. I have my list of columns, and I am working my way through it and putting a checkmark beside my accomplishments.
I am here at my desk typing this article. I decided to write a book. So I took the opportunity to be a part of another book, "Invisible no more: stepping into the spotlight" a collaboration of authors sharing their stories.
These are challenges I would never have taken on if I had continued living inside my box.
Being independent is an accomplishment, and I will live like this now and always. I want to encourage you to do the same.
Life is short so
LIVE LIFE NOW
Nanette Murphy, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Nanette Murphy is an author, divorce & Health Coach, and founder of the online community, www.divorceafterforty.com, for women divorcing after twenty-plus years. She is the mother of three adult children and divorced after nearly twenty-five years. Nanette did what she hoped to do but didn't expect; she found strength after heartbreak, her drive after healing, and discovered her purpose through growth. Her goal is to guide, support, and encourage other women to do the same through her community and her coaching.
Comments