Beth Jackson is an experienced psychotherapist and coach, working with clients across the UK and beyond. In counselling, she specialises in anxiety and self-esteem support and also works with many couples as well as those working through grief and trauma.
As Christmas races towards us, many of us feel the excitement but also that growing sense of dread. (At this point you may only feel the dread!) Portrayed as the most joyful of times where we connect with those we love and laughter fills each day, the reality is a great deal of work for many, large expense and creeping anxiety. So how do we navigate this time, not only to stay calm and survive, but to actually find a sense of peace and enjoyment?
Plan, plan, plan
Don’t stop reading! The cliché can be that if we plan enough, things will run smoothly and of course there is truth within that. Yes, we acknowledge that there are always unpredictable events (unpredictability = anxiety) but planning does help us keep on top of the what, when, how, where etc. We all know that planning the details will help, however, I am talking about planning the big stuff.
What is it that you want Christmas to look like as a whole? Do you want it to be quiet, full of people, small scale, riotous, a combination of some of these etc.? Rather than speeding through Christmas and being reactive, plan now and be proactive.
Within this consider, What do I need from this Christmas? Whether you’re the person who organises or the person who joins in, this is important to reflect upon. If you know that by Christmas Eve you will be on your knees with tiredness, ensure you have planned some times of rest within the holiday. If you need time with other people, now is the time to proactively book that in to ensure you are not alone – if that’s what you want and need.
Don’t mis-understand me, you may be the person who organises everything and your priority is for everyone else to enjoy this season, but how would the holidays look if you could consider what would be beneficial for you within this?
Set expectations
Once you have a clear idea of what you want the holiday to look like and what you need, now set your own and everyone else’s expectations. If you’re downscaling this year, make that clear. If you only want to visit someone for a day or overnight – say it explicitly. If you would rather your visitors only came for a few nights not the whole week, plan how you can communicate this.
Finances can be a big strain. As you plan and try to budget, you may find that being honest with others – that things are scaling down this year – brings some relief to everyone.
Ask for help
Why is this so hard? Even Superman asks Batman for help in the Justice League cartoons! Often being honest and asking for support from someone can open up a connection and allows them the joy of helping.
Accept the imperfect
We’ve all seen the adverts with everyone pulling crackers and laughing together around a perfectly cooked dinner. The reality can be very different. We constantly compare who we are and what we have to those around us – often only seeing a tiny fraction of what someone else’s truth actually is. Recognising that when we compare to what someone else has or is doing, this will usually lead to us feeling dissatisfied. This can rob us of any joy and we lose sight of positives in our own reality.
What are the good points about your potential Christmas? If there are things you’re not happy about, what is within your realm to change? If this is dealing with difficult relationships or family members, Christmas may or may not be the time to have honest and open conversations. If it is, plan what you need to say, if not, press pause in your head and ‘ride the anxiety’.
Ride the anxiety
As mentioned, anxiety is in the unpredictability. It grows in the ‘what if’s. Reminding yourself that it is ‘only’ anxiety and you are not in danger is key. Compassionately talking to yourself and perhaps using simple grounding techniques as you allow the anxiety to pass, takes practise but allows you to gradually see it fade. You may find yourself using these strategies repeatedly through the day, that’s fine – you can do it.
Lonely this Christmas
If the memory or the loss of a loved one looms heavier at Christmas, whether through death, divorce or distance, anticipate this and include it in your planning. If you want to be with others – secure an invite. If you need to be alone to grieve and reflect – make sure you set time for this. Will you choose to mark their absence? If so, how? A walk, alone or with others, a toast before a meal, a photograph prominently placed? Or silent reflections alone? We feel that absence because we love and the message of Christmas is love.
Stay in the present amongst the presents
With planning, preparation, organisation often taking many, many hours, the danger can be for Christmas to pass in an exhausted blur. If anxiety reigns in the ‘what if’s, mindfulness rules in the ‘what is’. Slowing down our brains can seem an impossible task but by focusing on our breath, considering what we can see, hear, touch, perhaps even smell or taste, helps us to stay in the moment.
However you celebrate this season, whether quietly or in a noisy crowd I wish you a very happy Christmas.
Beth Jackson
Beth Jackson is a psychotherapist and coach. As a counsellor she specialises in anxiety, self esteem and grief as well as communication and relationship work. As an executive, life and therapeutic coach she works with clients to help them take charge of their own development so that they can achieve the results they want to see.
She sees clients face to face in Lincoln, UK as well as world-wide online via Teams. See more details on her website here and contact her here for a no charge conversation.
Read more from Beth Jackson
Beth Jackson, Psychotherapist/Counsellor and Coach
Beth Jackson works as a psychotherapist and coach in her private practice in the UK and online across the world. She focuses on the aims of the client, working sensitively and supportively to help change happen quickly. Her intention is for clients to recognise their own capabilities and help them empower themselves to live the life they want.
