Written by: Tricia Brouk, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I will forever laugh out loud at the thought of Maya Rudolph singing, “May I offer you some feedback?” from Wine Country, a film directed by Amy Poehler. Giving and receiving feedback can activate even the most emotionally intelligent human being. Asking to give feedback through song is one way of disarming the receiver for sure, and I’ve got four additional insights into giving and receiving feedback that will always set you up for success. And it all starts with being specific.
So often, speakers will present for a group of people a week or two before they are meant to deliver their TEDx or Keynote. And they go in without asking for specific feedback. This is a huge mistake. And that’s because what happens next is that everyone starts giving their thoughts, thinking they are helpful.
It can be on the script, on the idea. On the performance, how it starts, how it ends, the use of slides, blocking, and even what you’re wearing. This actually becomes an opinion session disguised as feedback, and this is dangerous.
When you open yourself up to unsolicited and unguided feedback, every single belief you have in yourself and your talk goes away. Doubt, uncertainty, and insecurity fill you up entirely, and you become lost in a sea of feedback you didn’t ask for.
I have seen it happen over and over again. This is why you absolutely must be specific in how you ask for feedback when you are delivering your talk in front of an audience before you are taking the stage. And the kind of feedback you ask for is determined by the amount of time you have between the delivery and the actual date of the speaking event.
Tip No.1
When you are three to six months out, you have an opportunity and the time to make adjustments to the script. Because you have this luxury, here are a few things you can specifically ask for and exactly how.
"Thank you for taking the time to be here today and for allowing me to work my talk through in front of you. I am only looking for feedback on the actual content, the script, not my performance. And I’m not memorized today, but I will be on the day."
And then tell them exactly what feedback you desire.
Does the talk open strong? Why do you think so or not?
Do you feel there is enough of my personal story?
Do you feel like the arc is clear?
What journey emotionally do you go on?
Would you like the talk to share more data and stats?
Does the ending feel strong, and why or why not?
These are questions that can serve you in the writing process, and if you have three months out, you have time to implement the changes by learning from this feedback.
Tip No.2
When you are only a few weeks out, here’s what to ask for and exactly how to ask for it. Remember that getting feedback only a couple of weeks out from the performance will not give you enough time to re-write an entire talk. So, make it clear you are not looking for feedback on the script.
“I appreciate you allowing me to deliver my talk today. I would appreciate you give me specific feedback today. Here is exactly what I’m looking for feedback on, nothing more. Thank you.”
And then tell them exactly what feedback you desire.
How does the talk make you feel?
Did you like the tempo of how I delivered it?
What did you learn?
Is my performance inviting and why?
What do you want to do afterward?
By asking specific questions, you are getting feedback on what you can actually address in a short amount of time.
Tip No.3
When you are delivering your talk to an audience the day before, which I highly recommend, it is because you literally need to work out the nerves and have the live exchange of energy with an audience. It is not because you are going to make big changes the day before. Here is how you ask for feedback.
“Today, I’m going to ask that you are simply a warm body. This means there is no room for feedback. I am excited about the opportunity to run through my talk with you today and appreciate your openness and generosity in receiving me.”
Tip No.4
And when you are giving feedback to a speaker or anyone for that matter, always start with the positive before moving into the feedback. And ask before you jump in.
Here is exactly how to give constructive and supportive feedback that will always leave your speaker or colleague respected and open.
“Are you available for some feedback? (When they answer in the affirmative) Great, first, I loved how you moved around in the space. The times you were still were super powerful. I am wondering if you have considered adding one more story about yourself. You have an incredibly interesting life, and I’d love to hear more.”
These notes are framed positively, which keeps the dialog open and continuous, hopefully preventing any detachment or shutting down.
When you have a clear understanding of giving and receiving feedback, it is always helpful and a super positive experience, whether you are the giver or the receiver on stage or off. And if you desire to sing your feedback, that is always an option, as long as you ask first.
Tricia Brouk, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Tricia Brouk is an internationally award-winning director. She has worked in theater, film, and television for three decades. Tricia founded The Big Talk Academy, where she certifies speakers in the art of public speaking. She was the executive producer of Speakers Who Dare and TEDxLincolnSquare, and now The Big Talk Live. She is currently being featured in a new documentary called Big Stages, which highlights the transformation of her speakers. Tricia’s commitment and devotion to inclusion is a priority as all of her shows, events, and communities are diverse. She curates and hosts the Speaker Salon in NYC, The Big Talk, an award-winning podcast on iTunes and YouTube. The Influential Voice: Saying What You Mean for Lasting Legacy was a 1 New Release on Amazon in December 2020. She was awarded Top Director of 2019 by the International Association of Top Professionals and Top Ten Speaker Coaches in Yahoo Finance in 2021. Her documentaries have received critical acclaim—winning Best Documentary Short at The Olympus Film Festival and Los Angeles Movie Awards. Tricia has spoken at Forbes, Pride Global, New York Public Library, I Heart My Life Live, and The National Organization for Rare Disorders.
