Written by: Bernice Fabi, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The scene is still clear in my mind. Years ago my husband and I were on our honeymoon visiting family in Europe. It was a warm fall day. We were outside chatting and somewhat distracted. I heard the sound of a door gently closing and looked up to see an older woman, who I didn’t know then, gracefully descend the stairs from a second floor entry that was part of a family home. Her slender body stood straight and appeared strong. She wore light coloured semi-fitted pants and a white blouse with a flowing neck scarf that gave her an elegant though youthful look. Her silver-grey hair was loosely pulled back in a low bun. Despite her aged face, it was humbly soft and her blue eyes seemed peaceful. She wore no makeup. I received a sense of confidence from her as she casually walked her way to a bicycle leaning against the outside wall. With ease, she got on the bike and rode off.
It was like a scene from an Audrey Hepburn movie although I don’t remember any character she played that rode a bike. There were no flowers in the front basket of this woman’s bike and no theatrical music. It was a simple scene from real life. There was just something about this woman that caught my eye as I decided at that moment I wanted to be like her when I had that beautiful silver-grey hair too. I later found out she was in her 80’s.
The years have passed since that moment, almost 25 years ago. I still feel this woman’s presence and the ease about her that captivated me. I think about it because I’m reminded of not what I want to go after in life or achieve, but rather how I want to be. It’s an image that extends beyond physical attributes to an internal sense of being.
I did get the privilege of getting to know this woman beyond that first glimpse and my impression was verified by her wisdom and spunk for life. For years, I’ve tossed around what I need to do to create this same sense of being at ease and alive in my life. I’ve learned that it’s truly about connecting to the flow of life that allows for the creation of an inner sense of peace. I’ve also learned that peace also means strength to let go of resistance and to accept life the way it happens. When we can learn to accept and not resist, there is a natural peace that flows and the benefit is a physically and mentally connected state of well being.
I’ve identified these six ways to feel at ease and alive in life:
Let go of expectations - This doesn't mean we don’t set goals. Goals are what move us forward with intent. This doesn’t mean we avoid making to do lists or writing affirmations for ourselves. These are useful tools. This doesn’t mean we don’t make bucket lists for ourselves. What a better way to dream and make dreams a reality.
Letting go of expectations simply means that we enjoy the journey along the way without being discouraged by every setback and detour or what we perceive as failure. Here’s an example. When you feel negative emotions around an event that happened to you, try turning that event into a gift or opportunity. What possibilities are there for you that wouldn’t have existed otherwise? Who knows, perhaps there’s something so much better around the corner. Maybe something far better than you could have ever imagined. When we ease into the flow of life, we see opportunities rather than feeling resistance that holds us back.
Feel the excitement! Who knows the great places you’ll go?
Make relationships a priority - If you make one thing a priority in your life, make it this. Sometimes we need to put the “to do” lists aside and instead, embrace the people that have so much to do with our lives. Know that time isn’t forever. Read books to your young kids, attend their practices and concerts, wildly cheer them on at every opportunity. Connect with your teens, their dreams, their friends and their parents. Engage in each stage of their lives with curiosity and joy. Above all, discipline with love.
Be the partner your partner needs and you want your partner to be to you. Cherish each other, respect each other and only have eyes for each other. Never stop getting to know each other. Listen and offer encouragement. Also know that answers are not always required, sometimes only hugs and comfort.
Visit your parents and grandparents and spend time with them as they age. I understand being part of the sandwich generation can be challenging at times. Encourage your kids to not only help out but just to be with them. Be present with love and kindness. Encourage your parents and grandparents to share stories of days when they were young. You never know when they'll forget their stories.
Get together with friends often. Laugh. Love. Support each other. Cry with them. Make them casseroles. Share life.
Let’s not forget the most important relationship you have and that’s the one with yourself. Never be too busy to spend time alone. Feel comfortable being by yourself in silence and getting to know yourself. Use this time to explore the relationship you have with your Creator. Discover where you draw your inner peace from. Make this relationship a daily priority for in this relationship you will find your purpose in this great life on earth.
One common thread in all positive relationships is the foundation of love. The legacy of love is the most profound legacy you can leave to this world.
Find joy in your everyday routine - One of the greatest pleasures in life is connecting through our senses to the day to day things we often take for granted. This can be achieved by simply slowing down and becoming aware. Want some ideas to start your day? Notice the spectacular sunrise, take in the aroma of your morning coffee, taste your breakfast, feel the warm water as you wash your hands, hear the water in your shower, hear the sound of someone calling your name. The opportunities throughout your day are endless.
Oh, and here’s another idea. Notice the eyes of someone you have a brief connection with today. Despite the masks we wear, eyes are always visible. During this pandemic, I feel a sense of avoidance as we meet with strangers. Your smile or a few words spoken can show gratitude to someone for their presence and service to you. Your eyes will reflect that. Who knows, that simple gesture could make their day come alive too.
Our everyday lives can often become so routine that we overlook the current pleasures in daily living. Finding happiness in the “here and now” is life’s true gift to us. Never believe happiness will come as a result of a future achievement or acquisition. That’s a lie we tell ourselves! Being mindful of what we’re doing and the life we live right now creates a constant flow of appreciation and love for humanity and the world we live in.
Live a healthy lifestyle - An aunt of mine once told me, “You sometimes need to be selfish and take care of yourself first.” I both agree and disagree. Taking care of ourselves is not selfish and if we view it as selfish we may tend to avoid it. I clearly understood what she meant though and it is that we have to let go of the belief that we always have to be there for others first. Instead, we need to make ourselves a priority so we have the positive mental attitude and physical strength to take care of others. This was wise advice from a woman in her 80’s.
A healthy lifestyle starts with nourishing our bodies with healthy food and regular exercise. I’m a strong advocate for mindful healthy eating with the exception of dietary intolerances. Regardless of your diet views, we can’t and I stress, can’t feel great, if we neglect the temples we live in. There are also various ways to move and strengthen our bodies. Pick something to start. Just focus on being active.
Another aspect often overlooked is our mental fitness. Benefits can be attained well into our 90’s. Old age is never an excuse and the younger we are, the better to start. Just like muscle reps at the gym, mental fitness strengthens the muscles of our brain enabling our minds to shift from being hijacked by challenges in life to tackling them with grace and ease. That’s just one example.
Above all, do what you enjoy and be creative so you make fitness and wellbeing a lifelong commitment for health. Our minds and bodies are connected. By making wellbeing fun, you can’t help but feel young and alive!
Forgive yourself and forgive others - Do I hear a sigh from you? This is sometimes the most difficult to do and yet, the most liberating. Forgive yourself if you have a bad day or act in any bad way toward others. Maybe you’re not the most loving partner or parent. You simply need to let go of the guilt you feel. You’re human.
Now turn the table. Recognize that others are human just as you are. Miscommunication can result in resentment and misunderstanding. Untoward action against ourselves or our loved ones can seem unforgivable. However, carrying the negative emotion is a burden, both physically and emotionally, that can weigh heavy on us. According to Psychology Today (June, 2015), forgiveness simply makes you happier and healthier. Seek the aid of a therapist or coach if you need help to deal with any emotional weight you feel.
A quote by Thomas Szasz says it eloquently, “The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.”
Let your motto be, “Hate and fear can be overruled by love”.
Occasionally indulge - Relax if you’re not up to working out. It’s ok to still have dessert. Besides, having dessert should not be based on whether you work out or not. Enjoy food, rest days, spa days, holidays, shopping days.
Cash in your saved coins. Visit that vacation destination you’ve dreamt about. Tackle that bucket list. Dream and do! Let go and live!
Finally, does all of this mean living with ease is always easy? Absolutely not. However, when we make a conscious effort to do the right things throughout the moments of life, we can’t help but learn to be in tune with who we are and who we’re meant to be. We learn what allows us to feel happiness in the long term and not just for the moment. We live with and radiate joy. Living with happiness is truly about letting go of resistance and being at ease with the ebb and flow of life. We simply feel alive and free.
Oh, and by the way, despite already having that grey-white hair myself, I do still have several years to go before hitting that 80 year marker. I’ve learned this one thing though and it is that age is not something I’m scared of. In fact, age is only a perspective of time and both have so much to teach us. Happy New Year! Let’s live 2022 to the fullest!
Bernice Fabi, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Bernice Fabi is a Purpose & Fulfillment Coach for women in business. She graduated as a Jay Shetty certified life and success coach and is currently being trained by Shirzad Chamine toward the goal of Positive Intelligence mental fitness certification. Bernice’s career background involved 20 years in banking which included team management and business lending. Currently, she’s an entrepreneur, alongside her husband, with experience in real estate investment and service based sectors.
Bernice helps her clients to discover their potential and break free of what’s holding them back in life so they can discover true happiness and freedom.
