Written by: Mahara Wayman, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Do you love your career but feel anything but love in the midst of it?
I have coined this unfortunate occurrence the "Career Contradiction Trap," and I've noticed that it's showing up more and more these days. Women who find themselves in this dreaded trap admit that being unhappy in a career they love came as a surprise and left them bewildered and disheartened.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a trap as "something by which one is caught or stopped unawares, also: a position or situation from which it is difficult or impossible to escape."
Let me state at the outset, it's bad enough to find yourself in this predicament, but it's even worse to assume there is nothing that can be done about it. It may feel like a situation from which you can't escape, but the truth is you can.
The sad reality is that women are working longer and harder both at their job and in their homes every year, and the number of unhappy professionals continues to grow exponentially.
I was one of them, putting on a brave face, reminding myself that I was fortunate to have a job doing what I loved. I was one of the lucky ones because I was successful and earned a good living.
So, what exactly was I complaining about? Good question.
I recall being in a meeting and, at the start, was feeling happy to be there and excited to contribute. I was, after all, a very creative and driven team member, wholly focused on the company's goals. However, this feeling gradually subsided, and by the end of the meeting, I was annoyed, and all I wanted was chocolate with a side of chardonnay.
After much reflection, by asking myself tough questions, I had an epiphany; I was unhappy with my dream job. During that particular meeting, I struggled to share my thoughts confidently, and I neglected to show my worth as a team member. I kept my opinions to myself and spent more time talking in my head than out loud with the others in the room. This retreat into myself quickly spiralled into questioning my worth and my career choice. I silently questioned myself; why am I doing this job? The absolute horror of that moment was that I realized that I didn't have a good answer, which left me depressed and concerned.
Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever spent oodles of time in your head, getting in your own way, tripping and becoming completely discombobulated? What were your reasons for landing there?
My reasons became apparent after some reflection. I worked for years with blinders, choosing to focus only on what was asked of me without the checks and balances of ensuring I was in alignment with my core values. When things felt a little off and my intuition kicked in, I chose to ignore it. For example, when asked to work longer hours, I agreed without considering how that affected my family or my current state in that moment. When I received emails late at night, I chose to answer them without considering the message I was sending, neither to the person who emailed nor my kids watching me as I turned away from them and focused on my laptop instead. When I was presented with opportunities that took me away from the work I loved, I blindly ran with them, determined I would come out on top and feel amazing. Surprisingly, in the end, all I felt was exhaustion and deep disappointment.
You see, I was afraid to look closely at why I felt the way I did. I decided instead to march on and do whatever it took to progress in my career and capture those feelings of accomplishment. Now, please don't think I was ever asked to do anything untoward, but there were times that I didn't feel good about my work. Instead of voicing my concerns or even asking for clarification, I grumbled, acquiesced and just did whatever task was at hand. In my determination to be a good employee with a positive attitude, I put on a megawatt smile every day and forced it to remain for hours on end. I believed that going with the flow coupled with a cheerful demeanour would carry me through to the next promotion. Well, I did move up, but it was without true happiness or an aligned purpose. It was hollow and shaky and, thankfully, didn't withstand honest introspection. Today, I am very grateful that my foundation for my last career toppled because it led me to where I am today. My work today feels honest and aligned, filled with purpose. I am in the habit now of double-checking with myself whenever my intuition suggests it. I have courageous conversations with myself and my peers daily. What a gift that is!
Truth:
Regardless of where you are today in your career, if you are not as happy as you want to be, you can do something about it, and you should do something.
If you think you may be in the dreaded Career Contradiction Trap and would like to break out of it, here are six focuses to get started:
A willingness to ask yourself tough questions.
The desire for powerful self-talk.
A clear vision of what you want out of your career.
The chutzpah to go after it.
A bold & creative mentor.
A community of like-minded, ferocious women that have your back.
If this article resonated with you or would like to connect with me directly, please do so via my social media links: Instagram, Facebook, Website, and Linkedin.
If you found yourself nodding your head thinking, "I can relate." then book a complimentary empowerment breakthrough session with me.
I would love to help you harness your voice and declare your worth so you can flourish in your career.
Mahara Wayman, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Mahara began her coaching career working for a global health and wellness company, helping thousands transform their lives. Recently she decided to pursue her passion for helping women and started her company, Mindfulness With Mahara. She couples her years of experience with powerful techniques and her innate curiosity to help professional women find happiness in their careers and with themselves.
References:
"trap." Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, 2021.Web. 12 Oct 2021.
Mckinsey & Company. "Women In The Workplace, 2021."
