Written by: Stacey Ruth, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Do you ever wonder why something you want seems to elude you? If it is something that feels critically important for your fulfillment and sense of purpose, then you probably are dealing with one or more limiting beliefs. If you are able to shift them (and you are!) then not only will you access the meaning and fulfillment you lack, you also will more easily connect with the objects of your desire.
Limiting beliefs often form in childhood. Sometimes limiting beliefs develop from things our parents, teachers or friends said, or by the ways they lived their own lives. Parents are our first teachers so it’s easy to understand why you might pick up on their habits, comments about work, or discussions about money, even if you didn’t realize it.
Let’s be fair to parents, however. Like us, they lived life the best way they knew how, also dealing with their own limiting beliefs. And now you can break the cycle by working on your own self-growth and determining what you want out of life. Spoiler alert: You really don’t have to settle for a job or life that doesn’t bring you joy.
In my book, Own Your Own Shift, I discuss the importance of being vivid as you envision your dream life. Visualize where you live, what you do every day, what kind of work you do, what your home looks like, what kind of car you drive, etc.
You are the creator of your dream life and only you can make the changes necessary to find that joy. Let’s start off by banishing those limiting beliefs so you can start believing in yourself and trusting that you can create a fulfilling life.
STEP ONE: Limiting Beliefs as the Golden Path to Your Purpose
Beliefs are ‘limiting’ when they are stopping you from doing or having something that you truly desire – like living your purpose. If you want to identify what your personal purpose is, I invite you to explore my Discover Your Personal Purpose Workbook for yourself. In the meantime, just remember, limiting beliefs are the excuses that we’ve unconsciously accepted about why we can’t do or achieve something.
Some examples of limiting beliefs are:
I can’t earn a six-figure income because I don’t have the talent or knowledge to do so.
I can’t hire a business team because I don’t make enough money yet.
I can’t wear a swimsuit on vacation because I still want to lose 30 pounds.
I can’t get straight A’s in school because I’m just not smart.
I can’t go back to college because I’m too old.
Do you notice how all these limiting beliefs start? With “I CAN’T”. Whenever you start a sentence with “I can’t” you’re setting yourself up for failure. If you decide to try to accomplish any of these things, you’ll always have that nagging voice at the back of your head, feeding you garbage about all the reasons why something can’t happen. This voice can also cause you to give up too soon or without getting all the facts or putting forth a real hearty effort.
Instead, try turning those limiting beliefs around into positive affirmations which encourage you to try even if you feel unprepared. If you want to earn a six-figure income, for instance, but don’t know how to do it, you’ll find hundreds of people online and in groups who are willing to help you; but they won’t know you need help unless you ask the question first.
With the internet, there’s no excuse for not finding the information you need to create an action list of what it takes to achieve your goal. However, don’t become a perpetual student or get stuck in analysis paralysis where you’re so busy researching you never take action. Educate yourself first, create a plan, then take action.
While you didn’t create limiting beliefs, they are your responsibility to deal with once you realize they are blocking you. If you want to experience fulfillment, you have to learn how to create your life from intention–not pre-programmed beliefs.
Limiting beliefs can show up in any area of our lives. Anywhere you feel like you’re not achieving what you want or can’t seem to make forward progress probably stems from an underlying limiting belief.
For many entrepreneurs, this might show up in areas/fears like:
Fear of Success and/or Failure
Fear of Visibility/Being Seen/Being Rejected
Money
Relationships
Limiting beliefs obstruct your purpose because they stop you from taking action toward who you know you’re meant to be. As the late Louise Hay said, “If you accept a limiting belief, then it will become a truth for you.”
The good news is beliefs are super-changeable – and a matter of choice. You can move beyond them. Think of them as the keys to opening the door to unlimited opportunities. Just imagine if you could:
Release any negativity you have around money so you can make more of it without guilt or shame or anxiety
Feel more confidence asking for what you want and going after what you truly desire
Love yourself deeply and watch as that love overflows into your relationships
Feel ‘safe’ (and excited) about showing up and being seen
That (and so much more!) is what radically shifting your beliefs can do.
STEP TWO: Notice & Name the Beliefs Squelching Your Soul
You’ll find several different schools of thought about how to best shift your limiting beliefs, but this model of behavior change is one most people agree on:
Belief → Thought → Behavior → Action → Result
This means that each limiting belief in your life has an accompanying thought. And in order for you to shift the thought so you create a different behavior (and therefore a different action and result!), you need to IDENTIFY the thoughts that make up the beliefs.
You’ll need to change these thoughts both cognitively and behaviorally. When you change your thinking, then it’s easier to change your behavior.
For example, instead of saying, “I can’t open a coaching business because I don’t know how to find clients,” change that up to a more positive thought like, “I CAN open a coaching business because I want to help people and I’m not afraid to ask questions about getting started.” Keep repeating that positive thought and you’ll gain some confidence and motivation to do the necessary research to set you on your way to opening your business.
Now, there’s a very important idea I don’t want to gloss over here: This is not about pretending you have knowledge you don’t and blindly grasping around, all the while repeating to yourself, “I CAN, I CAN, I CAN.” That is like holding your breath, and telling yourself you are breathing. You must take action that is in alignment with your new beliefs, or it will not work.
Whatever limiting beliefs you uncover, write them down in a journal, notebook, or phone app. You’ll need this list as you continue going through the other exercises.
STEP THREE: Get Crystal Clear About What Your Beliefs Are Costing You
Once you have determined what your limiting beliefs are, you have to acknowledge these are beliefs (not truths) and therefore it is possible to shift and change them. This shift doesn’t happen overnight, but the first step is acknowledging the beliefs, then practicing the shift in your thinking.
As your mind shifts, you’ll feel more confident, which leads to taking action. You will begin to believe that your business can grow, your relationships can improve, and you can do the things that bring you joy. Everyone will have different beliefs and life goals, so make this as personal as possible. Don’t follow someone else’s lead or allow your spouse or family to influence what you want in life.
Once you’ve gotten clear on what your beliefs are and what they’re costing you now and potentially in the future, it’s time to start shifting. You’ll learn how to get started in the next step.
STEP FOUR: Rewrite Your Beliefs and Call Back the Truth Of Who You Are!
Just so you know, as you explore these beliefs, you might feel some sadness or even despair. Don’t panic. Sometimes people feel like it’s a punch in the gut to really have their limiting beliefs looking straight at them from the paper. Acknowledge the facts of the situation and then get excited that these things can get turned around.
Know your limiting beliefs then take action to change them.
To get started, for each limiting belief ask yourself this simple question: “What if I’m wrong?”
Have you EVER considered that these beliefs are lies (or, at least misguided) instead of truths?
For example, do you believe that you’ll lose money as fast as you earn it? What if you’re wrong? You might discover that you’re an incredible saver, simply because you don’t want this limiting belief to ever come true. You might find motivation to hire a CPA or a bookkeeper to help you understand your taxes and how much cash you really need to earn each month so you can pay your expenses. Think of the other possibilities that can happen if you choose not to believe this limiting belief. It’s such a simple question and yet it can open your eyes to a new world of possibilities.
Your next step is to choose one limiting belief to focus on and ask yourself: “Am I willing to see this differently?”
If the answer is YES, then move onto the next step. If you feel resistance to changing this belief, that’s okay. You can continue to move onto the next steps and still see shifts over time. That said, if there’s a limiting belief that you feel more willing to shift–you might want to start there. Once you see results with one belief, it will be easier to work on the “harder" or more deeply engrained beliefs.
Replace each limiting belief you identified with a more empowering belief and write it down.
For example, if your limiting belief is, “If I let people see who I truly am, they’ll reject me,” the more empowering belief might look like, “It’s safe to be who I truly am no matter who is around.”
If you’re having trouble coming up with the more empowering belief, think about:
What belief is more aligned with what you want?
What belief can you ease into, that’s just a step or two above your limiting belief?
Sometimes our subconscious won't get on board right away and we have to “ease" it into this process. If you find yourself ‘retracting’ at the thought of your more empowering belief, you might need to ‘scale back’ at first with a more believable new belief. Work at your own pace.
Writing down new beliefs can feel like a lot of work–but it’s actually the easier part of this process! These new beliefs you’ve written down are now your new mantras or affirmations. Anytime the old thought pops up, repeat the affirmation or mantra in its place.
Keep these mantras/affirmations in your journal and consider keeping them in the Notes section of your smartphone for easy reference when you’re out of your office. Post them around your office and/or home so you’re reminded daily of the changes you’re making.
Over time, these new thoughts will create new neural pathways in your brain that fire automatically and eventually those old negative thoughts will disappear. You most likely will be surprised when one day you realize you haven’t had those particular negative thoughts in a long while. During this process, your core beliefs will become stronger and more ‘natural’ over time, eliminating room for those old limiting beliefs.
Here’s the deal though: You can’t just say an affirmation over and over to make changes. Every time you read your affirmation, practice feeling it as if it’s already real.
You might also want to visualize (or journal on) the following to get the creative juices flowing by asking yourself, “How will I feel differently when this belief no longer exists?”
Visualization can be done anywhere (except while driving!) and it doesn’t take much time. However, experts suggest developing a visualization habit or ritual (similar to meditation) to reap the most benefits. The process works best if you have a quiet space and can close your eyes to envision yourself in this new belief.
Shifting your limiting beliefs is an ongoing process; personal development never has an end point and even after doing this work you might find new limiting beliefs showing themselves. Each new ‘level’ of success (or going outside your comfort zone) will bring up new beliefs to shift. But now you will have the tools for changing those limiting beliefs on your own and eventually your “new” beliefs will feel 100% true to you.
In my next article I will share the next steps for discovering your purpose and shifting out of these beliefs that are standing in your way.
Stacey Ruth, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Leadership Coach, Stacey Ruth, is an acclaimed marketer, entrepreneur, minister, and founder of two multimillion-dollar agencies. She has been named one of the Top 50 Entrepreneurs in Atlanta and twice as one of the Top 100 “It” Agencies by Experiential Marketer Magazine. She did all this while struggling with two failed marriages, imposter syndrome, overwhelm, and stress-related health issues. This inner crash from outer success triggered the spiritual journey that took her to Manchu Picchu and had her walking across the fire. This was when she learned how we all could rise above circumstances to become irresistible and unstoppable. Today, Stacey advocates for leaders ready to reach their next level with clarity and confidence - most especially women leaders like herself. Stacey is the author of Own Your Own Shift: The Power, Passion, and Freedom to Be Unstoppable.
