Written by: Nicole DuVall, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Many people find it difficult to shift perspectives when they are trying to better understand where a person is coming from. We try and try and try but we are always shifting back into our own beliefs about a given situation, leaving all involved frustrated and in conflict with one another. Yet so many different factors play into the how and why a person makes the choices they do, most of which we have no awareness of so we are making false assumptions about the person/situation from the start. This is where shifting your perspective is key to having healthy relationships.
For example, you have a friend who has been in a toxic relationship for years and you don't understand why she won't just leave. You wonder why she stays with someone who is so clearly bad for her. You try talking to her about it and you just wind up frustrated because she can't/won't leave and/or she makes excuses for the partner. Try as you may, you just can't understand why she can't see what you see. Your opinion is she should just walk out right this moment and never look back. You get so frustrated and tired of hearing her 'sob story' that you pull away from the friendship because “she just won't listen.”
What you don't see is all the childhood and past relationship trauma your friend has gone through which manifested this toxic relationship into her life. What you don't see is how difficult it has been for this friend to handle her depression, anxiety, low self esteem, or other mental health issues even though she seems 'fine' to you. What you don't see is that she honestly does not see a way out of the situation-whether it be because of financials, kids, marriage, etc. What you don't understand is that her brain has been in fight or flight mode for so long that she cannot see anything past surviving the day, hour, or even the next 5 minutes. What you don't see is all the friends and family who have turned their backs on her because of the same reason you just did, leaving her even more alone and re-enforcing the abandonment wound and her inner belief that she is not good enough and unworthy of anything better than her current situation. What you don't understand is the inner demons the partner is battling and truly trying to overcome and get help for.
By not being able to see different perspectives, you are not able to see the amount of pain and fear this friend is going through. You cannot put yourself fulling in her shoes and you cannot fathom how she can allow herself to be in this toxicity. You judge and condemn her for her choices because they are not what you would choose. By not being able to see from other perspectives you are unable to tap into a deeper level of love, compassion, and unity consciousness.
How do we start looking at a situation from a different perspective (to the best of our ability)? It is a skill that we all have but it needs practice to develop. It will take time to cultivate these new habits but it will change your life once you do so.
Learn to truly LISTEN
Most of us have developed the habit of listening only to react/speak. We tend to hear only what we want to hear or don't pick up on the underlying meaning of certain parts of the conversation. We are already cultivating a response while the person is still talking. We are so caught up in having to get OUR voice heard that we totally miss out on very important skills-Listening and Empathy. You'd be surprised at how many arguments could be completely avoided if we would all just stop and listen to one another. If you find yourself wanting to interupt someone while they are speaking, not remembering parts of a conversation, or totally changing the topic mid conversation, you are a non-listener.
Do your research. There are many amazing resources out there to help you develop your listening skills. Everyone can benefit from continuing to develop this important skill. Listen from a place of actually hearing every word the person is speaking. Listen to what's not being said. Watch their body language while they are talking. Listen from a place of gaining as much information about this person/event as you can. Hang on their every word.
Develop Empathy
Even if you don't consider yourself an empath, you can develop empathy for others fairly easily. This is where the saying “put yourself in someone elses' shoes” comes into play. By perceiving yourself in someone else's situation, you can develop compassion, love, and a greater insight as to what that person is feeling and going through. By doing this you will have the tendancy to drop judgements towards that person as well. You could even bring a greater awareness to a solution to the situation that the other person hasn't thought of (if they are open to advise.) This important skill is so incredibly important in the times we are living in with the whole world divided over seemingly everything. Developing empathy for others is a superpower. You will have the ability to relate to everyone and help bring unity back to the world!
Respect Others
Respecting others for their own opinions and beliefs is a key player in developing your ability to shift into different perspectives. Each and every one of us 7.78 billion people on this planet have different beliefs and histories. Even siblings from the same family can grow up to be polar opposites. We have to respect others without judging them. We have become a society of judgemental hypocrites. Learning to respect one another for our differences is the key to so many issues we are facing on this planet.
Look Inside Yourself
Ask yourself the hard questions and determine your own personal motives. Are you secretly harboring ill will towards someone in this situation? Is this triggering you because of something that happened to you in your past? Are you discriminating against someone/something unknowingly? Can you show compassion and forgiveness to the 'perpetrator' in this situation? If not, then why not? What are the true reasons you are judging and condemning them when you truthfully don't know their whole story/background? Are you holding anger, resentment, disgust, etc towards anyone involved? Why? Dig deep here. You'll be surprised at what you uncover about yourself that is shaping your own reactions towards the world around you. Once you've sat with these questions, do the inner work to heal yourself.
We live in a world full of duality and judgement. Everyone is right and everyone else is wrong. There is seemingly no middle ground anyone can agree on anymore. Compassion, respect, empathy, listening, holding space for others, non-judgement all seem to have withered and died. Everyone is fighting yet no one will listen and all refuse to unite. Luke 6:37 states “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” We need to relearn respect. We need to relearn forgiveness. We need to relearn compassion and empathy for our fellow humans. It's time we all drop our proverbial weapons (our words), open our hearts, and start taking a hard look at how WE are contributing to this destruction. It's time to learn to see things from different perspectives.
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Nicole DuVall, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Nicole DuVall is a Transformational/Empowerment Coach, Reiki Master (for both humans and animals), as well as a certified Energy Healer. She has walked the path so to say, healing herself from severe childhood trauma, addiction, narcissistic relationships, depression, and anxiety. She was the epitome of a broken soul who 'didn't want to be here anymore' with no self-love or self-esteem. Over the course of her healing process, she has had several spiritual deaths and rebirths which pushed her into her true calling of helping others heal and being able to intuitively see the core woundings and higher perspectives her clients need to truly heal themselves.
Her soulpreneurship, Awaken the Divine U, is based on service to others, helping you to recognize and heal your inner wounds and to learn to love yourself again, fully, completely, and unconditionally. She takes people on a personalized healing journey through self-love using multiple modalities to get to the core of the repetitive negative, stuck cycles you are caught up in, helping you to break free of those cycles, and learn to feel ALL of your emotions in the process. She holds space as you befriend and heal your ego, soul, and inner child, allowing all of your inner selves to work in harmony together for your highest good. She helps you to 'biohack' to the core 'blocks' so your healing doesn't have to take years to see and feel the benefits of your inner work.
