Written by: Joel Haasenritter, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
It’s a tale as old as time... Two people meet and fall in love! Maybe it was love at first sight. Maybe their love grew over time. But they were destined to live happily ever after. And then… life happened, and little by little they grew apart as the stress of bills and debt, unexpected emergency room visits, and late nights at the office eventually became too much for them to carry. And one more couple became another statistic…
A lifelong relationship takes work. But it is possible to have your happily ever after and a lifetime of true love, joy, and intimacy if both partners work together. Here are seven ways to deepen your committed relationship.
1. If you're not working on your relationship you're working on your separation
Recently, Dr. Troy and Dr. Dave (The Oola Guys) were speaking to a group on marriage, when Dave made one of the most profound statements about relationships: “If you’re not working on your marriage, you’re working on your divorce.” Whether you’re in a marital relationship or simply a committed partnership, the principle stands true. It takes being intentional about staying close and not letting the troubles of the day take a higher priority than the one you love. If you both can give without expectation, the rewards of a deep and fulfilled relationship are limitless.
2. Be together… individually Inventor Buckminster Fuller is credited with first coining the term “synergetics”. This law of synergy states (paraphrased) that when two things come together, the result is greater than the sum of its parts. While there is nothing wrong with choosing to live a solo life, when this law is applied to two committed individuals, the results speak for themselves. However, it is also critical to not lose sight of who you are as an individual. Don’t forget who you were when your partner fell in love with you. Yes, grow together. But also take time and space for yourself so you continue to grow as an individual. Fill your cup, so you can pour into the one you love. 3. Respect each other's boundaries For two individuals to grow together successfully, it is important for each of them to know who they are, communicate that with their partner, and for there to be mutual respect for each other’s boundaries.
For some, those boundaries have been intentionally shaped by past successes and failures. Others have been impacted by years of trauma and abuse. It is never too late to work toward a greater understanding of healthy boundaries and healing from past experiences that may be negatively impacting your boundaries within your relationship. By creating an environment of safety and support, you allow your relationship to thrive. A good resource for how to do that well is the book, Boundaries In Marriage, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. 4. Know each other’s love languages One of the most popular books on understanding your partner and expressing yourself well is The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, by Gary Chapman. In it, he describes five ways that people communicate and receive love. They are Words of Affirmation * Acts of Service * Receiving Gifts * Quality Time * and Physical Touch. One of the biggest disconnects in any relationship is not knowing or understanding your partner’s love language. A simple love note for someone who needs words of affirmation goes a long way, while taking a few minutes to clean up the dinner dishes will speak love and encouragement to those who need acts of service. Learn to speak your partner’s love language and your love will grow exponentially. 5. Know each other's Erotic Blueprints Did you know, there are also five Erotic Blueprints, or languages, that can grow your intimacy? The Erotic Blueprints are a simple way of understanding and expressing each other’s “native language" when it comes to intimacy and pleasure. With the Erotic Blueprints, you learn the language and vocabulary to be able to ‘speak’ pleasure fluently so you can experience next-level pleasure and the epic fulfillment and delight you crave. But more than just being able to communicate this well, the Erotic Blueprints help you understand yourself physically and emotionally so you can feel safe and fulfilled with your partner. Fellow Oola Life Coach and certified sex (and trauma-informed) coach, Kristin Warnaca, has a brilliant eBook on understanding the five Erotic Blueprints. Download your free copy here. 6. Talk openly about money In an era where nearly half of all marriages end in divorce, one of the leading causes is stress over finances. According to Forbes, household debt has grown for ten consecutive quarters, as of the third quarter of 2021. The amount of consumer, medical, and student debt is increasing at a rapid rate and has become a weight that many couples can no longer bear.
Instead of waiting until the stress leads to a blow up, take time at the end of the month to discuss what your finances look like for the upcoming month. There is no such thing as a perfect budget because our expenses change each month. Sometimes, just a simple conversation to intentionally get on the same page for what is coming up can make the difference between unity and strife.
One of the best systems I have found for a sustainable financial plan is Oola’s Green Gap program: five simple steps to living debt-free, investing for your future, and having fun along the way. Click here to learn
more.
7. Make time for fun, make time for you!
Speaking of fun, do you make intentional time for just having fun with your partner? That could be weekly date nights of free fun exploring a new area of your city, going on a
walk after dinner, or watching a favorite show. Few things are more tragic than a couple destined to grow old together, but instead are growing apart. Look at the week ahead, and set aside intentional time to connect, laugh, and play.
Also, make time for only you. When you feel more rested and balanced, you’ll feel able to be more loving and patient with the one you love. Personal care is one of the most underrated, yet critical aspects of being a better partner.
Whether that looks like making time for a hobby, nurturing healthy friendships in your life, or simply spending time alone in nature, take time to do things that fill you up and leave you feeling refreshed.
If you’d like some ideas around how to do that, here is a 14-day self-love challenge and printable guide. You and your partner are worth it!
Joel Haasenritter, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Joel Haasenritter is a transformation specialist who helps people in their 30's and 40's, struggling in times of transition, to find balance, growth, and purpose, so they can absolutely crush the next chapter of their lives! After nearly 20 years of owning a highly sought after company serving high-profile clients across the southeast, starting and growing multiple businesses, and coaching a development team to bring their invention to market, Joel turned his life's passion toward helping others live at their highest potential. In addition to his one-on-one coaching services, he is a founding Ambassador with Oola Global, which recently launched a revolutionary personal development digital platform in over 40 countries with the sole mission of impacting one billion lives in the next seven years. His interests include exploring the hiking trails of Arizona, studying the art of Gracie Jiujitsu, and spending time with his family.
