Written by: Alison Rothman, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I have been thinking a lot about self-sabotage and our human tendencies to interfere with our own state of happiness, success, love, and forward momentum.
A disclaimer before I go any further…
I definitely do not have any “magic” answers in this vein, nor is this issue a one-size-fits-all in our unique and individual experiences. Rather, my intention in writing this article is to open up the dialogue and to prompt you, the readers, to dig deeper into your own psyche and patterns of moving through life.
Perhaps, with gleaning some insight, you will have the impetus to break through some cycles of self-sabotage and create a deeper ridge of enhancement in your lives.
I am also absolutely *not* suggesting that we are bypassing our process of life. I write often about showing up in all of our human form… all flavors and textures. My blog, is loaded with content in that vein.
I believe with every ounce of my being that it is crucial to feel our feelings in order to heal them. What I am referring to are those moments in life when we are feeling joyful, loving, open, and aligned in ourselves and then, poof, we create some reason to close our hearts, create a ripple in our relationships, and overall interrupt the flow of love.
What I can share is what I have witnessed in myself time and time again as well as what I have seen over the years in clients.
To me, the root cause of self-sabotage is FEAR. Fear of feeling good, fear of allowing ourselves to progress in life, fear of love, fear of authentic connection with self and other, fear of the unknown…the list goes on and on.
What we are actually afraid of is crucial to explore in ourselves in order to break the cycle of self-sabotage that so many recapitulate consciously or unconsciously.
You know those moments in your life when you are feeling solid, connected, productive, and as though all is flowing beautifully and then something jumps in that deters you from fully feeling this state of being? Those moments in your relationships when things are smooth and loving and an inner switch goes off prompting an argument about something so benign and unimportant setting into motion unnecessary drama, zapping your energy, and causing a rift between you?
Or, those times when you may be feeling strong and healthy in your body, feeling really good in yourself, and, again, something within you is jarred and propels you to choose to do something that interferes with your health and well-being?
On a personal level, I think about the days when I was in the thick of some debilitating eating patterns… those moments of true dis-ease, disconnect, and vulnerability.
I was striving for balance and ground in myself and in my capacity to nourish my body without punishment. I can remember those moments of feeling pretty darn good… connected to myself, eating “well”, and overall taking good care on every level.
All it would take was one comment from someone about how I looked good or healthy or happy or thin to send me spiraling into a food obsessive hole. It was as if I literally *could not* allow myself to feel empowered and content, and dare I say *good* in myself before I had to do something, anything, to give me a reason to struggle and suffer.
While I am no longer in that space with myself or at that level in my relationship to myself, the patterns of self-sabotage are certainly not gone and show up in the sneakiest of ways. Those moments when life is moving and grooving, flowing beautifully…I am feeling strong, clear, connected, grateful, and upright in my own spine… and, then, the saboteur in me shows up.
Why?
It’s as if *she* is uncomfortable with those feelings of enhancement from deep within. Uncomfortable without the struggle and efforts and dips and dives. She *loves* to be at the reigns of my existence as she was for so long.
Yet, what I recognize in myself and in those I am blessed to connect with in their own dissection of their unique imprint of this human life, is that there is always an opportunity to choose differently. To *not* give the reigns to that saboteur, and rather, consistently, diligently, gently, and FIERCELY turn the power to our higher selves.
To our empowered and embodied and aligned selves.
To give ourselves permission to feel the goodness in the moments when it is bubbling.
To not interfere with our human birthright of joy, abundance, happiness, and success.
And, when our lovely saboteur nudges us in a state of panic or persuasion otherwise, we can put our hand on our own weary hearts, stand upright even taller, take those deep belly breaths, give thanks for her concern and choose to keep stepping forward on our path of healing, of growth, of empowerment, of aliveness.
Perhaps this offering is an invitation for you to get curious about your own patterns of self-sabotage and to begin to interrupt the cycles through your own depth of inner awareness.
Below are some questions to ask yourselves, to journal about, to meditate with, and to simmer within those moments of feeling the pull down when you are on an upward track of life:
Why do we sabotage our own best efforts and what can we do to move past/through this pattern?
What role does sabotage play in our lives? How does it serve us?
Why is it so hard to hold onto that feeling of good? Of contentment? Why is that so uncomfortable?
Why is feeling “good” so scary for so many? Especially those who are used to the suffering…
Why, when things start opening up, do we shut them down/shut ourselves down?
These questions have been swirling around in me for years, I see this pattern regularly in clients, and seem to be magnified during these times. I encourage you to spend some time in inquiry with yourself around these questions, especially if you find yourself swirling in these patterns of sabotage.
Write about them, sit with them, get curious about them, bring awareness to them.
Check in with your body while you are dancing with this information. How do you feel in your physical body and in your heart? Can you name any feelings or sensations?
The final step in this process is to actually take even one step forward, past the fear, towards the spaciousness, the goodness, the love… with loads of deep belly breaths and an unwavering commitment and connection to self.
I will end with these words: Self-sabotage is truly a human epidemic. Everyone does it at some point in their lives. As we begin to unravel these patterns in ourselves, it is crucial to be compassionate and loving with our wounded selves. These are the moments to pour on self-love, be gentle and kind with ourselves, and yield to this new way of living and being.
If you need support, please reach out. I would be honored to be a guide in your human unfolding. For all Brainz readers, feel free to use the code, BRAINZLOVE, at checkout for 10% off all coaching sessions and programs.
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin or visit my website for more info!
Alison Rothman, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Alison Rothman MA CYT, is a Body-Centered Holistic Wellness Coach and Transformational Group Facilitator with 25+ years of study and experiences in somatic healing arts and therapy, yoga and meditation, authentic embodiment, and holistic healing. Through her extensive studies, practices, and experiences she provides clients and students with the ability to tap into their innate inner resource and release debilitating life patterns in order to access their truth, power, and reclaim their body, mind, heart, and soul connection.
Alison is passionate about supporting and empowering women to unwind their nervous systems, make peace with their bodies, and remember who they truly are.
She has survived several highly traumatizing life events including a house fire and a near death experience. Additionally, Alison has navigated divorce and single motherhood for over a decade, utilizing her practices in support of her own embodiment during times of stress and challenge.
She carries with her an embodied understanding of the wisdom and intelligence of the body and brings to her sessions, groups, and writing a deep intimacy with herself, her own process of life experiences, and a passion for supporting and inspiring others in utilizing the magic of everyday living as medicine for growth and healing.
Alison is an expert in the realm of trauma, eating disorder and addiction recovery, body image issues, and utilizing holistic wellness practices to attain sustainable, embodied, and empowered healing.
In addition to her one-on-one work she facilitates retreats, runs women’s groups (both virtual and in person), writes, speaks and is the host of the podcast "Embodied and Awake." She lives in beautiful Boulder, Colorado with her 13-year old son.
