Yolan Bedasse started her corporate career 10+ years ago and understands first hand the struggles of navigating a stressful job and the pressures of every day life. She’s been the woman whose image of a “put together life” actually required a careful dance of being kept awake at 2am by her own thoughts and never asking for help.
Have you ever been told that you need others to love you? Or maybe you have the impression that loving yourself is all about material things. Society has conditioned us to focus on external validation, pour more into others than ourselves, and practice surface-level self-care. But what if it’s more than that? Keep reading to discover what you can start doing to show yourself a little love today.
1. What is self-love?
I think of self-love as self-care’s older wiser sister. Is that weird? Remember the days when it seemed we’d log on to social media and be bombarded with content urging us to practice self- care in the form of vacations and spa treatments? Don’t get me wrong, I love those! I could get lured to my death on the promise of an 80-minute massage and facial combo.
But in recent years, I’ve seen a shift or spin on self-care. Now the focus is on inner work as well. Understanding that loving yourself means doing the difficult work of being self-aware, taking care of your finances, and not waiting on someone else to love you as you deserve.
Here are ten things you can do for yourself today out of love:
2. Give yourself time to rest & reset
You are the first person to know what you need when you need it. And sometimes we are not very good at pressing pause and giving ourselves the space to just be and rest. Life waits for no man, neither do bills and obligations. But we are all human and we need to permit ourselves to take breaks. If you find this difficult to do, then let me do it for you - I’m giving you permission to take a beat and just rest. Remember resting is productive. You are giving your body the time to reset and heal. One way I do this is to take myself out of my regular environment and go on a relaxing solo getaway.
3. Small gestures
You can’t take a vacation every week, it’s just not feasible for most of us. But there are small things we can do for ourselves each day to remind us that we are loved. What that looks like depends on you. For instance, I love slow mornings, and aesthetic vibes and need space to recharge my social batteries. So I always start my mornings at least an hour earlier than needed, buy myself flowers, and plan lazy days after a particularly busy social week. What is something you can do that your future self would thank you for?
4. Mind your money
I rarely see budgeting and self-love topics grouped. But the reality is to love ourselves is to take care of ourselves and being on top of our finances is part of that. You don’t have to be rich to start building money habits today that will set you up for a better tomorrow. Again, think of it as making sure the next version of you is in a better position. Read more here on 5 Things I Would Tell 25 Year Old Me About Money Habits.
5. You can do hard things
Self-love is also about constantly learning so we can grow as individuals. So read the books, go to therapy, invest in that coach. Sometimes it takes a person on the outside looking in to shift our perspective. We don’t know what we don’t know. I truly believe the greatest thing we can do for ourselves in this life is to stay curious about who we are and the world we live in. So be open, always be ready to receive, and be willing to adjust.
6. Be intentional with your physical space + your energy
We need to be mindful of who we allow into our lives and homes. You are the only person obligated to look after you so protect yourself. Make sure you are aware of not only who you allow around you but also what you allow them to know about you. Now I’ll admit, being vulnerable is a new journey for me. I am a recovering Miss Independent and Queen of never sharing anything with anyone. But I also don’t believe I need to completely kill my skepticism. I just need to be wise about it, and so should you. You deserve to be surrounded by those who speak life into you, share your successes, mourn your losses, and sit with you in your failures.
7. Boundaries
While we’re on the topic of people in our lives. Nothing says protecting your peace like creating and maintaining boundaries. I know there are so many articles and experts on ways to go about doing this. But I just want to say that I know it’s not easy to do, especially with loved ones but it’s worth it. And if the thought of setting up boundaries makes you want to hyperventilate, I understand. But like I said in my article, feeling fearless is a scam.
8. Romanticize your life a little - go on solo dates
One of the things I’m embracing the older I get is to not wait on someone else to do the things I want to do. I’m not saying you should do everything solo and isolate yourself. But the person you will undoubtedly spend the most time with on this earth is yourself. So make the most of it and every once in a while, plan a solo date. Need some ideas? I’ve got you. Check out some solo date ideas here.
9. Be patient with yourself
Show yourself a little grace, this is your first time here (unless you believe in reincarnation). Then it’s your first time here, in this exact moment, in this body. The point is, we all don’t have a clue what we are doing. And yet, in difficult moments some of the harshest things we hear come from our self-talk. If we don’t give ourselves the grace we need, who will? Please, when things don’t go as expected, promise me you’ll speak kindly to yourself.
10. Ask for help
I don’t know about you, but one of the hardest things for me to do is ask for help. Funny enough, it’s something I used to be proud of but now I know better. Listen, we’re human, we all need a little help from time to time. My coach once said to me “Think of how good you feel when someone you love allows you to help them. Every time you choose to handle things on your own, you potentially rob the people you love of that joy”. Now I’m not telling you to
become 100% dependent on others. That’s a no-thank you from me. But when you need it? Definitely. Sometimes the help can come from family and friends. But other times, you need outside help and that’s okay. It’s one of the reasons I became a life coach. I love creating that space where my clients can come to our sessions and know for that allotted time, it’s all about them and how I can support them. Interested to learn more about me and my coaching services? Book a call to learn more.
Self-love is such a broad topic and we all have our spin on it. I’m here to remind you that you are the person you have to live with forever: guaranteed. So look after yourself, friend. Let me know if you tried any of the tips above and what you think. Come say hi on my Instagram.
Yolan Bedasse, Life Coach: Boundaries & Self Love
Yolan is a certified life coach and loves all things that exude cozy, homey vibes. She started her corporate career 10+ years ago and understands first hand the struggles of navigating a stressful job and the pressures of every day life. She’s been the woman whose image of a “put together life” actually required a careful dance of being kept awake at 2am by her own thoughts and never asking for help. In 2022, she became a certified life coach with the goal of helping women who also know this struggle. Her fellow hyper independent, over-thinkers who want to be self assured, get into a loving relationship with the word no and wear their imperfections proudly. All while finding little moments to exhale.
