Written by: Merrill Isherwood, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Is living a disciplined life a positive trait?
The realisation being disciplined is a good thing for me only hit home a few weeks ago.
The definition of discipline is described by the Collins and Oxford dictionaries respectively as: ‘Discipline is the practice of making people obey rules or standards of behaviour and punishing them when they do not’ (https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/discipline), and ‘The practice of training people to obey rules and orders and punishing them if they do not; the controlled behaviour or situation that is the result of this training’ (https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/discipline_1)
Being raised by a naval reservist whose military precision was at the very core of who he was, was considered normal for us children. Us three daughters were raised by our father as though we were his latest naval recruits. Although he was not the most present of fathers, his command over the household pervaded every aspect of our lives.
Respect for others as well as oneself was drilled into us from a very young age.
There was no chance of slouching around or relaxing. We were regularly reminded “the devil finds work for idle hands’’, so better you do something useful . I very quickly learned nothing was done ‘for fun’. Everything had a purpose to it with an expected end-result, otherwise it was not important enough to waste your time or energy on.
We attended ballet lessons from a very early age, which cemented our self-discipline, in both the physical exercise aspect, and creating an awareness of our physical bodies. Being painstakingly aware of the specific height to weight ratio required for dancers, all treats such as waffles, ice-cream, or sweets were heavily restricted from around nine years old.
Becoming a professional dancer, much to my Mother’s delight, was seen by all as a natural progression for me. The pressure in the company was immense, especially regarding weight, and unfortunately my hormones did not play ball. The reduction from five hours of strenuous exercise per day at school, to just over an hour’s class was massive. We rehearsed after class but much time was spent watching others until it was our turn. With my energy output drastically reduced, surging oestrogen, with reduced testosterone began affecting my physique. I was experiencing puberty at the age of seventeen years.
My weight remained static, but despite dramatically reducing my caloric intake, my hips filled out, my tummy thickened and my breasts developed ( a ‘no-no’ in the ballet world). The ballet mistress and artistic director were putting pressure on me, saying hurtful , things to me about my size in front of my fellow dancers, all the while not knowing I was living on an apple and two cups of black coffee a day.
I began starving myself for days, then eating a chocolate to get me through class or a performance when I was feeling weak. I started abusing laxatives to purge myself of the bit of food I’d eaten, starving, and purging as self-inflicted punishment for needing to eat, but needing to be thin. I could control myself. I was ‘disciplining myself to an extreme.
I left the company, no longer able to deal with the criticism and threats of being fired. I exercised frantically to the point of collapse. I attempted suicide because I felt I had disappointed my Mum and so many others.
I eventually conquered the bulimia after a near-death experience and established a healthy relationship with food. I ate a good meal once a day, never over-indulged , but did allow a treat every now and then. I controlled myself.
A disciplined life
Every aspect of my life was disciplined. To err from that path felt weak and pathetic. The principle of never being idle persisted. I could not sit still and any activity I did had to have a productive outcome. The only exception was going to the movies, my safe haven for a short time where I could switch off from the world and no-one expected anything from me.
I pushed myself ever harder at work, trying to prove myself to everyone around me because they never seemed satisfied with my performance. I burnt myself out, time and again giving them all reason to point their fingers at how ‘weak’ I was.
Eventually I left permanent employment because I was so ill, so tired, so broken emotionally, mentally, and physically. The question I asked myself was; I recognised my hard work, the pushing myself beyond my limit…. why couldn’t they?
My discipline was my own downfall. For once in my life, I fought back. I removed myself from the toxic environment I was in.
It took two years of introspection and forcing myself to be kind to myself. Physically I slowed down, emotionally I removed everything in my life that caused me stress, anxiety, doubt, or fear. I learned to look at my role in these experiences.
I had been torn apart by peoples’ needs to wield power over me, being tested beyond any person’s limitations. At the same time though, I could not believe what I had allowed people to put me through. I did nothing to stop them Why not?
I realised it was because I believed that what I wanted, felt, enjoyed, or disliked, had no place in my life. My wants and needs did not matter. I did not matter, not to them, to anyone else, and worst of all, not even to me.
How could I have allowed myself to relinquish control of my life like that? Did I think so little of myself that I allowed everyone ese to use me like they did?
The answer to that question was an unreserved “Yes”! I had no control over my life growing up, I had no idea how to control my life. Is that not pathetic?
The more I contemplated that, the word changed to tragic.
So many people in my life had been willing to take from me until I was completely depleted – mind, body, and soul. They saw what it was doing to me yet continued unashamedly.
I determined it would never happen again.
Recently I went through a stage of ‘who cares ‘. Who cares what I look like? Who cares if I get fat? Who cares about what I do? I started eating all my favourite things, I started relaxing more, I drank more, I watched more TV, I vegetated on the couch. I was experiencing a lack of discipline. It was awesome.
Then, my middle started thickening, my clothes got tighter, I was picking up weight. I continued down the slippery slope of lethargy, with a laissez-faire attitude.
Thankfully, a few weeks later, I put on my favourite slacks which were so tight, the realisation hit. I had no-one disciplining me but look at the consequences. Is this how I want to live? The answer was a resounding ‘no!’ Although I was in control, my discipline had stopped. I had allowed myself to let go, with no direction, no purpose, and look at the consequences.
It’s true. It makes no difference to anyone else what I look like, feel like, wear or what I do. That is the reality of life.
The person it does affect, however, is me. I am the one feeling guilty if I am not doing my best, the one feeling lazy lounging around all day, the one getting fatter because of the inactivity.
So, I pulled myself together, acknowledged I was raised strictly and had felt hard-done-by, but in reality, I am very grateful.
The discipline instilled in me is the backbone of who I am, it works for me., it drives me to be a better person every day, it makes me feel good about myself. No-one except me is holding me to a higher standard now, and that feels great.
Discipline at all ages is good, bringing order and structure to our lives, but where it is carried to the extreme, pushing one to either physical, mental, or emotional, it needs to be managed.
Choose wisely the type of lifestyle you want and live it well.
Merrill Isherwood, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Merrill Isherwood is a life transformation coach who has spent much of her life being of service to others in the corporate world and her personal life. She has an exemplary work ethic and is driven by living a life of integrity, having honesty, kindness, trust, and respect as her core values. Her psychological counseling degree, supported by her accreditation in life coaching, allows her to ensure her clients are suitably supported in transforming their lives. She specializes in body image, lack of self-esteem, overcoming abusive or toxic relationships, finding life direction, forgiveness, and overcoming adversity. To her, a life well lived means making a difference in each person's life that you are fortunate enough to touch, even if only in the smallest way possible.
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