Written by: Sharleen Beaumont, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Abandonment of self is a common struggle for many people. It refers to neglecting one's needs, feelings, and desires to please others or seek approval. Abandonment can manifest in various ways, from constant people-pleasing to neglecting your physical or emotional well-being.
Could this be you?
It is not uncommon for individuals to lead successful lives on the outside while feeling a deep sense of abandonment. They may have achieved extraordinary success, a thriving social life, and all the material possessions they desire. Despite these external markers of success, they may still feel unfulfilled and disconnected from their true selves. Working with a professional who can see beyond appearances and recognize that success and happiness are not always synonymous is vital.
Overcoming abandonment of self requires taking a deeper look at our values, needs, and desires, and learning to prioritize our well-being, regardless of external markers of success.
The root cause of abandonment of self is often a lack of self-worth and self-esteem. When we don't value ourselves, we may feel like we're not worthy of love, attention, or care. We may also feel like we need to earn love and approval from others, leading us to neglect our own needs.
Building self-worth and self-esteem is essential to overcome self-abandonment. We can do this by practicing self-care, learning to say "no," and setting boundaries. Boundaries are the limits we select for ourselves and others to define what is and isn't acceptable behaviour. They help us protect our time, energy, and emotional well-being, and they also help to communicate what we value.
Six Steps to Setting Boundaries
Identify your needs and values: Before you can set boundaries, you need to know what you stand for and need to feel fulfilled and happy. To do this, reflect on your values, needs, and priorities. (I have a value list that I go over with clients)
Communicate your boundaries: Once you know them, it's important to communicate them to others. Be clear and assertive about what you will and won't tolerate without being aggressive or passive.
Practice self-care: Self-care is essential to setting boundaries, as it helps you recharge and regain your energy. Make sure you're taking care of yourself, both physically and emotionally.
Be consistent: Consistency is critical when it comes to setting boundaries. It's important to follow through on your boundaries, even if it means saying "no" to someone you care about or facing negative consequences.
Be flexible: While consistency is necessary, be open to adjusting your boundaries over time.
Seek support: From trusted friends, family, therapist or coach. They can encourage and support you to set and maintain healthy boundaries.
It's also vital to work on developing a positive self-image, which we can do through affirmations, visualization, mindfulness practices and rewriting past stories.
Another critical step in overcoming abandonment of self is learning to be honest with yourself and others. We want to be true to ourselves and express our needs and desires, even at the risk of rejection or disapproval. It also means learning to accept and love yourself, flaws and all.
Abandonment of self can leave individuals feeling lost, disconnected, and unfulfilled. It can lead to emptiness and a constant yearning for external validation or approval. When we neglect our needs and desires, we may feel like we're living someone else's life rather than ours. The result can be feelings of frustration, anger, and sadness, ultimately leading to burnout and loss of purpose. Awareness of the impact of abandonment of self has on our emotions and well-being is the first step in overcoming it. By focusing on our needs and desires and setting healthy boundaries, we can reclaim our lives and find joy, fulfillment, and a sense of purpose.
Lastly, it's essential to surround ourselves with supportive people who will facilitate and support us in being true to ourselves. We may have to let go of relationships that don't align with who we are becoming and seek new connections with people who value and accept us today.
Abandonment of self is a common issue that many people struggle with. Remember that loving and caring for yourself is not a luxury but necessary for a happy and fulfilled life.
Do you know someone who needs help with a life transition? Brave New Ending offers a one-to-one six-month program. By the end of the program, you will have a better understanding of your own life, a map and new tools to which you can bravely move forward in a consistent and empowered way.
Sharleen Beaumont, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sharleen Beaumont is an EQ Master Empowerment Coach and Founder of Brave New Ending.
She helps clients get unstuck from their stories and manage their emotions. Her clients re-imagine their life, connect with their highest self utilizing the foundation of all change; emotions!
After graduating from University, Sharleen's career began in Victim Services. She then became a Certified Mediator, and Mediated for her Community and Courts. Her career moved to Corporate Communications and Consulting, working globally. Next, she stepped into an Entrepreneurial life, helping take a new company to the multi-million dollar level. Deciding to live life on purpose, she received her Master Empowerment Coach certification and started Brave New Ending.
Brave- a strength of character, courageous, faces fear, determined, passionate, on purpose.
New Ending-keeps the end goal in mind to write their next chapter and life story.
