Written by: Daniel Van der Pluym, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
When you hear the word “life story,” what do you think of? What thoughts come up for you when you think about the story of your own life? A life narrative is a story about a person’s life. The story of someone's life can be told through the lens of the individual recounting their own story and also through the eyes of those closest to the person. The narrative is not only the facts about a person's life circumstances, but also the meaning and feelings derived from the story. Like any story or narrative, the meaning can hold different types of significance for each witness to the story. For example, a person who grew up in a post-war family experiencing hardship, may view their own challenging life events as being tragic, sad, or a struggle. However, in the eyes of another, these events and the plight of the individual surviving in a post-war family, may be seen as resilient, courageous and perhaps as a story of survival, therefore holding a different meaning. Which view is more correct? Well perhaps neither view is perfectly correct, nor incorrect.
While there may be an objective truth about the events of one's life, there is also an opportunity to create a subjective meaning, or a biased narrative about the meaning interpreted from those events. Many people think about how other people have changed their life stories to be more positive and may believe it is not possible to transform their own lives. Others may think, ‘it is only for others.’ They may believe you should not change your life story, that you are NOT meant to have a bright, happy future. They may believe you are not meant to be happy and the world is not meant to be a happy place. It is easy to assume that you are who you think you are and that others see you the way you see yourself. It's easy to assume that if you act a certain way, then others will respond in a predictable way. This is an assumption that you may need to challenge if you're looking to change your narrative. In this article, we will uncover just how flexible your life narrative can be, the importance of choosing a fulfilling narrative and how to take action to change it.
Why the narrative is important? Narrative Work and Satisfaction with Life
In your later years when reflecting, what would you like to believe about your life story? How might those beliefs impact the level of satisfaction with your life? To help you address these questions, it might be worth considering how your current life story is impacting your quality of life now. A range of evidence has found that doing life narrative work can have a positive impact on improving depressive states and overall quality of life. Much of this research has focused on older adults, who are at a stage where piecing the narrative together can provide a sense of retrospective meaning about their lives. Other research involving adult groups with aphasia found that narrative interventions significantly improved quality of life and depressive experiences. Specifically, through helping people piece together the events of their lives, they were able to rebuild a stronger sense of self identity.
Your life narrative is not fixed
What if your narrative, the story that you tell yourself about who you are and what you can do with your life, wasn’t as fixed as you had once thought? There is a myth that we can't shape our destiny, or that it is predetermined. That couldn't be farther from the truth. The narrative deeply embedded in your mind is based on the experiences you have had and what you think about them. In reality, the story you tell yourself about your life is really just a theory. You can change your story in a number of ways that we will explore throughout this article. Generally, to be able to change one's narrative, there are elements of courage and confrontation involved. The willingness to choose a different meaning from one's story requires a level of courage in choosing an unfamiliar path, and also the ability to confront some of the unhelpful belief systems surrounding the existing narrative.
New research suggests that changing our stories is not only possible, it may be easier than we ever imagined. Research on memory has proven people can change the way they view their stories. When we learn something new, our stories line up with the new facts, and our perceptions and feelings change alongside the new information. Narrative research shows that the same is true for our lives, by creating new experiences, we have the ability to change our perceptions and feelings about our own lives. Knowing our stories and changing the narrative is what will help us to create a life that is potentially more meaningful.
Letting Go of The Struggle Narrative
You might be wondering if it's possible to change your narrative if the same circumstances continue to play out in your life? When people are unable to change their circumstances, or in a position of powerlessness, it may seem like the narrative will remain fixed. The transition to a new narrative may also pose itself as a difficult and risky process. Often it requires a deep transformation of what the individual derives meaning from in their lives. There may be a strong level of meaning attached to stories of struggle and hardship and an ingrained identity surrounding the narrative. The identity attached to being someone who struggles can be difficult to let go of as it is a pivotal part of who that person is. Moreover, many individuals who have experienced trauma and struggle have been supported as survivors. There is often a level of meaning created through their connection to the individuals around them who are attached to the supporting role. This can be extremely difficult for individuals to let go of and they may have to work through the emotions attached to their struggle in order to form a new narrative.
How do we create a new narrative?
Success often starts as failure
Surprising as it may seem, some of the world’s most successful people in history started out failing something. Did you know that Steve Jobs was fired from the very first company he worked at; or that Bill Gates was a Harvard drop out? Or you may not have known that Einstein couldn’t speak fluently until the age of nine and he was expelled from early school – or that Michael Jordan was cut from his first high school basketball team.
So what led to the success of these amazing people?
What they all seem to attest to is that the experience of failing at something provided a catalyst for their brilliance. As Einstein himself said “Success is failure in progress.” For these people, their story did not stop at failure. They chose to create their story beyond failure. This really is a common and necessary narrative. The story of birth, stability, major crisis/disaster, struggle, rebirth and actualisation.
The steps involved
The first part of being able to consciously and actively change your narrative is being aware of the stories you believe about your life and how they impact your experiences in the world. Through this awareness there is an opportunity to consciously choose whether you wish to continue entertaining the same story, or whether there is a way to make a different choice. To create new experiences it requires the courage to make a new, different decision. Doing this can bring about fear and uncertainty, as it requires stepping into an unfamiliar territory. For the transition towards a new narrative to be stable, perhaps it is necessary to manage the loss or perceived threat of loss of a default way of living in the world. This loss and process of transition can often be experienced as a crisis, as something to be overcome. If the loss is experienced in a positive way, then a new way of living can be developed.
Take a new approach
Taking a different course of action is one of the most powerful ways to change your ingrained beliefs about your life. By doing something that you would not normally do, you can create a different experience of life. For example, if you are someone who has had a history of poor health and you truly believe that poor health is an unchangeable condition in your life, you may be likely to act in accordance with this belief, and not engage in healthy behaviours. However, if you decided to take up an exercise class, or try a new healthy cooking recipe for instance, you may end up creating a different experience around your health. If you experienced success with your exercise class or new recipe, it could be the catalyst to adopt a new belief around your health narrative and outcome. Research has revealed that there is greater satisfaction with life for those who curiously seek new, novel experiences. These experiences can be transformative and allow us to develop new beliefs about our lives.
How a coach can help you with your narrative
A life coach can help people with anything from personal relationships to career decisions. They're not therapists, but they do give advice and support. A coach can help create a new narrative by guiding you through the practical steps to create the necessary changes in your life. They can provide accountability and support, as well as challenge you to think about things in a different way. Deeper Potential Coaching works with a range of people to identify how their narrative may be impacting their lives and how it can be transformed into a strength.
Seek mental health support or therapy
Mental health support is a vital part of changing your life narrative. When you are struggling, it can be difficult to see things from a new perspective. A therapist can help you to explore the stories you tell yourself about your life, and how they are impacting your experiences. They can provide guidance and support as you work through the emotions attached to your old story, and help you to form a new narrative that is more in line with who you want to be. With the help of a therapist, you can make significant progress in rewriting your story.
What types of narratives have the best life outcomes
There are many different types of narratives that can lead to a successful life. Some people may believe that the only way to have a good life is to have a rags-to-riches story, where they start off from nothing and eventually make it big. Others may think that you need to be born into a wealthy family in order to be successful. However, there are many different types of narratives that can lead to a happy and fulfilling life.
One important thing to keep in mind is that your narrative does not have to be factual, accurate or even possible for it to be effective. It is the meaning and feeling that you attach to the story that matters most. So if you want to create a new narrative some important things to consider are:
What is important to me?
What am I passionate about?
What are my strengths and talents?
Once you have a good understanding of what is important to you, it becomes easier to craft a story that reflects these values. It is also useful to think about your personal heroes – who are the people you admire most and what are the qualities in them that you admire?
Conclusion
Your life story is not only a factual account of your life, but it can also be interpreted subjectively to create a more fulfilling narrative. The article discusses the importance of a person's life narrative and how it can be flexible enough to be changed. It is important to keep in mind that your narrative does not have to be factual, accurate or even possible for it to be effective. The meaning and feeling that you attach to the story is what matters most.There are supports available to work with you on creating an empowering narrative. A life coach can help a person create a new narrative by guiding them through practical steps. A therapist can also help a person explore the stories they tell themselves about their life and how they are impacting their experiences. There are many different types of narratives that have a successful outcome, so it's important to think about what is important to you and who you look up to most. When crafting your new story, make sure it reflects your values and passions!
About the Author:
Daniel Van der Pluym is the founder of Deeper Potential Coaching and part founder of Create Balance Courses. He is a psychotherapist, certified Life Coach and mindfulness teacher. Through his work, he focuses on helping people overcome their life challenges to create a new story of meaning and fulfilment. His work as a psychotherapist coach and part developer of ADHD Ambition is geared towards helping people overcome self-limiting beliefs about their lives, so they can reach their ultimate potential.
Daniel Van der Pluym, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Daniel Van der Pluym is the founder of Deeper Potential Coaching and part founder of ADHD Ambition. He is a psychotherapist, certified Life Coach and mindfulness teacher. Through his work, he focuses on helping people overcome their life challenges to create a new story of meaning and fulfilment. His work as a psychotherapist coach and part developer of ADHD Ambition is geared towards helping people overcome uncertainty and rumination, so they can reach live with more clarity and fulfillment.
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