Since 2005, Colin Richards has supported over 8,000 clients in enhancing sexual confidence and improving their intimate relationships through sensual treatment, counseling, and workshops. His holistic approach addresses the biological, psychological, and emotional aspects of sexuality, helping individuals and couples find balance to unlock potential.
When single women or couples come to me seeking my guidance, they are often lamenting that their sex life feels unfulfilling. For couples, their intimate moments have morphed into a routine, monotonous affair devoid of imagination and zest. Single women are still in search of the sexual experience they innately feel is available but seems to be so elusive. Much like getting the best out of a fabulous car, good sex relies on the ability of the driver, control, confidence, speed, comfort, style, and character. To truly enjoy the ride, a man must understand his vehicle and have the confidence to drive it in a way that maximizes pleasure for both the driver and the passenger.
What drives our sexual behaviour?
Before diving into the car analogy, let’s explore the influences behind our sexual behaviour. How we approach sex and intimacy is shaped by the attitudes and education we received during our formative years. The way our parents and teachers presented sex to us plays a significant role. Upbringing, culture, and belief systems can either encourage or stifle our sexual awareness and confidence. Without adequate sex education, whether formal or self-taught, we might find ourselves lost on our sexual journey. When partners are similarly sexually restrained, their joint adventure of exploring the exquisite pleasures of intimacy remains elusive.
The impact of comparison and mismatched dynamics
Hearing tales of others' sexual escapades can further erode the confidence of those already dissatisfied. If a new partner's sexual approach starkly differs from our own, it can lead to conflict, leaving both parties unsatisfied. For instance:
Women are struggling to reach orgasm.
Men feel shy or guilty about sex.
Women feel ashamed or bound by cultural expectations.
Men are lacking knowledge and experience or fearing disapproval.
These dynamics often stem from childhood psychology, such as feelings of inadequacy, shame, or guilt. Overcoming these issues requires a partner willing to invest time and confidence in exploring different methods and energies. The passive should become more assertive, the overconfident, more caring, and focused on their partner. The shy should explore, and the nervous should embrace a bit of recklessness.
The driving lessons: Stories of Brad, Simon and Gustav
Let’s illustrate these points with a few characters you might recognize on the sexual highway:
Brad: The fast lane driver
Brad, a hedge fund manager in Canary Wharf, loves the fast-paced, self-indulgent lifestyle his job affords him. However, his inability to maintain a long-term relationship dampens his happiness. Brad loves women and sex, but his approach to intimacy mirrors how he drives his primrose yellow Porsche Cayman: straight onto the M5 motorway, blasting down the fast lane, then asking his female passenger, "Wow, did you enjoy that?" After his high-speed romp, he takes her to his favorite pub, "The Bull in Bush," with his equally non-empathetic mates, leaving her to sip warm Cava and wonder if the journey was about her at all. Fast cars, pints, and pubs are great, but Brad's female passengers soon tire of his one-track approach. His relentless focus on his own pleasure, always in fifth gear, leaves his partners looking for a more considerate driver.
Simon: The slow lane driver
Simon, on the other hand, is Mr. Sensible. He's about to become a partner at his law firm and enjoys hosting friends for meticulously prepared meals. Simon's pride and joy is his Nissan Rogue, which he drives with utmost caution. Every Saturday, he takes it out for a quick spin on the M25, never exceeding the speed limit and sticking to the slow lane. After his routine drive, he returns home for a traditional Sunday roast. Simon's careful driving mirrors his approach to sex. He believes his way is the best way, but his partner longs for excitement—a thrilling ride in a British racing green Jaguar F-type, ending with champagne and oysters by a romantic beach.
Gustav: The hard shoulder guy
And then there's Gustav, who wants to be a better lover for his girlfriend of seven years. He seeks a formulaic approach to female pleasure, akin to reading a road map before hitting the motorway. Gustav is an engineer, and he views the female body as a machine that will respond predictably to the right inputs. He doesn’t realize that women’s sexual desires vary with mood, temperament, and even dietary influences. Women appreciate a blend of approaches—sometimes the fast, assertive touch of a Brad, other times the calm, caring attention of a Simon, and occasionally, the exploratory curiosity of a Gustav.
Shifting gears: Enhancing your sexual skills
Regardless of which character you resonate with, investing time in expanding your skills as a lover will transform your and your partner’s sex life into a more exciting journey. Men, whether straight, gay, or bisexual, should consider what car they drive, how and where they drive it, and their passenger's experience. Incorporate elements from Brad, Simon, and Gustav to create a well-rounded, fulfilling sexual dynamic.
Taking a sensual massage course
By participating in one of the Intimacy Matters Sensual Massage Individual Trainings, a man can become a more versatile driver. These trainings increase your knowledge, confidence, and skills as a lover. By understanding the psychology of sex and mastering the skills of intimate erotic touch, you can become a lover that everyone wants to hitch a ride with. So, don't just aim to be a better driver; why not go for the advanced course or even get an HGV license and become the king of the road?
Conclusion: The road ahead
Sex, like driving, is a journey best enjoyed with an understanding of the vehicle and a willingness to explore. Embrace tempo, longevity, and creativity. Whether you are a fast-lane Brad, a cautious Simon, or an analytical Gustav, blending these traits can lead to a more satisfying and adventurous sexual experience. So buckle up, hit the road, and make every ride memorable!
Read more from Colin James De Courcy Richards
Colin James De Courcy Richards, Somatic Sexologist, Massage & Intimacy Practitioner
Colin Richards, a full-time Sex & Intimacy practitioner since 2005, has worked with over 8,000 clients to improve sexual confidence and address a range of intimate challenges. He offers a variety of services including sensual massage, psychosensual treatments, counseling, and workshops. His humanistic approach integrates biological, psychological and emotional factors to help clients explore their sexual potential. Colin founded Intimacy Matters in 2012, where he has guided many individuals and couples toward deeper intimacy and connection. He regularly publishes articles on sexuality and relationship issues, and conducts public talks, workshops, and social events in London. Colin has been featured extensively on UK national TV & Media.
