Written by: Lilia Ackerman, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I don’t know about you, but I am crazy about love. It hasn’t always been this way though. Thinking about love used to be a nightmare, but now it is one of my favorite topics!
It is such an honor to be with you again to talk about the universal topic called “Love”. I hope this article will inspire you to love like never before. This is Lilia Ackerman – Transformational Relationship Master Coach.
In this article we will see:
The Story of Love
What love is
Love recipe
Evidence that speaks of Healthy Relationships
How to deepen your relationships with your surroundings
If I told you everything about my love story, you wouldn’t just be reading a few lines, but an entire book! Today, I am going to give you some of the highlights of my love story.
Many years ago, I was chasing love like chasing after a balloon on a windy day. Every time I got close to it, it would slip through my fingertips. I remember singing and crying to Etta James’ famous song “At Last” at times where the future of my love life seemed bleak. I finally got sick and tired of getting into relationships that ended in divorce. Desperate and angry after my last divorce, I made a promise to myself that I was going to get to the bottom of this thing called “Love”. I shouted to the heavens “What is love?”. In order to answer this question I had to look within. I had to speak with “Love”. This talk became one of the most meaningful conversations I’ve ever had and it has changed the course of my life.
One year later love came to me unexpectedly, a love that I can call my own, just like in Etta James’ song! I still find myself singing the song from time to time, but now I can sing it with a smile on my face. I am happy to say that my husband and I are still just as in love, if not more, than we were when we met more than eleven years ago! Like any other couple we have our bumps in the road, but together we are able to work through the tough times and remain by each other’s side, walking hand in hand.
The story of Love-Ahav
When I was searching for the meaning of love, I came across a gold mine. I hope my explanation and interpretation opens your mind and gives you a new perspective on love.
As you know, every story has a beginning, and its root. Let’s begin to unravel the universal lesson of love.
The word love in Hebrew is “ahava”, it comes from the root “ahav-”, which means to give. Ahav is made of tree letters: Aleph (it appears twice), Hei, and Beit. To have a better understanding of what I’m about to share, it is important to know that every Hebrew letter has a numerical value.
Description of the word Ahav
Aleph: Symbolizes the ONE and only Eternal Elohim/God. It is silent and represents the Breathing of God in us. Its numeral value is ONE
Hei: Represents Chesed/Grace, and it is highly symbolic. Its numerical value is FIVE.
Top horizontal line is the Realm of thoughts.
Vertical right line is speech. From the abundance of the heart/mind the mouth speaks. Speech comes directly from thought.
The unattached line to the left is deed. It reminds you that actions are connected to your intentions. When you say, or do something for someone, first see what your intentions are, what are your true motives behind why you are doing.
Beit: It symbolizes balance, prosperity, and harmony. The shape of Beit is a house that represents the Two are to walk together. Its numerical value is TWO
Connecting the dots.
When you add the numerical value of the four letters 1+5+1+2, the result is nine. Nine represents the number of Completion, although not a final ending – more like the fulfilment of one cycle so that you can prepare to initiate the next one. It is a recognition of life’s ongoing ebb and flow, and it symbolizes spiritual awakening. When you vibrate at the frequency of love, your life is in total peace, and you have harmony with yourself and your surroundings.
Recap:
Be connected with God/Elohim/spirituality/Higher Power
Concentrate of giving
Check the condition of your heart because thoughts and words. are rooted to the heart.
Reflect on your intentions.
Walking together in agreement; prosperity, balance and harmony will follow
Amazing right?
Spiritual vision of love.
Love is Patient, kind
Love Does not envy, or boast
It is not proud
It does not insist on its own way
It is not irritable or resentful
It does not dishonor others
It is not self-seeking
It doesn’t rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth
Love bears all things
Believes all things
Hopes all things
Endures all things.
Love never concentrates on flaws
Love is a Personal Choice. Love is not a feeling that comes and goes, nor is it an emotion. Love is a personal choice, where you decide when to love, and when to stop loving. See? It is not as complicated as you think!
People confuse love very often with infatuation. Infatuation is a temporary feeling, it is when dopamine generates an over activation of the limbic system, reducing the activity of the prefrontal cortex. This makes you not act in a logical and consistent way.
Love Recipe
Follow the recipe – You will be thrilled by the outcome
1. Be connected to your Spirituality – Spirituality is connected with every single area of your life, not just in relationships, or love. It also has a strong connection with success, and money.
In my previous article “The Way to Strong Relationships”, I shared more about the key of spirituality, so please take some time to read it, it will be very helpful to understand and master love. The more you relate to your spirituality, the more your senses are open to view love from a unique perspective that may help you to build strong and long lasting relationships.
Take into consideration that my perspective of spirituality/God/Elohim is from my personal experience. It is not my place to tell you what to believe, or not to believe, but if I don’t share one of the most valuable keys that led me and many others to harmony and life success, I will leave you incomplete. In the end you are the one who is going to decide what to take, and what to leave. My invitation to you is to explore your inner Universe and be connected to your spirituality. The bottom line of spirituality is the recognition of a feeling, sensation, or belief that there is something greater than oneself, and that this greater whole is of a divine nature.
2. Be Committed – Commitment speaks of emotional maturity. It is the conscious decision to move your relationship forward into something more permanent. Commitment helps to cultivate the relationship in good and troubled times through different expressions of love. Commitment will help you to restore the relationship on a daily basis, meaning it doesn’t matter what went wrong on that day, there is always room to move on, and start fresh.
3. Develop a deep friendship – A friendship where you feel comfortable being authentic, and where you don’t have to pretend to be someone else. This is based on trust and respect.
4. Care about the welfare of others – Love doesn’t concentrate on oneself but rather focuses on others. It is about serving with the best intentions. Love is more concerned about giving than receiving, it rejoices in giving.
The key to providing well-being to others is to find emotional welfare with oneself through developing the ability to control your emotions, and achieve a spiritual, mental, emotional and physical balance.
Evidence that speaks of healthy relationships
the following list came from gathering my own evidence through the results of former clients that came to me lost and confused with their relationships, but left with a clear mind, restoring what they thought was lost, and many found their soulmate.
Taking your partner/family into account for activities you are doing together.
Be available to your partner/family in times of stress.
Listen to others when they want to share something that is important to them. Respectfully listen to their point of view without rushing to judge them or making sarcastic comments. Recognize the moment in which the dialogue is heading towards a discussion to act on time, and with a positive attitude to finish the topic. Accept that there are issues that are not worth talking about if they are going to create conflict.
At the beginning of my relationship with my Husband, I realized that we could not talk about religion, because we had very different ideas and certain points were very extreme. We agreed that we were going to respect our ideals and drop the subject for peace. After twelve years we have resumed the subject and surprisingly we notice that we can talk and enjoy the conversation despite continuing to have different points.
Over the years people go through personal growth, life experiences that help them grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
Throughout history, most cultures have not given men the same opportunity to express their emotions as we women. This causes problems when a man expresses his vulnerability, or cries in front of their partner. Some former clients have shared during our sessions that they have mixed emotions and don't know what to do when they see a man cry, especially their partner. This reaction is very normal because many women didn't have that experience in their families.
So, if you see your man cry or show his emotional vulnerability, there's not much you can say or do but be there for them and give them a safe space to vent their feelings. Stay away from making mocking or sarcastic comments. Give him the space he needs to express his emotions. This helps the growth of the couple, or family.
Respect different points of view, even when you think that their point of view is silly, or stupid.
Even when there are disagreements, and you might not agree with what is happening, rather than turn it into a fight, or an argument that can spiral into something more hurtful, first find a way to calm down, then talk about it in a peaceful manner. This is the perfect time to use your creativity to resolve whatever issue you are facing.
Provide shelter, food, and to cover the family’s needs.
Create an environment of peace, and harmony.
Be aware of your partner’s limitations.
Implement healthy boundaries
Robert J. Sternberg Professor of psychology at Cornell University has a very interesting theory called “The Triangular Theory of Love”
The triangular theory of love holds the idea that love can be understood by balancing the following three components; Intimacy, Passion and Decision/Commitment, that together can be viewed as forming the vertices of a triangle. The triangle is used as a metaphor, rather than as a strict geometric model. Each component manifests a different aspect of love.
Intimacy refers to feelings of connectedness. This implies the desire to give, receive, and share.
Passion refers to the drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, and sexual consummation.
Decision/commitment refers to the commitment to maintain the relationship in good and bad moments.
In a similar way you can use the same components to increase resiliency in your relationships with your family, community, and friends with the exception of passion, which in this case it will be a driven passion to serve others vs. feeling like it is an obligation.
Deepen your relationships with your surroundings
Intentionally look for ways to be connected to others.
There are so many ways to serve the community, not just financially, but with your time, and gifts, like volunteering to teach a foreign language, cooking, finances, or whatever your expertise is.
There are many times that you feel obligated to do certain things that you don’t like to do like cooking meals daily, it could turn into a burden that can affect the health of the family dynamic. Add some fun, and creativity to what you don’t like, and give time to grow into it. A long time ago, I didn’t like cooking, I felt like it was tedious, and time consuming, but everything changed when I saw the importance of feeding my little ones healthy home cooked meals. Cooking started growing on me, until I finally felt the enjoyment of doing it. The funny thing is that cooking became my escape after long hours of writing and preparing my workshops. I put loud music, sing, and dance, or listen my favorites podcasts.
Increasing your passion to serve, to give, to impact the world in a positive way can give a different meaning to your life.
Choose to love your family, and friends regardless of their imperfections, or how they perceive the world. Their perception could be very different from yours.
Without love and Commitment it would be almost impossible to go beyond a frivolous relationship.
Some of my favorite quotes
Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend. I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear. – Martin Luther King J.
People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite. – Nelson Mandela
In my 60-Day program “The Way to Strong Relationship”, we dive deep into the 7 Enlightening Keys to help you to build your “RRR”: Ravishing Resilient Relationships. You will never be the same because your inner Universe will be lighting up and ready to write the best chapter of your life!
Here is the link to my signature program “The Way to Strong Relationships”, and together we can build your Ravishing Relationships!
Thank you, and I can’t wait to hear from you, in the meantime I leave you my favorite mantra.
Love More – Forgive More – Lilia Ackerman
My next article “Who Are You When Looking for Love”
Lilia Ackerman, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Lilia Ackerman aka "The Truth Digger" knows that to change your world and experience the abundance of life, it is neccessary to make changes and adjustments in your personal life. She gets to the core of your troubles using her education, knowledge of more than twenty years in the Wellness Industry, her gifted intuition, effective strategies, personal experience overcomming unresolved issues, and rising above rejection, sexual and emotional abused, and her Methodology SHIFT.
