Written by: Vivian Chan, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The Story of 'Wonderfully Different, Wonderfully Me': a children’s book written by Becky Zingale, which celebrates differences and inspires children to love themselves and others just the way they are.
1. The Zingale Family.
When Becky Zingale and her husband, Duane, realized there were no children’s books out there with the type of hearing aid, Bone Anchored Hearing Aids, that their younger daughter is wearing due to a genetic condition, they decided to do something about it, hoping that other children, not only their daughter, can see themselves represented in a story. Becky was inspired to write a meaningful storybook called Wonderfully Different, Wonderfully Me, where children who are born wonderfully different are front and center as the HEROES of the story, and differences are valued and celebrated.
I first met Becky Zingale when we both attended a live business conference, You Are the Brand, hosted by Mike Kim in Denver. I was inspired by the story of the Zingale family. And I had the pleasure to connect with Becky to learn more about how Wonderfully Different, Wonderfully I came to be, what it was like to write and publish a book as a first-time author, and the lessons she’s learned so far. Thank you so much for joining us in this interview! Before we dive in, our readers would love to get to know you a bit better. Take us back to the very beginning. How did you end up where you are? Specifically, we’d love to hear the story that inspired this meaningful children’s book, “Wonderfully Different, Wonderfully Me”.
Several years ago I met a guy named Duane. He has a genetic condition called “Treacher Collins Syndrome,” (TCS) which affects the development of facial bones. It’s the same as the main character in the book/movie “Wonder.” He is missing a few cheekbones. He doesn’t have ears, so he has prosthetic ears, mostly just to hold his glasses, and he has a hearing aid surgically implanted. If he puts a kid on his shoulders, everything falls off, like Mr. Potatohead.
He looks different, but as I got to know him, I realized he is a great guy. And I fell in love with him. But I had to ask myself, how do I feel about marrying someone who looks so different? I prefer to blend in, but he stands out and people stare at him. Yet somehow, he is so confident and comfortable with himself and has a great sense of humor. I realized everything he went through growing up with TCS, shaped his character and personality which made him the man he is today and the man I fell in love with.
We got married and have two daughters. Our younger daughter was born with Treacher Collins Syndrome. However, it was mild compared to Duane’s case. She has a small jaw and is missing a bit of cheekbone. She also wears Bone Anchored Hearing Aids (BAHA) like her Dada. But children do not have a thick enough skull for the BAHA implant surgery, so she wears her BAHAs on a headband.
As a parent, I wanted to normalize hearing aids and sign language for my kids. So, I bought several children’s books with characters who have hearing aids. But my daughter complained, “that’s not what my hearing aid looks like.” We realized there were no children’s books with her type of hearing aid and none with a child who has facial differences. We really wanted her to be able to see herself represented in a book ‒ like “Wonder” but for a younger audience. Unable to find any such books, Duane encouraged me to create the solution, so I began writing our family’s story.
In 2020 our family was featured on the Born Different show, which has had over 1.5 million views. In the comments on YouTube, one of the biggest questions we were asked is, “How do you raise confident kids?” And we realized that our story impacts more than just those who have hearing aids and facial differences.
This inspired me to write “Wonderfully Different, Wonderfully Me,” not only for my own daughter, but so all children can see themselves represented in a story ‒ whether they connect with a character’s personal challenges, physical appearance, interests, or personality. Children not only see their “differences” represented but also see the beautiful things about who they are and who they can become.
2 Becky Zingale, author of “Wonderfully Different, Wonderfully Me,” with her two daughters. Why is it important to be represented in stories?
It is powerful to see ourselves in a story. To know I am not alone. I am not the only one who has felt this or experienced this before. The story helps us see things about ourselves from a different perspective. It helps us make sense of our life experiences and gives us the words to explain our experiences to others.
Most importantly, stories inspire hope for a better future.
For example, when our younger daughter was a newborn – Duane and I read the book “Wonder” and watched the movie. Duane has the same syndrome as the main character “Auggie,” and it was the first time he saw himself represented in a story. He felt as if the author had spied on him and written his story.
I read the book to get an inside look at my husband’s childhood to see the world from his perspective. Also, to see what to expect as a parent, raising a child who has facial differences. I was surprised to also see myself in the story, in a way I had never experienced before ‒ If you look at the cover and all the images of the book/movie, you might not realize that Auggie has a sister ‒ that’s because the siblings tend to get forgotten.
My older sister was in a wheelchair, so I was the overlooked sibling (who didn’t make it on the cover of the book either). The second half of the book “Wonder” is actually written from his sister’s perspective. I really connected with that. It was the first time I saw myself in a story in that way. That put words to my life experiences, as a sibling.
Another example of being represented is my sister’s story. I always start my life story with ‒ my older sister was sick, my little sister was a baby, and I’m the overlooked, forgotten middle child.
Even though my sister’s illness was a defining part of our childhood, it didn’t define her. I never thought of her as “disabled” or had “special needs.” To me, she was just a normal kid who used a wheelchair, until that day at youth group, when our friends prayed for her and she walked.
Recently, I pulled out our childhood books and noticed several included characters with wheelchairs. I realized my parents probably did that intentionally, but as a child, I didn’t notice this theme, because wheelchairs were such a normal part of our lives. Then I re-read “Heidi”. There’s a character who is in a wheelchair and goes to stay with Heidi. In the sunshine and fresh air, she gets healthy. When her dad came to pick her up, she walked out to meet him.
I saw my sister ‒ that day when mom came to pick us up from the youth group and my sister walked to meet her. My older sister had always believed she would be healed, and no doubt reading stories like that inspired hope.
And how is “Wonderfully Different, Wonderfully Me” different from other children’s books out there?
The book is not just different… it’s wonderfully different ;)
All the characters are inspired by real people – including my sister (who is now an adult with a service dog) and various children who we know. I reached out to their parents and asked what words they’d use to describe their child and used those to make affirmation statements throughout the story, such as, “I am kind”, “I am brave.”
I also asked what their child enjoys doing, and had my illustrator show the characters interacting with each other – playing with Legos and drawing pictures. I wanted to show that even though everyone is different, we can find things we have in common and enjoy doing together.
I kept the characters broad and didn’t label any “disability.” The girl who doesn’t have hair – maybe she is being treated for cancer, or maybe she has alopecia (a condition where hair doesn’t grow). The boy with lots of energy – could be ADHD, autism, or maybe he’s just a boy.
I wanted the reader to see the differences, without needing to explain “my daughter doesn’t have cheekbones.” It was very important to find an illustrator who could clearly portray the facial differences of my daughter, as well as the characteristics of down syndrome, and several other differences children experience. What impact do you envision creating with your first children’s book?
It has been incredible to hear stories from families saying how touched they were to see their child represented in a story, and to watch their child’s face light up, recognizing, “that character looks like me!”
Even things I’ve never heard of – a mom saying her daughter has selective mutism and identified with the character who is quiet and timid. I had to google “selective mutism. It’s an “anxiety disorder in which a child experiences a trigger response and is unable to speak in certain situations.” (Psychology Today)
I also wanted to include the often-overlooked siblings, like myself. So, one of the characters is my older daughter, a “super sibling,” helping her little sister learn to sign, “I love you.” Recently my younger daughter was diagnosed with a coordination disorder. This is why it’s so hard for her to do sign language (that and hearing loss are an unfortunate combination). The illustration of her older sister helping her sign “I Love You” portrayed a disorder that I didn’t even know my daughter had. What do you hope your readers take away from this book?
The reader will speak several “I am…” affirmations throughout the book. I also hope that the readers will learn to focus on the positive attributes about themselves and others and see the things we have in common and use those things as a bridge for building friendships with others.
I included lots of butterflies throughout the book because butterflies represent transformation and the hope of who you could become. Even if right now you feel like a little caterpillar crawling on the ground, you can rise above the circumstances, and one day even fly. So in addition to hoping all readers will see themselves represented in a story, I want them to not just see their “differences” being represented, but see the beauty of who they are and who they can become.
Even if right now you feel like a little caterpillar crawling on the ground, you can rise above the circumstances, and one day even fly.
There are many people out there who know they have a book in them, and they want to write it. But the fear, imposter syndrome, and the feeling of like, “who’s gonna care”, “who am I to write a book,” are holding them back. Do you have any advice to help them reframe and overcome these thoughts? What message do you have for them?
While I was working on my book, another children’s book came out featuring a little girl who has facial differences and wears BAHA hearing aids. My response was, “I quit. Somebody else already wrote the book.” My husband would not let me quit. Even though I was not the first person to write a book with a character who looked like our daughter, my husband encouraged me to keep going saying, “nobody can write your story. You have a message to share and only you can write it.”
It’s not a competition to be the best author or write the best book. It’s a community of like-minded people working together, helping, and encouraging each other to get your unique message out to the world.
As I’ve gotten to know other authors, I’ve realized they are normal people too. We are not celebrities… At least not yet. Like everyone else on the internet, we show up on social media portraying the best version of ourselves, so we look awesome! But we all have struggles and face challenges, and a lot of times those obstacles become the inspiration and good content to use in our books. Our mess becomes the message.
Even though I was not the first person to write a book with a character who looked like our daughter, my husband encouraged me to keep going saying, “nobody can write your story. You have a message to share and only you can write it.”
What a nice way to reframe the negative thoughts and see things from a different perspective! Publishing a book is not easy. What is the one thing you wish you knew before publishing your book?
I was told that authors don’t make money writing and selling books. Unfortunately, most of the profit goes to bookstores, distributors, and publishing companies.
However, you can self-publish. Instead of paying a publishing company, you can hire your own illustrator, editor, and designer. There are even people who coach in all aspects of book writing, publishing, etc. It’s more work to be your own “general contractor” but in the end, you get your book exactly how you want it and you get to keep more of the profit, so if you sell enough books you can actually make money too. As a first-time author, what are the three things you’d recommend aspiring and new authors to do before they write their own book?
Do Research ‒ buy and read books that represent a similar topic and audience to what you want to write about.
Connect with like-minded authors – Join Facebook groups for authors, and follow authors on Instagram.
Hire a life coach or someone who can help you do your own inner work to become more confident and free to show up in life being wonderfully you! Can you also share some of the marketing techniques that have worked for you when promoting your book?
I’m married to a digital marketing consultant. So, this is what he does. His agency built a website landing page for me. Duane also built bridges for me – he, (and now I) have been doing interviews on his friend’s podcasts. You can build your network and share your message on other people’s platforms. The people in the Author groups on Facebook have endless amounts of great ideas.
Once the book is out, schedule book readings and book signing events at local bookstores and in schools. I set up a booth at various vendor events, especially around Christmas. Grandparents love to buy books for their grandkids.
I'm trying to find and be involved in any local event that has anything to do with anything special needs related. Have a booth at those events, when possible. But also, just attending events to network and connect with like-minded people.
I have already been very involved in the world of hearing aids ever since my daughter got her BAHA. Then because of my other business, I have a large email list of families of kids who wear hearing aids, so I emailed my list and shared my book. Great idea of expanding your network while reaching out to people who are already in your circle! You are also the owner of the Etsy shop The Baha Bowtique, where you sell Bone Anchored Hearing Aids (BAHA) headbands. What led you to this idea? Can you tell us that story?
Our daughter, like her Dada, wears Bone Anchored Hearing Aids (BAHA). Duane’s BAHA is surgically implanted. Children's skulls are not thick enough to have the surgery, so our daughter wears her BAHAs on a soft headband.
Our insurance covers 1 soft band, additional soft bands from the hearing aid company cost about $80. We need more than 1. What if it gets dirty? And we need color options.
A lot of moms make their own soft bands. So, I started making soft bands for my daughter. I like to find creative solutions to solve problems, but my husband is an entrepreneur and likes to start businesses. So I thought I might as well start an Etsy shop and see what happens.
So, I started the Baha Bowtique, selling custom soft bands and accessories for BAHAs. It’s been 5 years and I’ve had almost 14,000 sales to over 2,500 families across the USA and Canada, and a few in other countries as well. So that became my full-time job. Which is crazy. I did not anticipate that at all.
When I started my business, my husband encouraged me to also become an expert and a thought leader. So, I spent a lot of time on Facebook groups answering questions about BAHAs. If I saw the same questions being asked over and over, I’d write a blog post to answer them.
For some questions such as, “What do you do when someone is staring at your child?”, or says, “What’s wrong with your kid?” I polled other families and (with their permission) wrote a whole blog post with various suggestions of ways to respond.
My husband and our daughter have different brands of hearing aid, so I wrote a blog post comparing the two. That caught the attention of the hearing aid company, so they interviewed me. It was impressive that you were able to turn obstacles into opportunities while helping more people. Balancing being a mother, building a brand, and running a shop has got to be a challenge. How do you make it all fit in one day?
When we started out, my husband and I were both working from home, running our businesses, and I was trying to homeschool too. That wasn’t working. I was jumping back and forth between too many things, unable to give anything or anyone the full attention they needed.
As a homeschool graduate and entrepreneur, I am attracted to high-quality, alternative education. So our family actually moved to a new state to enroll our kids in Acton Academy.
At Acton, “Learning to Do” and “Learning to Be” is even more important than “Learning to Know.” Instead of being told WHAT to think, children are learning HOW to think for themselves. Each studio has a few grade levels combined, so kids can learn at their own pace and the older kids help the young kids. There’s an adult guide who acts as a coach, but the daily activities are run mostly by the learners themselves, as they take responsibility for their own education while holding each other accountable to clearly established guidelines.
So now our kids are getting a high-quality education which they LOVE!! While they are at Acton, I have time at home to get work done. The kids get all their schoolwork done at Acton so there’s no homework. That means after I pick up the kids, we have time to run errands, do housework and chores, and have fun together as a family.
After we put our kids in bed, we usually end up working a couple more hours in the evening. After turning obstacles into opportunities by creating the book and BAHA headbands, what message or advice would you give to your children who are wonderfully unique and pursuing their own dreams and passions?
I want my children to be confident in who they are and to stand out because of their strengths, talents, and gifts. I do NOT want my children to learn how to fit in, how to conform to the norm or fulfill the status quo. I recently went with my husband to an annual business conference, where I got to meet some of his friends. I immediately noticed that everyone was wearing business casual, but I showed up wearing my "Wonderfully Me" t-shirt and bright, colorful pants. I felt super awkward, realizing how much I stood out. Flashback to Jr. High School! There was nothing I could do to hide it, so I decided to own it.
I introduced myself to people by saying, "I missed the memo on the dress code, but it's a “You Are the Brand” conference, and as a children's book author, this is how I dress." Everyone I met seemed to think that was great and I was told I was inspiring, and I got invited to be on a couple of podcasts.
It was a really powerful experience for me, showing up fully as myself and owning it. The moral of the story is when you don’t fit in (and you won’t), just own it and be wonderfully you! I was at the “You Are the Brand” conference as well and I was inspired by your stories. And I didn’t think you were out of place at all with your outfit! Ok, Becky, thank you for walking us through your stories and sharing some great insights. Final question: If someone were to ask you “What are you building?”, what would you say?
After being on the “Born Different” show, the biggest question we were asked was, “How do you raise confident kids?”
The next thing we’re building is a community of like-minded families raising confident kids. Kids who are leaders, innovators, inventors, and creative problem solvers. Kids who are strong and resilient, not drama-creators, but take responsibility for their own choices, and know the value of working hard (not just succeeding).
One way we are doing that is by launching the “Our Wonder Family” TV series on YouTube and podcasts. We will be sharing more of our stories, answering questions, interviewing families and hearing their stories, and also interviewing experts who can share their wisdom and advice with our community.
You can subscribe to the show today at https://www.youtube.com/OurWonderFamily
This was very inspiring, Becky. Thank you so much for joining us! Becky has a gift for you! Get your FREE downloadable coloring pages with affirmations today:
Connect with Becky Zingale on social:
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info!
Vivian Chan, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Vivian Chan is a leadership and team-building expert who teaches successful but overwhelmed leaders how to grow a sustainable business. With her strategic insight and signature framework of The Sustainable Business Growth Catalyst, she empowers clients to take time off without the fear of their business falling apart. As a Gallup-trained BP10 coach, she’s helped thousands of students discover, develop, and direct their business-building talents. With her guidance, her clients learn how to become better leaders and how to unlock their unique potential by learning to identify their greatest strengths and the right time to call on them. She’s also a Certified Affiliate Manager.
