Written by: Anita Avedian, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, communication is defined as “the act or process of using words, sounds, signs, or behaviors to express or exchange information or to express ideas, thoughts, feelings, etc., to someone else” Communication in relationships is pivotal in nurturing and continuing a healthy relationship. Below are some green and red flags to assess your relationships; whether romantic or platonic.
Communication Green Flags
Constant communication (regular check-ins, open communication, healthy, being present, clear expectations, regular communication)
Words and Actions coincide (Reliability and able to develop trust)
Displaying Kindness (use their words to affirm, encourage and empower you, not afraid to apologize when wrong)
Respectful of boundaries communicated and established
Availability and Access (Access, responds consistently, is available and makes time when conversations and decision need to be had, makes, and keeps commitments)
Equal input and output in the relationship (equal effort to make the relationship work, compromise, emotional physical and financial contribution, there is reciprocation)
Trust is present (Take each other’s word as the final word, not questioning motives or intentions)
Communication Red Flags
No communication (little to no communication, unclear or no expectations, leaving too much room for assumption)
Inconsistency between words and actions (flakey, always making excuses, not a person of integrity, not truthful)
Abusive Behaviors (using their words and actions to place blame, gaslight and manipulate)
Disrespectful by not adhering to boundaries communicated and established.
Being ghosted or being unavailable (Not making time to be present to nurture the relationship, emotional unavailability, non-committal)
Unequal input and output (When one person puts in more work than another, lack of reciprocation)
Trust is absent. (unhealthy questioning, blaming, argumentative, intentions are constantly assessed, unhealthy obsessiveness)
“Communication works for those who work at it.” – John Powell.
It is imperative to know that these green flags take time to develop in a relationship. There is an adjustment period we need to make grace for at the beginning stages of a relationship, because it is a bond between two people from completely different backgrounds and cultures which have significantly influenced perspective and interpretation of how we give and receive communication. Take the time to identify and understand what those perspectives and preferences are and adjust accordingly to accommodate each other. Work actively to grow together and seek to be a better communicator. There is room for improvement, and we continue to be students in the school of life.
“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” – Tony Robbins
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Anita Avedian, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Anita Avedian is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (License # LMFT 38403) and has been practicing psychotherapy since 1996. She is the Executive Director of Avedian Counseling Center and has offices in Sherman Oaks, Glendale, Woodland Hills, and Pasadena. Her specialties include working with relationships, anger, social anxiety, general anxiety, and addictions. She also has been certified as a Thought Field Therapist (TFT) and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), both which she integrates into her practice.
Outside of therapy, Anita offers a monthly anger management certification program to counselors. Anger Management Essentials is an approved National Anger Management Association (NAMA) model which is used for anger management certification. Moreover, Anita is an Authorized NAMA Trainer and Anger Management Supervisor for certifying anger management specialists. She authored Anger Management Essentials, a workbook for aggression, which has been translated into Spanish, Armenian, and Hebrew, as well as the teen’s workbook which has been translated into Spanish. Anita is the co-Founder of ShrinkSync, the app for therapists, the California Chapter of the NAMA which is the California Chapter of Anger Management Providers, and the Founder of Toastmasters for Mental Health Professionals.
References:
Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Communication. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved January 25, 2022, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/communication
