Written by: Reah R. Hagues, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Relationship trauma can come from various experiences with a range of people. These can include romantic, familial, professional, sexual, or platonic. This article will explain relationship definitions, trauma, and three tips to heal and maintain relationships successfully.
Relationship dynamics
Relationships can come in various forms, have multiple dynamics, and function in numerous ways. Relationships can be sexual, platonic, professional, familial, or parental. They can have leadership, mutually beneficial, commensal, educational, dominant, submissive, passive, and progressive components. Relationships can benefit or harm more than just the people in the relationship. Basic healthy relationship dynamics include trust, respect, safety, and accountability. Unhealthy relationship dynamics can include distrust, disloyalty, harm/unhealthy behavior, and lack of respect. Relationships can go through periods where they are composed of all these things, however; a healthy relationship makes effort and ensure success to change and health the unhealthy parts to avoid repetition.
Relationship trauma
Most of us experience some form of trauma in a relationship or relationship. This experience can be abandonment by a parent, death of a parent/guardian, death of a friend or family member, sexual assault, or physical trauma caused by the actions of someone you have any form of relationship with. At school, you may experience trauma from a peer or staff or with a co-worker or leader in a professional setting. In your romantic relationship(s), you can experience emotional, sexual, or physical trauma in all these relationships, whether you intended for them to be the dynamic they became or not. We do not expect these occurrences to happen, whether they be sexual assault or death, and we certainly are never prepared to handle them.
As a result, our relationships with that person and often others can be impacted. It can convince us that every relationship of this caliber will end the same. All bosses will be demeaning, all men/women will only want sex from you; you will always hate your body because you have an unhealthy relationship with food, and everyone around you will die before you can prepare for their death. Our brain's ability to convince us that things never change is astonishing. But our brain's ability to heal and recover is even more powerful. Our brain is likely not the reason we feel the way we think and react to people and situations; it is the impact on our brain that the trauma of that initial situation/relationship caused. How we choose to heal from our mental trauma, our physical and emotional trauma, affects how we project our trauma onto others and our expectations of ourselves. Once we understand this, we can understand how and why we can heal outward.
Relationship healing
Why even bother to heal? Healing from your trauma benefits your perception of yourself and even the world around you. Sexual assault can make you believe that being promiscuous prevents you from being assaulted again because you have control. Unhealthy parenting can lead to being an unhealthy parent yourself because you lack the coping and communication skills necessary for raising children successfully. I have experienced both of these and can attest to their correlations, as well as how healing has affected my romantic relationship and parental health. While we are constant works in progress, we owe it to ourselves to constantly progress toward our best selves for us and everyone we interact with!
You do not have to earn a degree to learn and understand relationship trauma or how to heal from it. The real work begins with acknowledgment and willingness to heal. We must understand why something needs to change before we even want to. Healing relationships come with healing ourselves outward. To begin healing from a trauma, we must acknowledge the trauma. I used to be absolutely against professional therapy, as often traumatized people are, who think it is a waste of time and expensive for no reason. However, through obtaining my Psychology degree and learning more about our brains and how they process trauma, I recommend therapy/therapeutic techniques to EVERYONE! Through treatment and formal education, I realized that how I respond to processed emotions rather than react to emotional experiences brings increasing success to my parental, romantic, professional, and educational relationships through positive and appropriate communication.
Relationship success
To be successful in any relationship, whether sexual or platonic, relationships require work; we work to consistently grow, learn, and practice ways to respect, appreciate, and acknowledge our partner(s). Relationships require consistent effort, including our relationship with ourselves. To have successful relationships with others, we must have a positive and healthy relationship with ourselves. Healing from trauma, learning, and implementing communication skills ensures that we provide equal benefit to our relationships and make consistent efforts to keep them flourishing and healthy. We all deserve happiness, no matter what we have been through, when we put in effort to heal and grow. Give yourself the love you deserve by being the you that people who love you deserve!
Reah R. Hagues, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Reah is a wife to Quintin and a mother to 5 humans and 3 pets. She is the daughter of Kim (or Ma to her), and big sister to Raven. Reah has earned multiple degrees including a Bachelor's degree in Christian studies, Master's degree in Psychology, Master's degree in Holistic Mental Health and Wellness (with emphasis on family dynamics), and a Master's level certification in Life Coaching.
