Written by: Connie Costa, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
“Let me tell you something about myself, Connie,” my energy healing teacher told me in a harsh voice, “ever since I was a very young child, I was repeatedly molested by my father,” to which I immediately responded, “that’s awful!”
However, I could never have predicted the words she would clap back with, “who are you to judge?” Although I was shocked and confused by her answer, she continued, “had that not happened in my life, today I would not be helping hundreds of girls as a healer.”
If I could disclose what my “secret weapon” in coaching is, it’s, without a doubt, reframing the negative into the positive. I sincerely believe that everything in life has both negative and positive
aspects. However, we usually only focus on either the negative or positive and then create our own meaning. But if we look closely at every significant event in our life, we will notice that both the negative and the positive aspects of any given event are pretty much equal.
Let’s think about an example of a “positive” where most forget or ignore the negative: becoming a mother. Severe sleep deprivation, worry, exhaustion, confusion, pain, and depression, are just some of the fun things that come with being a mother. This example is easy to comprehend, but let’s look at the opposite, something people are often resistant to doing.
Philosopher and author Dr. John Demartini discusses how life is always in perfect balance. It may not seem so, but it is. To want a life with only positive and no negative, only pleasure and no pain, is delusional. But what I love to show my clients is not to wish for there not to be any pain but rather to be grateful for everything that has ever happened to us. Ponder this: all the most brutal moments created the person we are today. It built our character. We would not be who we are had we not gone through those challenging moments.
I even take it one step further and have my clients focus on the single most challenging moment they’ve endured. It’s there that I have my clients discover their “why.” Most of my clients are Spiritual Entrepreneurs who often come to me at the beginning of their career when they have great ideas but do not know how to start a thriving holistic practice. Often, they lack a strong “why,” Without a strong “why,” I see many entrepreneurs give up when the going gets tough. Knowing your “why” also helps you specify who your clients are and how you can serve them powerfully. It also enables you to become an expert in your field since you can talk your talk and
walk your walk. It’s essential.
The “why” can be found in those dark moments when we didn’t know how we’d get through. We thought we wouldn’t make it during those challenging times, but dammit, we did! As a young child, my energy healing teacher thought she would not survive childhood, but she did, and then as an adult, she turned her “why” into her purpose. She felt the urge to help other girls heal from the same trauma. In turn, these girls could easily relate to her and felt “understood.”
I’ve been through many challenging moments, and initially some defined my career. I had left a job that paid well to follow my dreams of becoming a successful Holistic Life Coach. I did not know how to start my own business. There were many months when I made $0 in my business, but I kept going. I would cry and ask, “why me?” But now I know “why me!” I had to go through that because it forced me to learn everything about the business side. So I learned about advertising, niche, money mindset, and everything else you could think of. Today, I understand my clients who come to me confused, and I get to set them up for a successful career. So I help them avoid going through what I went through. It makes my journey well worth it.
What have you gone through or are currently going through that you can reframe? How can you see the same situation through a different lens that benefits you? As Tony Robbins says, “life is happening for us, not to us!” The secret is not to label anything as “good” or “bad.” Do not assign any meaning. Instead, ask yourself, “how can this serve me?” See what beautiful lesson it’s here to teach. Can you help others who might be going through something similar? No matter how difficult, look at the blessings and the positives from this event. I know it’s easy to say, “there is nothing positive that came from this,” but do your best. This exercise isn’t easy, but it’s gratifying. If you can do this, you’ve won the game of life.
Would you rather be a “victim of circumstances” or a powerful manifester and create your reality? Nothing that ever happens to us genuinely matters; it’s our reaction to those events that matter. I have trained my brain to say, “perfect, this is just perfect!” every time something negative occurs. And then my brain quickly goes into extracting the positive from the situation. Often, something that initially seems like such a tragedy turns out to be an enormous blessing. So we get to decide what we want to focus on. I am not saying this is an easy task. Depending on the event, it can be
very challenging. But it’s possible if we constantly train our brains to do this. Victim or creator? The choice is ours.
Lastly, I can’t emphasize how important it is to focus on gratitude. You cannot be depressed and be grateful at the same time. If you are going through a callous time, stop what you are doing and write down everything you are thankful for. Do not underestimate the power of gratitude. It’s easy to be grateful when things are going great, but how about when they aren’t great? That’s the most powerful time to be thankful. And if we can learn how to find gratitude in those adverse times, we will be able to create the most extraordinary lives.
Connie Costa, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Connie Costa is a Holistic Life Coach, Sicily Wellness Retreat Leader, International Speaker, and Published Writer who assists people in pursuing their life's purpose. She graduated from Antioch University with a Master's Degree in Clinical Psychology and is a certified Life Coach by the Holistic Life Coaching Foundation.
Connie is an expert at identifying her client's passions, gifts, and talents and converting them into the career of their dreams! She has coached countless clients in taking risks in order to pursue their life's purpose and become powerful manifestors in their life. Connie has produced and hosted major transformational events, coached numerous holistic business groups, and has spoken in front of thousands.
Connie leads Spiritual & Wellness Retreats in both the U.S and Sicily, Italy.
Connie's motto is "fall in-love with fear so you can marry success!"
