Written by: Luke Hampel, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Depression is connected with the emotion of sadness and can be divided into a depression that comes from loss, and depression that comes from lack. Depression that comes from loss indicates a readjustment period. We may have lost a friend or lover, a parent, a job, or anything else meaningful, and are forced to reassess our future, past memories feel different, and perhaps even our identity must change. Whatever the loss, it will be felt until something else takes its place, because our core emotional needs do not change even after a loss.
Depression from loss is usually easy to see. Something happened, and we have to find out what that means and how our perspectives must now change. Processing depression in this way begins with an honest assessment of what has been lost, or you will only be living in denial. It’s not always easy to recalibrate after a loss, and if we are unable to reorient our perspectives and get our emotional needs met from elsewhere, something even more pernicious begins to happen; we begin to lack.
Unlike loss, lack likes to swim below the surface, and we need sharper eyes to detect it. Lack can dive into the mysterious depths of the unconscious, where people have trouble expressing what depresses them. Something is clearly missing because we are experiencing depressive symptoms, but if you have never experienced happiness, how do you know what it is or how to get it? For this reason, depression from lack is very difficult to deal with alone.
Just as one can say they are happy in innumerable ways, a person can also say they are miserable for any number of reasons. There are, however, a few core concepts and questions we could explore that would seem foundational to any overall alleviation of depression. The first concept relates to self-worth, and is asked as something like, “What could I possibly offer anyone?” or “What value do I have?”.
When someone believes they have no value, some variety of sadness follows. When this kind of depression predominates there is often an unraveling of shame or some harsh comparisons with others. Women more often feel worthless because they are not beautiful. Men more often because their job or status is lacking. This may be true of course, for not everyone can be rich and beautiful. However, we would indeed be lacking if we reduced human value to just two factors. There are many ways a person can have value, and this self-worth will naturally flow if we can first find anything of value to ourselves. If we value music then we can share our love of music, or even if we value any experience then we have that experience to share. Yet, if all someone in depression shares is negativity about the things they do lack, then even what is already valued is lost.
The second concept deals with lack of connection and is usually phrased as something like “no one can understand me” or “other people are too lacking”. Anger and sadness may shift back and forth easily; they feel cold and resist new experiences, even when they are quite tame. They may feel like they are always hiding their own feelings. When this kind of depression predominates, a person struggles to open up to others or be vulnerable enough to express their real feelings. Learning to connect with others requires both a willingness to express our real feelings and allowing ourselves to be impressed by others.
The third lack which leads to depression is a lack of joy or any general enjoyment of activities. This kind of depression might ask, “what’s the point of anything?” or complain of anhedonia. If you don’t at least enjoy what you are doing in life, then it should come as no surprise that you are feeling depressed. Without any pleasurable brain chemicals, which can be produced endogenously or taken exogenously, nothing makes sense. Therefore, finding a source of pleasure, and allowing oneself to feel good, is paramount to recovery. Whatever the source, these pleasurable chemicals are best received as coming in a balanced way from a variety of sources, for the power of the good is only valuable in the right meter and proportion. Any dose of pleasure is taken in proportion to the pain or discomfort.
Depression is so dark and lonely that not only does one lack some combination of self-worth, connection, and/or joy, but also that there seems no opportunity to obtain such things. There is no trap like total darkness, and we must look carefully for glimmers of light, for if depression is the result of a lack, then the formula for happiness is in the satisfaction of such things.
When cooking a meal we must first have wisdom, represented by the recipe, and then obtain the intrinsic value in ingredients. After that, the ingredients have been gathered and prepared they must be mixed and combined, for without such mixing we have much-wasted potential. Then we are to add seasonings, sauces, or dressing, which in the right proportion add to the beauty and give us added pleasure and joy.
So the recipe for happiness is guided by wisdom and the clarity of its purpose, built on our worth represented by knowledge of value, mixed and combined by connecting to each other which brings out our potential, and added by a beautiful proportion of pleasure so that it creates joy. Within these categories, many transformations take place, from cooking to digestion, and back again, just as the becoming of the Self transforms us from light to matter, and back again.
“What element, then, of the mixture would appear to us to be the most precious and also the chief cause why such a state is beloved of all?” (Plato, Philebus 64c)
Luke Hampel, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
For Luke, the most important thing in therapy is being authentic. He takes a fundamentally client-centered approach, and therapy for him is a balance between providing emotional support with a fresh perspective. He acknowledges that all his clients teach him something important, and he considers therapy a special place of healing and opportunity.
He believes therapy is for the wise and the brave. Being strong means connecting with others and opening up to shared experiences. He feels his job is to provide a space for you to be yourself and to provide a reflection of both your unconscious and conscious self so you can discover more of who you are.
