Written by: Melanie Josephine, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Believe me, I know what it is like to be single and single for long. I’ve spent years dating the wrong guys and feeling sorry for myself. Days at home crying, heartbreak after heartbreak and really wondering if there are any good guys out there. If you are serious about not being single any longer, I want to give you some crucial advice today.
Get clear on what you want
Take the time to really think about what you are looking for in a partner. It is very helpful to go back in time, look at your exes and think about what you liked and didn’t like about them. Throw out the old baggage and simply keep what you liked. Write it down too. Get really deep. What kind of lifestyle suits you? What qualities are dear to your heart? What is unacceptable for you?
As good as it is to be clear on knowing what you want, I want to be honest with you about finding the “perfect partner”, because there is no such thing. You can make yourself stay single for a very long time if you are always looking for that one thing that is wrong with a potential partner. You need to acknowledge, that part of a relationship is growing together, learning from each other, and becoming humble. Life is not perfect, therefore you can expect relationships to not always be perfect and that is ok. There is nothing wrong with that, it is simply a journey, just like life is.
Let go of old ties
When you are serious about making a commitment, even if you have not yet met the person you want to be committed to you need to let go of those old ties that no longer serve you. Who is that? I am speaking about flirtations that lead nowhere, exes that keep coming back, and men who show interest but do not want to be committed. We all seek attention and being without that attention, especially when we are used to it is hard, but you must remember what you are doing it for. If you are truly honest about finding that one person that you want to be with, then you don’t need all these loose ties that lead nowhere. Be honest with yourself. The ex that you broke up with and got back together 5 times is not going to be your prince. If someone is serious about you they don’t need that many chances.
Look after yourself
No one looks after you like you. Yes, your family and your friends want the best for you, but they cannot look after you like you can. Only you are there to look out for you when you go out to meet people; when you go on dates in those situations, it is on you. You need to know who you are and know who you want to be in those situations. Come prepared, know how you want to come across and how you want to react in all the possible scenarios that could occur. What do you want to know most about your future partner? What should they know about you? Spend your time wisely preparing for those situations, so that when they arise, you show up as the person you want to be.
Stop being a victim
This last point is the most crucial of all, and I really do hope you hear it. I want to be honest with you: I have made myself a victim in so many situations in the past. I stayed with someone who did not treat me with respect for a very long time, and I can now see that that was on me.
I blamed my situation on life, I cried and played the victim and that did nothing for me. That is why I want to tell you don’t blame, take responsibility. How are you responsible for where you are today? How can you go where you want to go? What are you missing?
Asking the right questions is key! When you ask yourself, “Why is this happening to me?” you put yourself in victim mode, but when you ask, “What am I missing?” you get curious about finding out how to get where you want to go.
Another victim thought that I have encountered many times is, “Maybe I am meant to be by myself,” or maybe for me, “there is no one out there.” When you think that, you will prove yourself right because our brains want to be right. Make your brain prove right what you actually want in your life, not what you don’t want! Again, stop victimising yourself! You can 100% find a partner you will be very happy with, yes, you!
Love, Melanie
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Melanie Josephine, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Melanie Josephine is a leading expert in the field of dating and relationships. In her coaching practice, she actively helps women to bring clarity and light into a topic that may have been dark for years. After going through challenges in her own love life, she decided to research and figure out where she was going wrong. Her self help book “Love Life Simplified” won a New Apple Award in the category “Young Adult Inspirational” and she continues to write for Brainz Magazine as well as on medium.com. In her podcast “Change Your Love Life Forever” she regularly shares experiences and learnings on a vulnerable level. Before she settled down in the UK, she travelled the world as an international nanny and shared her learnings in her popular book “Rock Your Au Pair Year”. Melanie is a highly organised Nanny/ Carer PA with many years of experience in private households alongside her coaching and author activities. Her mission: to bring hope into peoples love life because there is someone for everyone!
