Written by: Antonio Esposito, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
A story of pain and success
Glossophobia, or the fear of public speaking, is remarkably common.
Some researchers estimate that as much as 77% of the population has some anxiety regarding public speaking, and for sure, I was part of that 77%.
I have always admired people who can engage an audience flawlessly;
I am a big fan of TED Talks, and anytime I watch a new video, I wonder about the difference between who can speak in front of big crowds without showing any signs of fear and insecurity, compared to those who are scared of speaking loud at a work meeting.
I always believed that the ability to speak in public was God's gift to some chosen people, and unfortunately, I was not one of them.
Of course, our deep beliefs (even the limiting ones) must always be unconsciously confirmed somehow, and mine was confirmed by a "traumatic experience" regarding public speaking a long time ago.
My first public speaking trauma
It was the beginning of 2000, I was working as a freelance web designer and I had just finished work on a web project for a well-known Italian Jazz guitarist, I will call “Marco”.
Because his new website was released at the same time as his new album, his entourage decided to organise a public presentation event in a well-known music store in my hometown.
Several famous jazz musicians, some local magazines and television staff, along with 250 people were invited to attend this event, including myself.
Without me knowing it, after the new album's presentation, Marco had the "brilliant" idea to invite me on stage and present his just-released website.
I could not believe what he was doing, but I had no choice; I had to stand up and join him on stage.
After a quick presentation about who I was, he "kindly" left me alone on stage.
To say that I was embarrassed, terrified and completely overwhelmed by fear without a clue of what to say is an understatement.
It's amazing how the brain works. Even now, thinking about that experience makes me feel uncomfortable.
However, what was done was done, and despite my deep desire to magically disappear, I had to try to come up with something on the spot.
I started to put a few words together, trying to say something that would make sense and would not make me look like a fish out of water, or to be more precise, to look like a complete idiot.
The problem was that all of a sudden, I had to face my deepest insecurities, my lack of self-esteem, and my sense of inadequacy all at once. It was simply a surreal situation.
After about 2 minutes of what seemed like an eternity, Marco watching me struggle, he had finally decided to come onstage to rescue me from imminent emotional death.
With a big smile, he started to praise me for my abilities as a web designer and how well I was able to represent his musical personality on the web.
Looking back, I am pretty sure none in the audience really cared or judged my two minutes of panic.
If public speaking is a terrifying experience for the majority of the world population, many of those present in the audience would have probably felt the same as I did.
Of course, at the time, I was only imagining all the possible negative things people were thinking about me and how bad I looked to them.
Simply speaking, I never felt so bad in my entire life, and 20+ years later, I still don't think I have ever experienced an embarrassing moment like this.
That day I made a promise to myself: I would never put myself in a situation like that again.
Never say never
Fourteen years after this traumatic experience, I found myself in a similar situation.
I was in a different country, dealing with speaking in a foreign language but experiencing the same situation.
At the end of a life coaching workshop, and again, without notice, I was called on stage by the trainer to share my insights about the seminar in front of 150 people and to share my goals for my future with the audience.
"Antonio, please, join me here on stage; we are all keen to hear your insight about today and your inspiring goals and dreams for the future."
At that moment, I felt the same panic I experienced many years before; the situation might have seemed the same, but I was not the same person.
This time, I was determined to deal with my fears differently, I confronted them and, with pride and courage, stood in front of those people and said what I had to say.
Of course, my voice was shaky, but I was there; I was not looking for help or looking to be rescued by anyone else.
I was willing to face my fear, and I did it.
I communicated exactly what I wanted to share openly and without fear of showing my emotions or being judged.
I was not 100% comfortable standing there, but I challenged myself to let people see my vulnerability. I was honest with myself and with the audience. I was proud to stand there and do what I was most afraid to do.
After five minutes or so of sharing my experience and my future vision, I got back to my seat, with many mixed emotions that are hard to explain in words, but one thing I can say is that the experience changed the course of my life completely.
After that moment, I decided that my life was to be used to inspire people and help as many people as possible to overcome their deepest fears by believing and loving themselves more. Because if I was able to deal and to some extent overcome my fear, anyone else could.
A profound concept
Our fears, including the fear of public speaking, are not always caused by what we have to do, but rather by the deeper and more painful fear of rejection.
What people may think about me, what they say, what if I fail?
At the core foundation of our fears, there is always the terrifying feeling of being rejected by someone else, and the fear of rejection is one of the most painful emotions we have to deal with in life.
Some people are better at dealing with rejection than others simply because they have a solid empowered vision of themself, a level of self-esteem that, together with a strong belief system, supports them instead of destroying them.
In a nutshell, they love and respect themselves more.
If you reflect for a moment, your fear of being rejected is directly proportional to how you see, think and talk about yourself.
If you have always suffered from poor self-esteem, if you always seek validation, and feel less than others in every situation and every circumstance, then succeeding in public speaking, or in any area of your life, may feel impossible.
Public speaking, like any other skill, can be learned.
Nowadays, there are courses, techniques, books, and anything you need to learn about it available that is just a click away.
However, if you don't work on yourself first, or work on the way you see yourself and believe yourself to be, everything you do to improve this particular skill will always be overridden by your fear of rejection.
After my experiences and constant work on myself, I improved my confidence level and now I believe and trust in who I am a lot more.
Most importantly, I give much less importance to what people might think about me.
I’ve learned over the years that I cannot please everyone and, to be honest, I don't even want to.
I have learned to accept my limitations and work on them when possible.
I have learned to accept constructive criticism from others as opportunities to learn more about who I am and as a result, improve.
Don't get me wrong, it's not always as easy as it sounds; I am not always successful, but at least I am trying to become a better communicator first with myself and then with others.
Once you start to work on the way you see yourself and improve your level of confidence, then, and only then, can you begin to study the skill, to practice, and to learn the actual technicalities of the craft you want to know about.
For example, to improve my public speaking, I watch a lot of TED videos and, when possible, I take notes on what I want to practise on. I have also taken several public speaking courses and read countless books about it.
I have also watched various Steve Jobs videos as I loved the genuine and natural approach he always had communicating his vision to the world.
Public Speaking: 5 good practices
If you apply these five concepts, you will see a significant improvement in your communication and presentation skills.
Always be yourself. Show your genuine passion, no matter the topic you are talking about.
Don't try to sound intelligent or use complex words. Touch the hearts of people. Use simple terms accessible to everyone.
Tell people stories they can relate to. Use familiar examples and metaphors to make your listeners part of what you are saying.
Get Straight to the point. Like Steve Jobs, use the "Three" rule. For Jobs, 3 was the perfect number as it is easier than 20 and more than 2.
Finally, practice, practice, practice. Without practice, there is no learning, and without learning, there is no improvement.
If you want some help in becoming a fantastic and fearless public speaker, get in touch!
Peace,
Antonio
If you enjoyed this article, I would like to know more about your insights and breakthroughs from reading it; then, if you are up to the challenge of mastering your Emotional Intelligence, bringing your life to the next level; book a one-to-one 30-minute FREE Consultation with me!
Antonio Esposito, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Antonio is a Life Performance Coach, a Mentor, and an NLP Practitioner certified expert in the field of Emotional Intelligence and Eating Psychology.
Moved to the United Kingdom from Italy in 2006, after enjoying 20+ years of experience in the corporate world as a senior web and graphic designer, Antonio is now the CEO and Founder of TheThinkingMind Coaching Ltd, a United Kingdom-based firm specialising in offering Coaching, Training and Personal Development services.
Antonio's mission is to change the world one person at a time.
Antonio's target is to facilitate the transformation of all those harmful and destructive mental processes by discovering one's inner self.
Through Life Coaching, Personal Development and Behavioural Psychology techniques, Antonio enables individuals to master their Emotional Intelligence and, through a set of empowering, transformative, and life-changing strategies and actions, help, support and motivate people in achieving their most important goals.
Antonio has a unique perspective on personal growth and happiness.
He is recognised for his ability to lead others to maximise their full potential through living a life of purpose, balance and significance.
Since 2017, Antonio is also a member of the prestigious team of Mentors at The Coaching Academy, where he has coached and mentored hundreds of students worldwide to successfully complete their training journey as Professional Certified Life and Executive Business coaches.
